1. Ep.16 Sexual Happiness Podcast: What Can I Do If I'm Nervous About Sex?

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    Sex. It's supposed to be all fun and frolics, but what can you do when your bedroom worries are getting in the way of your erotic enjoyment?

    This week, Jess and Sammi talk through some of the most common fears about sex, and give their expert advice on how to turn sexytime from terrifying to terrific.

    And of course we cover our usual segments "You can never know enough about sex" and "Question of the week" where we share what we've learned about sex this week, and answer your sex questions.

    Got a question or topic you want us to cover?

    Email us at podcast@lovehoney.com or comment below.

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    Transcript

    Sammi [00:00:07] Hello. You're listening to the Sexual Happiness Podcast from Lovehoney, the podcast where we answer your questions about sex and sex toys. I'm Sammi.Jess [00:00:14] And I'm Jess.

    Sammi [00:00:15] And this week we're asking the question: How can I get over my sex nerves?

    Jess [00:00:19] Oooh.

    Sammi [00:00:20] Nervous about sex? Worried about sex? Does sex bring you out in a cold sweat? Then we're here to address that. But before we do, we have to do our "You Can Never Know Enough About Sex" segment. So, Jess, what have you learned about sex this week?

    Jess [00:00:32] Well this week I've kind of been unpicking a bit of a myth, I suppose you might say. Yes. So something that we get asked quite a lot, and I suppose feeds into nerves around sex, is a lot of guys are concerned (or people who are going to give head to a person with a penis are concerned) about semen flavour. You know, if you're going to swallow or get in your mouth or whatever - if it's going to get near your mouth bits where you taste stuff-

    Sammi [00:00:57] Near anything where you can taste.

    Jess [00:00:58] Yes, exactly. And so, you know, unless you're somebody who has tasted your own, you might not know what flavour you provide. And there's that sort of myth, isn't there, out there, of like, "Oh just drink loads of pineapple juice."

    Sammi [00:01:10] Yeah that is a common one.

    Jess [00:01:11] There's some truth to this; however, it's not quite that simple.

    Sammi [00:01:16] OK.

    Jess [00:01:16] I'm here to sort of, basically, teach you a thing or two about that. And so what I've discovered is that, yeah, it's not as simple as drinking pineapple juice because, kind of, what you're doing there is you're, sort of, you're just masking the flavour and obviously if the taste of your semen is already quite, let's say, strong, it's not going to be, sort of, repaired, fixed, however you want to call it by drinking pineapple juice.

    Sammi [00:01:38] It's kind of, like, a Febreze kind of effect.

    Jess [00:01:40] Yeah exactly. It's it's not going to last forever. So the trick is, I mean, you can probably take a guess, anything that your body produces is a result of your lifestyle and how healthy you are, and what you put into it. So you eat, what you drink, what you do with your body on a daily basis.

    Sammi [00:01:55] So what comes out of you is based on what goes in.

    Jess [00:01:56] Exactly. You are what you eat and all that stuff. So the top tip here is number one: drink enough water. I mean we say this quite a lot with sex advice, but it makes sense that the more you drink the more diluted any sort of flavour (your natural flavour) is going to be and you'll provide more of it. So for somebody who quite likes the idea of producing a nice big load, let's say, drinking lots of water will help with this. And then after that it's about removing toxins so things like if you're a smoker - I guess, you know top tip, don't smoke - but it's not that simple.

    Sammi [00:02:30] Simple as that.

    Jess [00:02:31] Just quit! But things like that you'd class as a toxin so smoking, alcohol is definitely one, caffeine is another one I know. I mean I'm a lover of coffee so that's a tough one for me. I know, but cutting things like that out of your diet, or at least for sort of, like, a few days before is really, really going to help. And then once we've done that then you can start affecting the flavour with things like pineapple.

    Sammi [00:02:56] Right.

    Jess [00:02:57] Kiwi is another really good, one sort of like fresh, light fruits that will start to sweeten the taste, but it won't work unless you've removed those toxins first. And so, yes so what I learned this week is that pineapple is not a quick fix for jizz taste.

    Sammi [00:03:10] So I learned this week that people who have less sex work harder. So there was a study by the University of Gottingen in Germany (I don't know how you say that, sorry Germany) that found that 36 percent of men and 35 percent of women who only had sex once a week (I say only once a week like that's a low number, it's still reasonable, it's still perfectly fine) - yes, 36 percent of men, 35 percent of women who only had sex once a week use work to compensate for their lack of sexual fulfilment.

    Jess [00:03:44] That's interesting so I was going to ask you, like, is it a chicken or the egg kind of situation? Which came first? Is it that people are working so much that they are only having sex like once a week, or however many times. Or is it, yeah, that their sex life is already maybe not as much as they would like it to be...

    Sammi [00:04:01] And therefore they're filling the gap with work.

    Jess [00:04:02] Yeah. Literally fill in the gap.

    Sammi [00:04:04] Well, yeah. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy isn't it. You know, you work more so you probably get more stressed, so you're more stressed, so you have less sex, so you have less sex so you're working hard. And also sex is a nat- national stress relief?! Natural stress reliever, you're kind of adding fuel to the fire by not having it.

    Jess [00:04:26] Yeah, yeah totally. But then, yeah, it's an odd one isn't it, because although sex is a stress reliever, as you all know, stress can massively impact your sex drive and your ability to reach pleasure or orgasm during sex so, gah. Stress.

    Sammi [00:04:42] Stress, man.

    Jess [00:04:43] Stress.

    Sammi [00:04:43] And stress, man, brings us on to the hot topic of the week which is: how can I get rid of my nerves about sex? Because it can be stressful for some people, the idea of sex.

    Jess [00:04:53] Yep, definitely. I think we can all get in our heads too much at times, can't we?

    Sammi [00:04:58] Yeah, definitely.

    Jess [00:04:59] Yes. So I think nerves and sex go hand-in-hand, and I'm sure a lot of listeners can relate to this.

    Sammi [00:05:05] Yeah, definitely. But what do you think people might get nervous about when it comes to sex? What could be the main worries?

    Jess [00:05:13] I think quite high up on the list is, it feeds into what I was just saying, expectations and therefore, like, performance?

    Sammi [00:05:20] Yeah, performance is a big one.

    Jess [00:05:21] You know, I don't, I don't, really like using that word in conjunction with sex because it's not something you're doing on a stage. You're not putting on a show. However, you know, anyone who's listening knows what we mean by that.

    Sammi [00:05:34] It's more performance in the same kind of vein as like athletes, isn't it?

    Jess [00:05:38] Yes, that's a good way of putting it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So this, this idea that you have to, you have to be reaching some sort of a goal. You know, the same thing like with sports or athletes rather than focusing on the journey itself. And yes. So either how much pleasure you're giving your partner and whether you're doing it sort of, quote unquote, "good enough", you know you're doing a good enough job. But also we can put pressure on ourselves, so you know, am I having enough fun, am I going to reach orgasm, you know, and having this sort of end line to reach to. So that puts a lot of pressure on people.

    Sammi [00:06:14] Yeah, definitely. I think you know, when you when you're... When it comes to orgasm especially, I think a lot of people feel like "Both of us must come, and that must be the way and if it isn't then I'm doing something wrong and ahhh".

    Jess [00:06:25] Yeah. And did you even have sex if you didn't orgasm? Which, you know, I know we... A lot of people want to reach that, and it can be magical and amazing when it happens. But I've said this time and time again, you're actually more likely to get there if you kind of just stop thinking about it. The less pressure you put on yourself and your partner to do it. And also, again, it doesn't matter whether you are having sex for the first time or the hundredth time or whether it's someone you've had sex before or a new partner, or yourself, it's trying to go in and treat every time you do it as if it's the first time. So, you know, each scenario is different, everybody's body is different. And you never really want to go into sex feeling like you know it all anyway so putting pressure on yourself as if you should, is counterproductive.

    Sammi [00:07:14] I think also one of the main things that people worry about is body image, and that's something that came out of the Sexual Happiness Study that we did, is that the biggest inhibitor to a positive sexual experience, particularly among women, was body image and not feeling confident in their own appearance. And I think that's something that people struggle with a lot when it comes to sex because how how many people are you naked in front of?

    Jess [00:07:40] Yeah, exactly. I mean a lot of people aren't even naked in front of themselves. Very often. So your partner or the person you're sleeping with might even be the only person that sees you nude. And also not knowing what it is your partner necessarily wants to see, I guess, I guess you know we all fill in the blanks and assume that our partner is going to find that the stereotypical media "sexy", sexy, and if you don't follow that very narrow sort of window.

    Sammi [00:08:07] Narrow in terms of frames of reference.

    Jess [00:08:10] Yeah. Yeah, but you know if you don't necessarily align yourself with that, then yeah, it can be difficult to find yourself sexy. And then you can get caught up in your head. And again it sort of reduces sexual pleasure. Yes. So what can you do about that?

    Sammi [00:08:25] I think the first thing you need to remember is that this person is already into you.

    Jess [00:08:30] Yes.

    Sammi [00:08:32] They're there to have sex with you. They're not doing that because they don't find you attractive. They find you attractive and they like your body but it's also not really about them, actually. It's about your relationship with your body and how you feel about it. So it's about working on that individually. You know, taking the time to look at yourself... I say "critically" I don't mean "critically" in terms of... Maybe "objectively" is a better word.

    Jess [00:08:55] Yeah.

    Sammi [00:08:56] And say, "Okay, I'm not quite as comfortable with this area. But look how great this area is! Look how good that is!" Like, you... you will, if you look at your body, you're going to find something that you like, or something that you enjoy showing off. It could be something like your eyes. It could be your bum. It could be your legs. It could be anything. And realizing that, OK, so I don't I don't have to be this sexual being all the time, I just need to work on being a person and loving who I am as a person, and it's not as easy as doing that overnight, it's a constant battle. And in a couple of weeks, actually, we do have a guest presenter coming on to help talk to us about how to feel sexy, so come back in a couple of weeks for that. She will be able to give you some more tips than I can, but, yeah. It's a constant thing. Don't ever feel like you'll reach a day when you go "I am perfectly happy with my body" because you won't. You're going to have to keep working on it.

    Jess [00:09:49] Yeah, absolutely.

    Sammi [00:09:50] And over time, you will feel more confident.

    Jess [00:09:53] That's a really good tip. Yes. It's always really easy to focus on things you don't like about yourself. So yeah, finding those things you do like, and focus on that and then, you know if you want to accentuate that in the bedroom, that's where things like, you know, you want to bring lingerie in, or you know, you're somebody who wears makeup, or you want to do your hair a certain way, or whatever it is you know you can definitely make the most of that and anybody... So, for me in my own life, something that massively helped my confidence was doing burlesque. Now, I know that's not for everybody, and not everyone's going to want to get on a stage and strip, and that's not really what it was about for me. But the thing that I learned was that, it was like, "OK you don't like this part of your body. Have you tried wearing this kind of lingerie and showing this bit off?" and somebody telling me, you know, oh, well, you don't have to take it all off, you know, you could keep your corset on, cover up your tummy and just show off your butt. And I was like, well, wait, this is revolutionary for me, this idea that you don't have to be butt naked to be sexy or having sex.

    Sammi [00:10:50] And I think, yeah, we're told so often aren't we, like, "Wear this to hide this area of your body" and you're like "Mmm, it's not about hiding areas of your body", it's about being like, "I would like you to focus on the bit that I do like, so that I know that that's what you're paying attention to, and what you can... What you're getting turned on by" and then you're like, "Well, you know, I can see why you're being turned on by that because it's great.".

    Jess [00:11:09] Yeah.

    Sammi [00:11:10] "And I look great."

    Jess [00:11:11] Yeah. Lingerie is like the highlighter of your makeup kit. It's like, you know, I got these cheekbones and I'm going to make 'em POW! And basically, I'm going to do that with, you know, stockings and suspenders or whatever is your thing, or just slip on some heels or, you know, whatever makes you feel great, or if you're a guy, or somebody with a penis, you know, getting some underwear that really accentuates your package or whatever it is that makes you feel amazing, you know.

    Sammi [00:11:34] Yeah. And another aspect of body confidence in the bedroom: like, people worry a lot about their genitals don't they?

    Jess [00:11:42] Yes, and I think these two things are very linked aren't they? Because again, how many people do you show your genitals to? And particularly speaking from a woman/person with a clitoris' perspective, I think we are even worse at looking at our bits. So it takes us a lot longer to do that than maybe a guy, just purely because of how it's positioned.

    Sammi [00:12:03] Yeah I mean that's the thing. Men, for whatever reason, will probably see their genitals every day.

    Jess [00:12:07] Yeah.

    Sammi [00:12:08] It's right there, it's in front. You use it when you need to go to the loo.

    Jess [00:12:12] You don't need a mirror to sort of get a good look at it.

    Sammi [00:12:14] Yeah. We're not often contorting ourselves into angles or standing over mirrors to see what's going on there. So it's much... We're much less familiar I think.

    Jess [00:12:22] Because we're not familiar with what our bits look like, we don't even know, and then your partner's getting a jolly good look at them and you're like, "Oh what does it look like?" You know. "Is it okay? Do they like the look of it? Does it smell okay? Does it taste okay?" And all the rest of it. And then, you know, but even for people with a penis, I would say even more so you know. How common is the phrase, oh, you know, about size. "Is it big enough? Is it thick enough?" For sure. And the thing is there's such a variety out there. That's the thing is to remember that there is a huge variety. And what genitals look like, no matter which genitals, you've got, no two are alike. So from the get-go, no, you're not like anybody else. That's just a fact of life. And then when it comes right down to it again, I think it's all feeding into that performance thing really. All you got to worry about is, are you clean? Do you look after it? Because then the rest is going to be, you know if you're worried about smell, you know, bodies have a natural smell and scent. Sex is quite a carnal thing.

    Sammi [00:13:27] Yes.

    Jess [00:13:27] So having a natural smell and something that doesn't smell like flowers or perfume is better, I would argue and it's going to be more arousing for your partner. So not trying to disguise anything.

    Sammi [00:13:38] And so you're not masking pheromones and things like that.

    Jess [00:13:40] Exactly.

    Sammi [00:13:40] Which are part of scent, and integral to sexual attraction and arousal.

    Jess [00:13:44] Absolutely. So there's that side of it. And then when it comes to penis size, or clitoral size, or vulva size, really it's just it's it's that age-old thing. It's not the size, it's what you do with it.

    Sammi [00:13:56] Yes. The baseline is: are you getting pleasure? As long as you're happy with your genitals. That's the main thing.

    Jess [00:14:05] And just going back to the fact that everybody's bodies are different, particularly when we're looking at genitals. If you're actually interested in, sort of, having a little snoop, I mean you may have heard of the wall of vaginas? That art installation. Well, that was really cool, but I really recommend you take a look at. She's a photographer and an author. She's made a few books called Laura Dodsworth and she's made an amazing collection of image-based books. One's called Manhood, one's called Womanhood and one's called The Bare Reality and I think it's just about boobs. Her books, I've a flick through them, but literally recently I had a really good look at them, and you know, even as somebody like myself who's worked in this industry now for seven years (before that I was a porn photographer) I've seen a lot of genitals in my life. And even, so flicking through this book I was like, "Well I never". There are so many different shapes sizes and everything. And it was really like satisfying to see. So I recommend anybody out there who's curious has a little look. It's really, really interesting stuff.

    Sammi [00:15:10] Something else that I think comes up a lot for people when they're thinking about sex, and they might get nervous about it, is the prospect of it being painful or uncomfortable. Obviously that's something we're sold with, particularly with first time sex or first time penetration for people with a vulva. We're told that it will be painful. When it comes to anal play as well, I think a lot of people have it in mind that it's got to hurt from the very nature of it. And also if you're someone who has experienced pain or discomfort in the past, or you do still experience pain and discomfort, then the prospect of sex can be quite nerve-racking.

    Jess [00:15:46] Yeah. And then also particularly, just adding on to what you've just said there, is that if you've experienced pain before, it can sort of make everything tense up, which can also then lead to pain in itself, even if they wouldn't have been pain otherwise. So yeah again it's a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy isn't it. I think when it comes to if it's, whether it's your first time having sex ever and by sex, I'm meaning penetration of a vagina here, or if it's your first time maybe doing anal, or you're trying anal sex, or you're sleeping with somebody for the first time, the most important thing you can do is research.

    Sammi [00:16:21] Yeah.

    Jess [00:16:22] Sort of, really, really pad out your knowledge. Don't go in blind and not really knowing what to expect or, sort of, go along with myths because first time sex and anal sex isn't always painful. In fact anal sex should never be painful, and actually, well, neither should neither should first time vaginal sex if you've, if you've probably been warmed up and you've had plenty of foreplay, and you're wet/using lubrication. So I would say number one. Number one thing here is if you do experience pain, stop. Stop immediately because there's never a reason to experience pain during sex, no matter what kind of sex you're having. So this can be something that you sort of build up to, so if this your first time having sex and it's with a penis, you don't have to insert the whole penis. You know, you can be enjoying shallow penetration and you can build up to full penetration if that's something that you want to do. Again with anal, it's all about taking it slow, taking it steady and being prepared to move backwards as well as forwards with your exploration, I would say. And yeah, do your research and know what to expect.

    Sammi [00:17:29] And foreplay!

    Jess [00:17:31] Foreplay!

    Sammi [00:17:32] I mean we use the word... When we say "foreplay", we are talking about, in this instance, stuff that you would do - sexual activity that you would do before you get to penetration, but foreplay doesn't just mean that, foreplay can be, can happen at any point it can be... Your entire sex life can be built around non-penetrative play or play with sex toys or anything like that. But definitely when you are building up to penetration either anally or vaginally and you are worried about pain, then you have to make sure that you're fully aroused first.

    Jess [00:17:58] Yes.

    Sammi [00:17:58] And the best way to do that is with foreplay.

    Jess [00:18:01] Absolutely. And when it comes right down to as well, is my top tip is always to explore something new on your own before you do it with a partner. So, again, whether you're having sex for the first time or, maybe you're about to try anal, or even if it's with a new partner, explore these things on your own first. And this is one of the magical things of, you know, whether it's sex toys or, you know, you've probably got some fingers on the ends of your hand and you can explore these things on your own. So if you're not used to something being inserted into your vagina, try it on your own first. Get used to that sensation and it, it can be just more... More easy to stop things if you're on your own if you're like 'Well that's a bit uncomfortable". It's only you there, you can just go, "Oh well I'm going to do that slightly differently" and you can figure out what works for you, and you're not, sort of, at the hands or the whim of a partner who maybe doesn't have a full idea of what you're feeling. You know, remember they can feel what they can feel, they have no idea what you're experiencing during sex or during sexual pleasure. So try things on your own first before you bring in a partner.

    Sammi [00:19:02] And I have two more points on this. One is: add lube!

    Jess [00:19:06] Yes.

    Sammi [00:19:08] Lube will make everything much smoother, much less painful, because it reduces friction and friction, although sometimes it's a good thing when it comes to sex because it can help with stimulation depending on what you're doing, it can also be the cause of a lot of pain and discomfort if it's done dry.

    Jess [00:19:25] Yes you don't want it dry.

    Sammi [00:19:28] So lube. Lube could help. Also, if this is a persistent problem and you're finding that you're experiencing pain during sex on your own, with a partner, however, do go to your doctor just to be on the safe side. They might also be able to give you some more tips on what you could try that will work specifically for you. And don't be embarrassed by it because they've seen it before.

    Jess [00:19:50] Absolutely. It's all body stuff.

    Sammi [00:19:51] Yeah. That's their job.

    Jess [00:19:53] Yeah, definitely. Just remember that pain is not normal. So do go check it out.

    Sammi [00:19:59] And you don't have to settle for it.

    Jess [00:20:00] No. No settling here.

    Sammi [00:20:03] So I think those are the the main ones really that people might worry about but if you do have any other concerns about sex please do get in contact with us. You can e-mail us podcast at lovehoney dot com with any questions and we can talk about that in a future episode if you would like.

    Jess [00:20:17] So I think that brings us onto our question of the week. So let's have a look. Ah, now this one, this actually came into us on e-mail.

    Sammi [00:20:25] Yes. This was an e-mail query.

    Jess [00:20:26] Hurray!

    Sammi [00:20:28] Thank you for sending, anonymous.

    Jess [00:20:29] Thank you for listening and for sending us a question. So we have been asked: "So my question is, how can I get my boyfriend to improve in foreplay such as oral or fingering? How can he improve his technique so that it's pleasurable and not just licking? Are there any other tips you might have?"

    Sammi [00:20:47] Well, general tips for improvement depend very much on what he's doing, and what you enjoy. So do you... Are you familiar with with what you like? First and foremost, because it might be one thing to say, what he's doing isn't working for me, but can you then counter that argument with, I know what does work for me. Because if you do know then you can tell him and you can encourage him to do those things. So like, I don't know, maybe, during oral you prefer his tongue going round the clitoris rather than across so when he's doing that, you make the noises and you encourage him that that's the thing you like.

    Jess [00:21:23] Yes. Yeah.

    Sammi [00:21:24] Whereas if you don't know, you can't then positively direct him to where he needs to go.

    Jess [00:21:29] Yeah. Definitely. And giving, sort of, direct verbal encouragement is good as well. There's not just a simple, sort of, making the right noises when he's doing it right. And then being dead silent, and you know like being silent, or making rejection noises when he's not. But, you know, literally saying like "Oh, that. That's it. Keep doing that.".

    Sammi [00:21:52] Yeah.

    Jess [00:21:53] Being really really direct is good.

    Sammi [00:21:55] "That is tickety-boo". Yeah.

    Jess [00:21:58] Yeah.

    Sammi [00:21:58] Positive verbal affirmation of what he's doing.

    Jess [00:22:01] Absolutely.

    Sammi [00:22:02] And I think also if it's something that he's unwilling to do, so like if he's not doing it for as long, or he's not doing as frequently as you would like, maybe again have a conversation with him and be like, "I really like this aspect of our sex life" (always start with a positive) and say "I'm really enjoying this and I really like it as well, when you go down on me, but I don't feel like you're as willing to do that". Or as you know, "Would you tell me why you don't seem to like doing it?" Like just, yeah, get a bit more feedback from him.

    Jess [00:22:38] Yeah. Because I think what you'll find is that in most scenarios like this it comes down to, sort of, having experience and not really knowing what to do down there. Nobody wants to feel like they don't know what they're doing in the bedroom, but also nobody really wants to admit it by asking. So by you taking the reins a bit and just saying, you know, like you say, "I really like it when you do this, how do you feel about doing that a bit longer?" Or you know, and you know it might be a thing like, "Oh well actually, love I get tongue ache." OK. "Well, in-between time, can you use your fingers, can you do this?" Like, offer up some suggestions that might help, or bring in a sex toy, that can also really help as well.

    Sammi [00:23:13] Yeah. Oh, and when it comes to, I mean this isn't quite so easy for oral sex because you know unless you're a Catherine wheel you can't get around there yourself, but when it comes to fingering or manual play you can make a, like, make it sexy by sitting him back and being like "I I'm gonna show you what I like.".

    Jess [00:23:31] Yeah.

    Sammi [00:23:31] And, you know, demonstrate yourself and he'll love that, he'll get to hopefully learn from what you're doing. And everyone wins.

    Jess [00:23:39] Yeah. Win win. And then the thing you can always do as well is, sort of, take, if we're counting foreplay as anything happens before sex, so a penis going in a vagina here, take sex off the table for a few sessions. So say, you know, "Right, we're gonna make each other climax but your penis isn't going anywhere near my vagina or my butt tonight. So what we're gonna do is everything's gonna be mouths, hands, and we're gonna take it in turns, or 69 or whatever, and pleasure each other until each other climaxes". And I would definitely suggest you try and get in there that you, as the woman, climax first.

    Sammi [00:24:12] Yeah.

    Jess [00:24:13] Because it's not his fault, he will fall asleep afterwards, it's just biology.

    Sammi [00:24:17] There is an increased chance, it's not definite.

    Jess [00:24:21] Well, it's not definite, but the refractory period on a guy, it literally you saps your brain and it loads your brain with melatonin which makes you fall asleep, whereas us gals, we can keep going and going and going and going and going. So, basically try and get yours first.

    Sammi [00:24:34] Yeah.

    Jess [00:24:35] Top tip. And once he realizes that he's done it, I bet you he'll be like, "Yes that's the one" and he's gonna want to do it again and again which is great.

    Sammi [00:24:43] So another thing as well is that, maybe, yes, you've recognized that he's not going down on you either enough or in the way that you might like, but maybe there's something you're not doing that that he would like you to do more of, so by opening up that conversation you can find out and you can be like, "Right well, okay. So you want me to lick your balls. I want you to do this" and you can exchange, if you like.

    Jess [00:25:07] Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Because it's something to be said for, it's very easy to, if you're not getting 100 percent satisfaction out of sex, it's easy to go, "Well I want this and I want more" but it takes two (or more) and it's worth going in with like, "Well, actually, can I make it better for them?".

    Sammi [00:25:20] Yeah.

    Jess [00:25:21] Going in with that's gonna make them much more receptive to making it better for you.

    Sammi [00:25:24] Yeah.

    Jess [00:25:25] Yeah. Top tip, Sammi. Winner.

    Sammi [00:25:28] So that brings us to the end of this week's show. But to say thank you for listening, we're giving you 15 percent off absolutely anything you want to buy at Lovehoney. Just check out the notes in the episode description and we've got links in there to any website around the world, depending on where you are.

    Jess [00:25:42] If you've enjoyed this week's episode, don't forget to give us the rating that you think we deserve, maybe tell your friends about us or drop us a review. We love to know what you think.

    Sammi [00:25:50] And don't forget you can also follow Lovehoney on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook, we're over on YouTube at LovehoneyTV, or if you have any questions like our listener today, you can get in touch with us by emailing podcast at Lovehoney dot com.

    Jess [00:26:02] And don't forget to come back next Wednesday when we'll have a brand new episode.

    Both [00:26:07] Thanks for listening. Bye!

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