Here's a question for you: how lazy does a man have to be not to wank himself off? Pretty lazy and pretty wealthy, if the prices of the male masturbation machines on display at Venus are anything to go by.
Once upon a time, a bloke would lie on his left arm for half an hour before bashing the bishop and that was enough to make it feel like someone else was doing it. Now, though, some of the finest (or perviest) minds in engineering are trying to perfect the perfect wank for the laziest men alive.
A behind-the-scenes glimpse into the trade hall at the Venus Sex Show in Berlin. Penis bean bags, porn DVD vending machines, and a guy with a hands-free masturbator await. Oh, and not to mention the crazy fucking machine at the end…
At first glance they look like birthing balls - the giant extra-strong beach balls that are used for exercise by pregnant women and (probably) people who don't pronounce "pilates" to rhyme with "pirates".
But take a second look, there's most evidently something amiss. Or in addition. The brains behind the Sexcerciseball have taken the common or garden (and inoffensive) birthing ball and turned it into something all the more exciting - and they're claiming a world first in the process.
"Proceed with caution" is the mantra of the day when it comes to a visit to Venus, Europe's (if not the West's) biggest sex show. The vast majority of exhibitors are here to show off off their XXX-rated pornographic wares, so you're rarely more than 6 feet away from a 40-inch plasma screen showing, well, 40 inches of rutting, sucking and fu… You can guess the rest.
So, with caution in mind, our first despatch from the show floor is relatively tame, focusing on a couple or three products that wouldn't look out of place in your living room - that is, if your living room happens to be in a brothel…
The new range of Ballbra underwear is cunningly designed to help you and your partner enjoy better sex – and you can keep your pants on!
Not only does the Ballbra provide the old chap with plenty of fresh air (when standing to attention), it cups and harnesses the balls securely to help you achieve the most explosive orgasms imaginable.
And because of its comfortable and practical design, you can wear a Ballbra all day and every day, so if you're looking for a lift and plenty of support, then the Ballbra is the answer.
The other day I got an email from Ruth, giving me a link to a little story about George Clooney being pictured carrying what appears to be a Liberator Wedge. Now Ruth is a dear lass, but bless her, clearly behind the times. I mean, who finds George Clooney attractive anymore? Surely his sexual escapades (or doctor-ordered therapy, I'm not here to speculate) are of no interest to the common woman? I laughingly showed this email to the girls in the office.
Twenty minutes and half a pint of blood later, I found that I had, in fact, been mistaken about the attractiveness and viability of one Mr. George Clooney…
This week at Lovehoney get an orgasmic Space Sphere Massager worth £12.99 absolutely free when you spend £35.
Small, but perfectly formed, this powerful vibrating massager is a great sex toy for couples – gently explore each other's bodies while experimenting with the multispeed vibrations. If you're looking to introduce new toys into your relationship then the Space Sphere Massager is a great place to start!