Yowser! We know you like your anal toys out there - in fact it's probably safe to say that without ass there could be no Lovehoney. No ifs or - uh - butts (sorry). But we don't often see the kind of enthusiasm expressed in this review from Orgasm Army, which shows a level of evangelical fervour usually reserved for rants about the Messiah's second coming. The Church of Ass, now that's a thought…
Just when you thought it was safe to look at our sex stories blog again… our intrepid Orgasm Army reviewer keith.b has penned another lengthy piece that moves out of the realm of reviews and into something altogether different. Last time it was his girlfriend being strapped to the machine. This time the tables are turned - read on to see what's going on behind closed curtains on your street right now! Possibly, anyway…
Orgasms on the move with the Supersex Finger Tingler
Sex expert Tracey Cox reveals the pocket-friendly travel-sized vibrator for orgasms anywhere and anytime!
More: Vibrators videos
Having obviously broken the bank buying a Love Sex Machine to satisfy his younger girlfriend's sexual needs, Orgasm Army reviewer keith.b is clearly keen to break into the gonzo video market to make some money back. What follows is the account of a pretty intense session - we're not sure whether you should or shouldn't try this at home… and if anyone takes the reviewer up on his offer of a video, please leave us a comment and let us know what it's like! The other reviews of this hi-tech toy (which we've shown in a short film - educational, of course) also wax lyrical about the machine: one woman tells us that 'I shake with excitment when I'm going to use it'. So what are you waiting for?
Following on from Tracey Cox's 10 Good Reasons To Masturbate, here are six sexy ways to make your masturbating much more erotic. And for those of you yet to try masturbating (what are you waiting for?), these positions are ideal for encouraging you to explore your body and discover what turns you on.
Masturbation is not something to just 'get out of the way'. And it can be a hell of a lot more enjoyable than just using it as a release of pent-up sexual tension. Regular masturbation leading to regular orgasms will actually make it a lot easier for you to orgasm through sex with your lover, which is great news for those of you who normally find it difficult to orgasm through penetrative sex.
More weird news from the wonderful world of sex… If you thought your Lovehoney Silver Jessica Rabbit Vibrator was the height of urbane sophistication, think again - your hairy, flea-infested prehistoric ancestor probably had one too. Although perhaps without a set of batteries…
It's free sex toy time again! Spend just £30 at Lovehoney and we'll send you this rather nifty Cutie Mini Rabbit Vibrator absolutely free.
And as an extra-special bonus, First Class Recorded UK delivery is free when you spend more than £20 before midnight on Bank Holiday Monday. Get in quick!
If you're wondering where to start shopping, check out our 3 for the price of 2 sex toys - add 3 to your basket and you'll get the cheapest one free. NICE.
The Sun yesterday ran a baffling article (baffling for those, like me, who are baffled by football, anyway) about an ongoing wrangle between Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan and Birmingham City bosses David Sullivan (Sunday Sport owner and all-round porn baron) and David Gold, co-owner of Ann Summers and smut rag company Gold Star Publishers.
Fancy a quick one on the way home from work tonight? There's tons of different ways you can do it, but my favourite is having sex in the passenger seat.
Sick of your furry friend humping strangers' ankles? Tired of taking trousers to the drycleaners to have the pawprints and suspect white stains removed? Stop being so bloody selfish and buy your dog a Feel Addicted) advise, in slightly garbled English, that 'the pink hole beside (the most important part!) needs to be washed regularly for hygienic reasons. Once clean, you can apply some female odour spray on it (the spray is an accessorie) several times per month, when your dog seems sexually hungry or nervous.'
So next time your poodle whimpers after catching a glimpse of next-door's Dobermann, let him bury his anxieties in Hotdoll's hot pink rubber sleeve.