Oh, my stars and garters, y'all. Harvey Nichols has unveiled a new perfume that smells of… blood, sweat, saliva, and semen. No, seriously.
I have exactly zero idea of who would want to wear this - last I heard, we were all taking showers to get rid of these scents, but what do I know? These crazy kids these days. The stuff even costs £76, which might technically be more than the current cost of all the clothes that I'm wearing.
Of slightly more useful bent, though still definitely odd, is the new Vulva Real Vagina Scent. I feel silly saying it, since it is all in the name, but this stuff… smells like a woman's vagina. Or her vulva. Or her vulva/vagina/real. But even better than the other perfume (at least… I hope this is a difference), the Vulva scent also tastes like the real thing.
Um… considering the effect it supposedly had on the male testers, I'm thinking using it to arouse your man… in… some way. And certainly men can use it on their own toys (though you should spot check it with silicone - I'm not trusting this one til someone tells me it doesn't go all melty). I'm not completely sure about women wearing it for perfume. Though I'm almost tempted to see how it spices up my metro ride.
There is a new review in and the guy seems to love it:
This replicates the natural scent of a vagina. Just place a little on the back of your hand and wait a minute before having a sniff… Great for making willy hard.
If you have an iPod with orgasmic sounds, some good porn, a Fleshlight and this… You won't be seen for hours - days even!
After the phenomenal demand for last week's once-in-every-four-years Leap Year Love Bundle (and we know many of you were disappointed to miss out) we've put together another fantastic 2-for-1 deal.
Buy the wonderfully smooth and stimulating Durex Play Charm Massager Wand for £19.99 (it was previously £49.99) and get a devilishly orgasmic Durex Play Little Gem Clitoral Stimulator (was £44.99) absolutely free!
But don't hang around because there are only 100 available.
Find out more about this incredible 2-for-1 deal here.
The Lovehoney Sex Tips Giveaway is back by popular demand. Once again we've got £1,000 of sex toys, sex furniture, lubricants, books and erotic gifts to give away to the people who share their best sex tips with us.
Have you got some red-hot advice for going giving a blow job or going down on a girl? Or perhaps you've got some erotic advice involving various items of fruit, chocolate and Champagne?
Share your tip with us and the best ones will win a prize from our £1,000 sex toy selection! You can enter as many times as you like.
A hospital builder tasked with locking up the site was discovered having sex with a Henry the Hoover by a somewhat surprised security guard at Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital, reports The Sun newspaper.
The naked Polish contractor was caught in flagrante on his knees with the smiling vacuum cleaner in the staff canteen and was promptly removed by the security guard after being told to "clean himself and the hoover".
The builder's excuse that he was merely vacuuming his underwear – "a common practice in Poland" – cut no mustard with his bosses, and he went from suck to sack
However, it is possible utilise the power of your vacuum cleaner to deliver incredible orgasms. The Vortex Vibrations Suction Vacuum Cleaner Vibrator has a clitoral stimulator that uses a flow of air to vibrate the clitoris – simply clip it on to your vacuum cleaner and heaven awaits. But do make sure you do this in the comfort of your own home!
You can get sex tips in all sorts of funny places on the Internets. This disarmingly titled post popped up on Craigslist recently: "Just fucking fuck me, already."
"OK, I know it's scary. There are lots of women out there who make fucking really difficult. So, I have compiled some handy tips. Don't think of this as complaining, or as schadenfreude for the Andrea Dworkins of the world. Just some simple tips, for timid men who have forgotten what it means to fuck like men: "
What do we make of then, then?!
Suzi Godson in The Times answers a question about erectile disfunction and, among other things, recommends that couples use sex toys to reduce the pressure to perform in the bedroom.
"Some couples dealing with erectile dysfunction find that sex toys alleviate the pressure to perform," she says. "If you haven't explored the wonderful world of vibrators before, the Hitachi Magic Wand (about £60) is reliable, effective and won't offend if discovered by the cleaning lady."
Even though it's quite a big vibrator, the Hitachi Magic Wand doesn't look like a sex toy because it was designed as a back massager. It's purely coincidental that it happens to be orgasmic.
Our Hitachi Magic Wand reviews show that it's a hugely popular vibrator with couples and also offer some tips for using the vibe.
The size of the vibrating tip makes it hard (if not impossible!) to use the Hitachi Magic Wand for internal stimulation. For that, you can use one of many Hitachi Magic Wand attachments which fit over the vibrating dome and have smooth, rippled or curved ends for vaginal stimulation.
All all in all, a brilliant way to alleviate the pressure to perform!
Quick! Get your credit card out! It's a once-in-every-four-years opportunity to bag some cheap sex toys in the Lovehoney Leap Year special offers
We've got a bargain Leap Year Love Bundle which has 4 sex toys for just £29, including a Durex Play Explore gift set which was recently selling for £54.99.
And to complete the Leap Year sex toy bargains there are four vibrators for just 29p each - how's that for fun?!
Ooooh, and BTW - you get free UK delivery when you spend £30 so whack 'em all in your basket and laugh all the way to the next leap year!
Happy Birthday Black Lace, 15 years old this year! There's no better way to introduce yourself to erotic fiction's sensational success story than by picking up a copy of Black Lace Quickies 1, the Lovehoney Erotic Book Club Book of the Month for March.
If you've already read a Black Lace book, we know you'll want to come back for more … but how much do you really know about this bestselling brand of erotic fiction by women for women? We asked the Black Lace team to tell us a little about their history and where they see themselves going in the future - and this is what they said:
Excited by the idea of erotic fiction but not sure where to start? The Lovehoney Erotic Book Club Book of the Month for March, Black Lace Quickies 1, is the perfect book to whet your appetite, with six stories specially picked from Black Lace's bestselling Wicked Words series to demonstrate just what erotic fiction can do for you!
Other reviewers have had nothing but praise for the Wicked Words series - Romantic Times described them as 'filled with hard-hitting, mouth-watering, sizzling-hot action', Scarlet called them 'intelligent, horny and diverse', and Forum reckons they're 'in tune with your desires!'
And if that's not enough for you, check out the following extract from one of the featured stories, in which Emma turns the tables on a former lover: