You know how it is. It's one week before payday – when you're on a tight enough budget as it is – and you get slapped with an overdue credit card bill that has to be paid NOW or the world will implode. Oh yes, and it arrives on the morning of your big night out with that hot Italian post-grad exchange student you met at Covent Garden. Which in turn means that the silky new basque you planned to buy and seduce said Italian exchange student with will have to be left on the hanger. Great.
That happened to me last Saturday, if you hadn't already guessed. So my night of indulging someone of foreign tongue was well and truly up the swanny. And after handing over all but £70 of my remaining wages, I decided that if I was going to have a night in on my own then I at least needed a few girlie treats to occupy myself with.
Naturally, when I think treats I'm thinking mind-blowingly awesome handcrafted chocolates, some gorgeous, funky new make-up to play around with and a triple-orgasm inducing sex machine. Que Hotel Chocolate; the new Big Beautiful Eyes compact from Benefit cosmetics and a hunking slab of jelly wonderness in the form of the (the seemed a bit to much of a mission for a Saturday night in alone).
After gorging myself on a selection of toe-curling white, milk and dark handcrafted chocolates, and giving my eyes the Bardot treatment with Benefit's ultra-cool new palette, I decided to test drive my latest sex toy.
With a whopping 18-inches of jelly-liciousness to satisfy my anal and vaginal cravings, I decided to prepare with a good slathering of , rubbing it slowly and tantalizingly over my pussy and anus to get my own juices flowing. After easing myself into position over both ends of the double dong, I began to work it slowly at first to get used to the feeling and to capture my sense of rhythm.
You know I've had a threesome on more than one occasion, but never before have I had a sex toy that has brought me so close to the feeling of being fucked by two guys simultaneously. I mean, I could close my eyes and imagined my Italian exchange student taking me up the arse while his swarve, sexy and more mature post-grad tutor fucked me upfront. I just couldn't stop myself from thrusting away against the double hit of jelly 'heads' while flicking, tapping and rubbing my clit with a handful of lube.
I don't know exactly how long I was getting down with my double dong, but I stopped counting after two orgasms and a near third. The next time I have a session with my double dong, I'm going to film it and send it to that Italian post-grad exchange student, then invite him and his tutor around for tea…
Text sex is one of the easiest and least embarrassing ways to enhance your dirty words vocabulary for two reasons:
Firstly, you won't feel as embarrassed talking dirty on a text message as you would face to face with your lover.
Secondly, it gives you more time to think of a kinky response.
The best way to start is by sending your lover a quick message on your way to work. You should keep it filth-free to begin with, but full of sexy promise of what is to come. For example, if you spent the night together you could say something like, 'Last night was amazing, but nothing compared to what will happen tonight…'
I bet half the male population of Britain was glued to Channel 4 last night for their Celebrity Sex Tapes Unwound program. And I bet a great deal of women also tuned in to catch a glimpse of Colin Farrell's butt; Tommy Lee's enormous wang or Rob Lowe's even bigger sex sword. But I was more interested in the Paris Hilton sex tape.
For a girl who is supposed to be so fly about her supposed wild behaviour and 'couldn't care less' attitude, Paris didn't exactly come across as someone who knew what she was doing in the bedroom. In fact, she looked kind of bored, reluctant and – dare I say it – talentless.
10 out of 10 for a £1.99 vibe! Cripes!
"You know whatever I say, I love this vibe. It almost immediately became the one I reach for most and equally the one my partner reaches for first when he wants some supplementary benefits. It is a pretty shimmering blue colour but is made from cold, unyielding plastic, which makes a clunking noise whenever it meets other toys in action…"
See the full United Colours Smooth 8.5-inch Vibrator review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the United Colours Smooth 8.5-inch Vibrator at Lovehoney.
Research just in from Canada reveals that snoring may be ruining many couples' sex lives.
A poll of married Ontario couples found that 58% complained that their partner snores and that it has a negative affect on their sex lives.
36% agreed with the statement: "On most nights I would rather share my bed with a good sleeper who doesn't snore than a good lover who will keep me up with their snoring."
Canadian sex expert Sue Johanson warned that snoring and a lack of sex could lead to a disintegration of relationships.
We think that the safest bet is to make sure you have sex before you fall asleep (we've always found that we perform better then, anyway). And if it helps, use one of our Sue Johanson sex toys to get you in the mood. ;-)
Well, what a month it's been. First off, massive thanks to Sarah and Jason, and Maya and Shane for being the sexual guinea pigs in our trial.
The most obvious result is that Sweet Release didn't change the guys' flavour in 30 days. There was a hint of a change towards the end of the trial, but it didn't cause much more than a mild wobble on the Richter scale of taste.
So from that point of a view it was a disappointment, but along the way it's been very interesting to read the ups and downs as couples try to balance work, home life and pleasure with the demands of oral sex. It's a tough life…
We've all had moments when we feel horny as hell in work, but unless you carry a Mini Rabbit vibe around in your bag there's little you can do about it without attracting attention to yourself in the Ladies.
And what about if some horny guy moves into the flat across the hall from you? What would you do to satisfy your craving for him? In the case of Bettina Varese's Diary Of A Nymph erotic short story, anything she damn well pleases…
The excerpt taken below is from Erotica 1: Bettina's Tales, Erotic Short Stories, collected by Bettina Varese (The Collective)
Research just in from Canada reveals that snoring may be ruining many couples' sex lives. A poll of married Ontario couples found that 58% complained that their partner snores and that it has a negative impact on their ability to have nookie.
Canadian sex expert Sue Johanson warned that snoring and a lack of sex could lead to a disintegration of relationships. So make sure you have sex before you fall asleep and you won't go far wrong. ;-)
Nothing makes me feel more relaxed than having fun with an erotic game during sex. One of my favourite games to play as a form of foreplay is erotic eating. I guess my inspiration for trying it was the kitchen sex scene in 9 1/2 Weeks, with Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke.
If you fancy transferring your culinary skills to the bedroom, take your lead from Anne Hooper's 'Sexual Banquet.' In her best-selling book Great Sex Games, Anne talks you through how to incorporate food into your foreplay with this simple but delicious game.
The excerpt below is taken from Anne Hooper's Great Sex Games(published by Dorling Kindersley).
'The sexual banquet is unique in that there are no tables, chairs, knives or forks. Your partner's naked body is the plate upon which the food is served, and you are the sole dinner. Other essential ingredients are a can of whipped cream, a pot of honey or syrup, and a selection of soft, juicy fruits.
Sex banquet tips
Ask your partner to 'hide' a dab of honey on their body. Your job is to find it with your tongue.
Use a new paintbrush to paint the body with runny foods such as cream, ice cream, syrup, yoghurt or custard.
Let your sexual banquet degenerate into mayhem and have a food fight. Smother each other in whipped cream, crush fruit into [your lover's] hair and pour custard all over them.
Eat a whole meal from your partner's body. Arrange the starter on the chest, the main course on the belly and the desert on the abdomen and genitals.
Stimulate the body with food
Use food to stimulate your partner's body. Aim for subtle stimulation at first – slowly drip honey from a spoon into the navel, squeeze fresh orange juice onto the skin, run an ice cube over the nipples, lick chocolate sauce from the neck or, using whipped cream, make a pattern on the body and then lick it off.
As your partner begins to get aroused, start to stimulate the genitals in an indirect way. For example, dribble champagne between her legs or place a bagel around his penis and nibble it, being sure to brush his penis 'accidentally' with your tongue.'
No man or woman is born rubber clad into a world of goddesses and gimps. The fetish scene and the clubs that frequent them were just as alien to me once as they may be to you today. It doesn't take much more than a killer outfit, a can-do attitude and an open heart and mind to take your first steps into the public fetish scene. In fact the only other weapon missing from your arsenal is knowledge. If you're intrigued by the scene but tentative about attending an event, this blog should provide you with all of the basics you need to get you from curiosity to club night.