Forget sweetie bags, easter eggs or chocolate coins, the best treasure hunts end up with oral sex and full screwing as your deliciously erotic prize.
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Most of our Orgasm Army reviewers are so busy fiddling around with sex toys of one sort or another that we don't often see erotic books reviewed on the site. The following review, while not particularly complimentary, is honest and helpful, and the kind of thing we'd like to see more of on the site. Let us know what kind of book rocks your dirty mind, so we can keep feeding you the very best in erotic fiction.
"THONGS can only get better for ladies wanting an all-over tan this summer - thanks to this skimpy C-STRING," says The Sun as it gets hot under the collar for Lovehoney's exclusively new C-String Thong.
"Ami, 20, from Birmingham, reckoned it was a cracking idea," says The Sun, before having Ami show it off in a series of poses. You can see the lingerie slideshow on The Sun's Web site.
The Sun also went out on the London streets to find out what people thought of the new underwear: "Puzzled pensioner Jean Howard, 65, reckoned it was some sort of headphone before we put her out of her misery." Seems a harsh punishment for not being able to recognise a piece of underwear…
Do you ever gaze at the cacti on trips to the garden centre and ask yourself, 'I wonder what that would feel like in - '? We didn't think so. The Bingo vibrator is one thing, but cactus spines are something else altogether. It looks from this shortlisted design in our Design a Sex Toy competition like the designer took more inspiration from old Road Runner cartoons than peyote. Or maybe the inspiration came from using both together. It's a shame we're not going to make this one - it could have been the Wil E. Coyote of the vibrator world, ready to crush all those cutesy rabbit vibrators into submission.
As ever, we've kept the grammar and spelling true to the original submission…
This is a truly gorgeous sex position, ideal for those of you who love to be completely wrapped around your lover while getting all hot and steamy.
Launched in the UK exclusively today at Lovehoney, C-String is the world's most revealing thong! Destined to be a hit on the beach and in the bedroom, the C-String underwear covers your bare essentials, but leaves everything else exposed. For more details and more pictures, checkout the C-String page on Lovehoney.
Is it a blender? Is it a robotic arm? No, it's a Hitachi Magic Wand. This extra-powerful vibe, not satisfied with having taken the US by storm, is seeking to crush resistance to its eye-popping orgasms here in the UK - and we at Lovehoney are keen to help. Note that, as mentioned in the Orgasm Army review that follows, you can't use it internally out of the box, and will need either the straight probe or G-spot probe attachments.
It's nice when customers write to us to tell us they're happy with their sex toys and our service, but sometimes the e-mails can get a little bit personal. It's only to be expected, I suppose, but this one was an eye-opener even for an experienced girl like me:
"At last a managed to get a lovehoney chic …
I am enjoying your products and will remain a loyal customer , I feel I can talk to you about a turn on I am experiencing , its a step further than "rimming".
I don't even think there is a name for it other than "eating out arse" or "tossing the salad".
Ok! I like eating out arseholes, its dirty when you think about it, which is what turns me on.
I clean my lovers arsehole with baby wipes and then lick and suck on it for ages.
They love it and cant get enough and I love it to… Its part of my foreplay and helps them loosen up for some anal fun.
Have you ever had your "salad tossed"?
Ps To see what I look like : [snip!]"
Having an orgasm is one of those blissful few seconds of your day/week/month where you forget about everything else that's on your mind, simply because you can't think of anything else – your body is consumed with an overwhelming rush of pleasure, lust and horniness that spreads from your throbbing naughty bits to the ends of your toes and out through the top of your head.
Lisette Ashton is one of the most popular Nexus authors, with readers thrilling to the adventures of private investigator Jo Valentine in early titles The Black Room, The Black Masque and The Black Widow, and enjoying more exotic locations in novels like Fairground Attractions, Amazon Slave, Forbidden Reading and Hot Pursuit. Lisette got her first break writing for Forum magazine, and is one of the few British erotic authors to make a living from her highly charged erotic fiction, dirty enough to satisfy the most jaded mind, exciting enough to ensure that once you've read the first page you have to know how the book ends, and convincing enough to let you both care about the characters and believe in every step of their filthy adventures.
Lisette's kindly agreed to an interview with Lovehoney, full of tips for aspiring authors and reasons for you to read her books. If you'd like to know more, buy one of Lisette's books or check out her website.