A hospital builder tasked with locking up the site was discovered having sex with a Henry the Hoover by a somewhat surprised security guard at Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital, reports The Sun newspaper.
The naked Polish contractor was caught in flagrante on his knees with the smiling vacuum cleaner in the staff canteen and was promptly removed by the security guard after being told to "clean himself and the hoover".
The builder's excuse that he was merely vacuuming his underwear – "a common practice in Poland" – cut no mustard with his bosses, and he went from suck to sack
However, it is possible utilise the power of your vacuum cleaner to deliver incredible orgasms. The Vortex Vibrations Suction Vacuum Cleaner Vibrator has a clitoral stimulator that uses a flow of air to vibrate the clitoris – simply clip it on to your vacuum cleaner and heaven awaits. But do make sure you do this in the comfort of your own home!
You can get sex tips in all sorts of funny places on the Internets. This disarmingly titled post popped up on Craigslist recently: "Just fucking fuck me, already."
"OK, I know it's scary. There are lots of women out there who make fucking really difficult. So, I have compiled some handy tips. Don't think of this as complaining, or as schadenfreude for the Andrea Dworkins of the world. Just some simple tips, for timid men who have forgotten what it means to fuck like men: "
What do we make of then, then?!
Suzi Godson in The Times answers a question about erectile disfunction and, among other things, recommends that couples use sex toys to reduce the pressure to perform in the bedroom.
"Some couples dealing with erectile dysfunction find that sex toys alleviate the pressure to perform," she says. "If you haven't explored the wonderful world of vibrators before, the Hitachi Magic Wand (about £60) is reliable, effective and won't offend if discovered by the cleaning lady."
Even though it's quite a big vibrator, the Hitachi Magic Wand doesn't look like a sex toy because it was designed as a back massager. It's purely coincidental that it happens to be orgasmic.
Our Hitachi Magic Wand reviews show that it's a hugely popular vibrator with couples and also offer some tips for using the vibe.
The size of the vibrating tip makes it hard (if not impossible!) to use the Hitachi Magic Wand for internal stimulation. For that, you can use one of many Hitachi Magic Wand attachments which fit over the vibrating dome and have smooth, rippled or curved ends for vaginal stimulation.
All all in all, a brilliant way to alleviate the pressure to perform!
Quick! Get your credit card out! It's a once-in-every-four-years opportunity to bag some cheap sex toys in the Lovehoney Leap Year special offers
We've got a bargain Leap Year Love Bundle which has 4 sex toys for just £29, including a Durex Play Explore gift set which was recently selling for £54.99.
And to complete the Leap Year sex toy bargains there are four vibrators for just 29p each - how's that for fun?!
Ooooh, and BTW - you get free UK delivery when you spend £30 so whack 'em all in your basket and laugh all the way to the next leap year!
Happy Birthday Black Lace, 15 years old this year! There's no better way to introduce yourself to erotic fiction's sensational success story than by picking up a copy of Black Lace Quickies 1, the Lovehoney Erotic Book Club Book of the Month for March.
If you've already read a Black Lace book, we know you'll want to come back for more … but how much do you really know about this bestselling brand of erotic fiction by women for women? We asked the Black Lace team to tell us a little about their history and where they see themselves going in the future - and this is what they said:
Excited by the idea of erotic fiction but not sure where to start? The Lovehoney Erotic Book Club Book of the Month for March, Black Lace Quickies 1, is the perfect book to whet your appetite, with six stories specially picked from Black Lace's bestselling Wicked Words series to demonstrate just what erotic fiction can do for you!
Other reviewers have had nothing but praise for the Wicked Words series - Romantic Times described them as 'filled with hard-hitting, mouth-watering, sizzling-hot action', Scarlet called them 'intelligent, horny and diverse', and Forum reckons they're 'in tune with your desires!'
And if that's not enough for you, check out the following extract from one of the featured stories, in which Emma turns the tables on a former lover:
Whether you're dipping a toe in the wonderful world of erotic fiction for the first time or you're a seasoned veteran whose shelves are groaning with smut, the Lovehoney Erotic Book Club Book of the Month for March, Black Lace Quickies 1, is sure to wow you. Featuring six stories taken from the cream of Black Lace's Wicked Words series, this collection hits all the right spots, whatever your tastes.
And when you buy this book for the bargain price of £2.99 during March, you'll get a Joyrider Vibrating Massager absolutely free, so you'll soon be learning to read with just one hand! If you're wondering just what's in store, read on:
- Emma is a doctor who takes control of a new patient - a man who used to control her life…
- Read the story of a curious girl with a passion for petrol…
- Inga is an air hostess with a longing for designer toys…
- Lauren discovers the forbidden on a passenger liner…
- Jason's Mom has got it going on…
- Emily steals an identity to be the only girl on a warship…
Share your thoughts on Black Lace Quickies 1 in the Erotic Book Club Discussion Forum - there'll be lots of lively debate.
Here are some questions to think about while you're reading the book…
We're massively expanding our range of Fleshlights to make Lovehoney the number one place to come and buy male sex toys. We're the largest (and, we like to think, best) UK Fleshlight stockist, offering the biggest range at competitive prices with free delivery.
Our new Fleshlight shop has all the information and advice you'd expect from a leading UK Fleshlight stockist.
You can browse complete Fleshlights and Fleshlight inserts by colour, opening style or insert style, making it easy to choose the right one for you. With just a couple of clicks, you can narrow down the Fleshlight choices and hone in on the one you want.
We've recently brought back the popular Ice Fleshlights and even persuaded the Fleshlight manufacturer to start making the awesome Gold Fleshlights again - now exclusively available from Lovehoney.
We'll be bringing you lots more new Fleshlight sex toys over the next few weeks, so be sure to book mark the Fleshlight shop or subscribe to the Fleshlight blog feed in your RSS reader.