God Bless the Daily Mail. Ann Summers boss Jacqueline Gold is invited to meet the Queen and rather than celebrate this wonderful award, the Mail runs a lengthy hatchet job entitled The Queen of Sleaze. Terrible.
With rampant assertions that the Ann Summers empire was built off the back of the Gold brothers' porn empire, the Mail clearly knows what turns its readers on - why else would it repeatedly mention magazine titles like Hardcore Housewives and coverlines like "'barely legal young sweet p***y"? (The Mail's asterisks, not mine.) While being exceptionally cruel to Jacqueline Gold, it's a work of journalistic art - until they get some basic facts wrong.
Yes, even the Mail has fallen into the trap of perpetuating the Rampant Rabbit Myth, claiming that Ann Summers's registered trademark vibrator was featured in the Sex And The City TV show. When, as any fool knows, it wasn't.
"[Gold Group's] last accounts show that the [Ann Summers] sex shops accounted for 97 per cent of its £3 million profit in 2005 and 84 per cent of its £145 million turnover," says the Mail. "All this was achieved by persuading women to gather together to buy the Rampant Rabbit Thruster (as seen on Sex In The City)…"
I've had a few private messages from guys asking how to fist a girl. It's true that some women love a huge amount of penetration in the form of fisting, and some love to be fisted regularly, so here goes…
Before we go any further, here's a word of warning: each woman's pain threshold is different, so if you are going to try fisting your lover, keep asking her throughout if she's OK, if she's enjoying it and, for god's sake, stop when she tells you to stop!
I've been feeling really horny for dripping wet pussy lately. I can't explain it, I've just been overwhelmed by the need to suck on a pink, juicy clit and have its juices drip all over my face.
Tonight it was within my grasp. It was more or less offered to me on a silver platter. Or so I thought…
Just down the road from my flat is a really funky new florist, which I can't name for obvious reasons. It's only been open three months, but the owner has already made a name for herself. Not so much for the flowers she sells, but for the fact that she's a raging lesbian with a wandering eye. In fact, some of my friends who buy flowers from her will go as far as to say that she'd give you a beautiful tulip posy in exchange for a quick fingering out the back room. Their full of shit and exaggerating horrendously: it's £10 for a tulip bouquet and then she'll take you out back and finger you like a jackhammer.
With more than 250 entries, the Design A Sex Toy judges had a tough job even getting to a shortlist. 30 of the best entries were selected by a process of elimination before the judges decided on the winner.
Some entrants had not provided a design sketch, which made it difficult for the judges to picture how the finished sex toy would look.
Others were rejected because they did not have a detailed description, leaving too much open to imagination and interpretation.
Some entrants provided a very minor alteration on an existing sex toy so were discounted for not being original enough. Some - like the 11 version of vibrating knickers that were entered - didn't provide any variation at all on existing products.
So how did the judges choose between the final 30 entrants…?
Regardless of whether you're a lothario in bed or someone in desperate need of experience, these Top 5 Tips For Mind-Blowing Sex will make you so hot in the sack your lover will be panting for more…
Sex tip 1: use lubricant
Having sex without lube is like trying to shove a pineapple up your ass. It's rough, painful and in no way erotic. You and your lover deserve better, and no amount of natural sex juices can be a good slathering of lubricant. Plus, you can get lubes that warm up or cool down your naughty bits; make them tingle or extra sensitive to touch, and make them taste like pineapples, strawberries or bubblegum. You can't say that for your man's juices after a night on the ale and cigarettes…
If you're into rough, pounding sex, pave the way with slippery, luxuriant lubes such as O' My Natural Lubricant , WET Original Lubricant or Tracey Cox's Supersex Love Lube .
If you like slow, grindy sex, opt for a warming lube to really make things sizzle: check out KY Warming Liquid , ID Pleasure Lube and Astroglide Warming Liquid Lube .
Fancy some anal action? Then slather on some Astroglide Anal Shooters Lube , Doc Johnson Anal Lube or Anal Eaze Anal Desensitizing Cream .
Finally, if you're after something fruity, go for the Astroglide Strawberry Lube , WET Passion Fruit Punch Lube or ID Juicy Lube Big Banana .
Nothing is straightforward when it comes to sex, especially when it comes to which positions you should try out. I often prefer going on top because it gives me more control over the situation – I get to control the pace of the thrusts, how far his penis goes in and how fast we fuck – but some of my friends would rather run naked down the street than straddle their boyfriends.
At first I couldn't understand where they were coming from, because I know that one sure-fire way for me to orgasm through fucking is to get on top and grind my pussy and clit against my lover's penis and abdomen. But then they started to explain that it's more about being comfortable exposing their bodies in such a position and, also, worrying about whether they'll be able to fuck their man to orgasm like he has done to them many times before.
Of course, I can see where they're coming from to an extent, but that shouldn't get in the way of being able to enjoy a kick-ass sex position that is more likely to get you off than lying underneath your man, hoping he can do the trick. Like anything you're not sure of, it's always best to try it out for short periods of time to begin with, even if this means rolling on top of your lover, sliding in his penis but keeping your body very close or directly on top of his, just like he does with you. You can then start gently rocking back and forth and he will enjoy the close contact with your body at this level.
When you're more confident and feel ready to sit up and fuck, here are some great tips for the basic Woman On Top position:
Fuck me! I thought I liked it rough, but the woman in this story is a right kinky bitch. I've just come out of a long, hot bubble bath and I've read a rather dirty short story, taken from Black Lace's More Wicked Words: An Erotic Short Story Collection about a woman who becomes her lover's bitch for the evening. In fact, she becomes his dog. He shoves a 'pony tail' butt plug in her ass (much like the Doc Johnson Pony Play Butt Plug) and begins his series of mental, physical and sexual commands. If you like the idea of being dominated, you'll love this…
The following is excerpt is taken from an erotic short story called Bitch For An Evening written by Rowan Michaels and is featured in the Black Lace book More Wicked Words: An Erotic Short Story Collection.
'Bitch!' I heard. 'Come here and leave that damn tail alone!'
I blushed again, feeling like I had been caught doing something forbidden and hurried over to you once more. I noticed your pants had the button down and your hands were on your thighs…
Or at least keep it simple and on-message with gifts featuring the irrepressible love heart, still a winner all these years on.
Top 5 for Her
Let her show she cares by dressing up and giving you a Valentine's night to remember. Choose between a dash of sophistication with the Leg Avenue Hearts Mesh Bikini Set and a cheekier daring heart-shaped string… Or tease the slut in her with a shameless (and crotchless) heart thong.
If wardrobe improvements aren't her thing or her shelves are overflowing already, why not spoil her with a love heart stimulator or vibrating egg and encourage her to put on a show for you? The egg doubles up as a reflexology aid for girls who pretend they're not into toys, making this a failsafe purchase to spare her blushes!
Top 5 for Him
Get him to stay harder longer to while away those long winter nights with a heart-shaped silicone cock ring or bullet-loaded lovemaker clitoral stimulator.
For a gentle nudge in the direction of bedroom hi-jinks, why not try feeding him some X-rated Love Hearts?
And if you want to take this opportunity to broaden his mind, why not try leaving a roll of designer heart-print bondage tape or a love hearts spanking paddle on the bed to spur his imagination to darker depths?
February 14 is nearly upon us once again, but regardless of whether you're a singleton, in a committed relationship or have been married for years, you can still have smokin' sex this Valentine's Day with the right tools and toys at your disposal.
Everyone needs a bit of help to get that sexy spark lit. It could be a glass of wine or champagne for one person, a big throbbing vibrator for another, or it could even be some racy underwear or a slathering of juicy lube. Whatever you need to get your erotic juices flowing, check out the following Valentine's Sex Kit to make this Feb 14 the steamiest sex session you've ever had.
I'm into a bit of pain when I'm having sex, so when I tried out nipple clamps for the first time in ages last night, I was pleasantly reminded about how erotic they are. I love the way they make my nipples instantly hard and how the more turned on I get the tighter they squeeze my nipples, giving me a more intense shot of pain.
Last night I had sex with a girl called Liz, and she clapped my nipples while going down on me. It felt fucking amazing to have her licking me out while the clamps tightened around my nipples as she gave them suggestive little tugs with her fingers. The pain did get quite intense after about five minutes, but if you love to straddle the pain/pleasure barrier as much as I do then nipple clamps will drive you wild.