How to Introduce Sex Toys to Your Relationship

How to Introduce Sex Toys to Your Relationship

by Lovehoney

on 2 May 2017

Bringing up the subject of sex toys isn't always the easiest thing to do, especially if it's something you or your partner have never discussed before.

But if you're worried about offending them, or nervous about revealing your own personal kink, don't worry - we've got the top dos and don'ts from the Lovehoney experts to make adding sex toys to your relationship a breeze.

DO test the waters


If you’ve seen something on TV (such as the Lovehoney advert), or in an adult film, that makes you want to try sex toys with your partner, try mentioning it to them in a light-hearted, off-hand way (for example, ‘Wasn’t that scene or advert interesting? Would you ever try something like that?’).

If they seem willing to carry on the conversation, why not suggest trying something similar, and see how they react?

DO reassure them that it’s not to replace them, or because they’re bad in bed

Turn up the turn on doorknob

A big reason that some people may be reluctant to talk about toys in the bedroom is that they believe it’s a sign that something’s not going well, or their partner isn’t being satisfied.

To put their mind at ease, try to make it clear that it’s not about replacing them - it’s about trying something new, making your sex life even more exciting, and discovering these new things together.

It’s like trying a new restaurant, or exploring a new place to go on holiday. Sure, you may absolutely love the place you visit all the time, but it’s always fun to throw something new into the mix and discover brand new experiences.

DON’T jump in with something huge or complicated


It may well be that your fantasy is to see your partner using an enormous dildo, or to have them peg you, or something similarly adventurous. But if you’ve never really explored that kind of play before, it’s important to start small.

Though it can be tempting to go all out on the most expensive or high-tech toy you can find because you think it will give you both the best experience, it’s important to get used to using them and find out if it works for you first.

See our collection of couple-friendly toys here.

DON’T just introduce a toy mid-session without warning your partner.


Surprising someone with something that they haven’t agreed to use could majorly backfire, even if you have the best of intentions.

Make sure that they’re aware of the toy beforehand, and are happy for you to use it. It’s then up to you to decide when you choose to bring it into play.

DO remember to have fun

turn up the turn on TV advert

Working up the courage to have the sex toy chat is sometimes daunting and stressful, and it can seem as though the future of your sex life depends on it going well.

But it's important to remember why you want to try sex toys in the first place.

It's because sex is fun, and you want to make it even more fun! Don't take it too seriously, and don't see it as the be all and end all - sex toys are great, but enjoyable sex with your partner is most important.

DO respect their decision

Ultimately, if they decide that sex toys aren't for them, you need to respect that it just might not be for them right now.

That's not to say they may not reconsider in the future. Give them all the information you can about why you think it would be fun, plant the seed for future conversations, and leave the rest to them.

Our pick of the best beginner couples' sex toys

  1. Cock Ring

    Lovehoney Bionic Bullet 5 Function Vibrating Cock Ring

    Cock rings are a sex toy staple, and a non-intimidating, pleasurable way for both of you to explore.

    Try: Lovehoney Bionic Bullet Vibrating Cock Ring

  2. Bullet Vibrator

    Lovehoney Dream Bullet 10 Function Bullet Vibrator

    Petite enough to not be intimidating, bullet vibes are great for delivering precise stimulation to both partners.

    Try: Lovehoney Dream Bullet Vibrator

  3. Stroker

    Lovehoney Head Master Double Texture Blow Job Stroker

    Textured strokers aren’t just for solo play - this non-anatomical design is also perfect for couples’ fun.

    Try: Lovehoney Head Master Blow Job Stroker

  4. Tickler

    Fetish Fantasy Frisky Tickler

    Feather ticklers are a great introduction to the world of sensory play - and they look great, too!

    Try: Lovehoney Oh! Feather Tickler

  1. Anal Beads

    Lovehoney Classic Silicone Anal Beads 10 Inch

    If you want to try anal play but are a little nervous, the graduated sizes of anal beads make it easy and comfortable to explore.

    Try: Lovehoney Classic Silicone Anal Beads

  2. Blindfold

    Lovehoney Oh! Satin Blindfold

    Rather than jumping straight in with restraints, a comfy, attractive blindfold is the easy way to introduce bondage play.

    Try: Lovehoney Oh! Satin Blindfold

  3. Lubricant

    Lovehoney Enjoy Water-Based Lubricant

    Every - and we mean every - sex session can be improved with a hearty helping of lube.

    Try: Lovehoney Enjoy Water-Based Lubricant

  4. Butt Plug

    Lovehoney Butt Tingler 5 Function Vibrating Butt Plug

    Perfect for use by any gender, slimline butt plugs like this one are ideal if you're looking for an anal toy.

    Try: Lovehoney Butt Tingler Vibrating Butt Plug


Need more help?

  1. sex advice from Lovehoney forum
  2. sex toy advice from Lovehoney

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Written by Lovehoney. For collaborative posts between Lovehoney team members and guest authors
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Originally published on 2 May 2017. Updated on 5 Aug 2020