1. The 101 Funniest Searches on our Sex Toy Website

    funny lovehoney site searches

    There have been 6.9 million unique searches on Lovehoney.co.uk in the past year.

    Most of the words that are typed into the search box at the top of our site are pretty straightforward - cock rings, vibrators and all the other types of sex toy we sell.

    And when customers type in a phrase, we try to present them with the product or page they're looking for. Simple.

    But! Some of the searches are not quite what you'd expect...

    "Anal cockroach"?

    Sorry, we don't have a page for that!

    Or any of the below, which are just some of the 101 funniest, weirdest, and 'whoops you're on the wrong website' searches we found.

    Typos and auto-correct fails...

    1. make your duck longer

    2. election enhancer

    3. cockfosters extension

    4. pension extender

    5. masterbakers for male

    6. master storyteller sleeves

    7. prostate lasagne


    lovehoney site search

    lovehoney site search

    9. extra quiet clitoris

    10. quiet rabbi

    11. g spotify

    12. large g snot rabbit

    13. vibe eating butt plug

    14. king clock dildo

    15. breaded dildo

    16. jelly bilbaos

    17. rubber dodos

    18. nipped pasty

    19. nipple gardening cream

    20. or gasman creams

    21. pies for woman to get horny

    22. parents ribbed and dotted

    23. bondage ape


    lovehoney site search

    lovehoney site search

    25. clint clamp

    26. sexist enhancer

    27. £3 sex tits

    Someone had the Sex Toys Blues...

    28. argue dildo

    29. be warned balls

    30. begging set

    31. bitterly kiss

    32. bleak lace lingerie

    33. blue worthless knickers

    34. fifty shades of greed

    35. cock extinction

    36. fleshlight insults

    37. Handcoffins

    38. hate based lubricant

    39. male sick vibrator

    40. male wasterbators

    41. vaginal fighting cream


    lovehoney site search

    lovehoney site search

    43. very berating pants

    44. misery bundle

    45. pensive sleeve

    46. performance kills

    47. remorse egg

    48. repent rabbit

    49. undead wear

    50. ruthless panties

    51. sorry panties

    52. worthless dispenser panties

    We do NOT sell these...

    53. bishop vibrator

    54. barman vibrator

    55. cricket vibe

    56. turnip vibrator


    lovehoney site search

    lovehoney site search

    58. vibrators with noodles

    59. bike saddle dildo

    60. pogo stick dildo

    61. glasses with testicals snaped to them

    62. Darth vader condom

    63. extra sting condoms

    64. pickled onion condoms

    65. chicken tikka masala condoms

    66. lovehoney wine

    67. extra wine vibrator

    68. make-up sperm coconut


    lovehoney site search

    lovehoney site search

    70. Love twiglets

    71. family guy sex doll

    72. Japanese dancing pants

    73. loyal pyjamas

    74. machine guns

    Going somewhere? You were in the wrong tab...

    75. gloucestershire bus timetables

    76. london to whitehaven train times

    77. meeting point in bangkok airport

    78. walking trails in east falmouth

    79. bike rack inside caravan

    80. staying in a hotel in alton towers

    81. is drinking allowed on coaches

    82. parrot sale in india

    83. North Korea

    Sorry, we are not a grocery store...

    84. andrex supreme quilts toilet roll tissue paper

    85. fairy non bio pods sensitive skin washing capsules

    86. gaviscon double action mint tablets

    87. roasted cauliflower with parmesan cheese

    88. serrano ham

    89. Ragu

    90. Absinthe

    Just plain weird...

    91. Peter from gravesend - timewaster

    92. hide your drink in bra

    93. mild penis

    94. mild vagina

    95. outpouring vegan

    96. room of priests

    97. scrotal parachute

    98. the loo of love

    99. Wednesday

    100. Dave

    And finally this person, who really knows what they want...

    101. a silicone butt plug for beginer one my wife can leave in her ass n get on with housework shaped without risk of it falling out

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    Comments (10)

    • anna: March 08, 2018 10:55
      Possibly the best thing I have ever read.
    • Tracey: March 08, 2018 11:21
      Made me day. Best one is
      13. vibe eating butt plug

      Thanks lovehoney never fail to make me smile

    • wildflower: March 08, 2018 12:45
      Hahaha reading this has cheered me up no end!
    • Nina: March 08, 2018 19:58
      I enjoyed this so much. Thanks for sharing.
    • Audrey Andrews: March 08, 2018 23:39
      'is drinking allowed on coaches' is so random that it had me in hysterics!
    • Gruff: March 09, 2018 09:50
      Thank you. You made my day ??????
    • Natalie D. Davis-Sowards: April 02, 2018 23:52
      Holy crap! I laughed until I cried and had a side ache reading these lists! You can tell that a lot of it probably originated from people who couldn't spell the word they wanted or else put in a typo getting corrected by autocorrect - probably because they were browsing via their cell phones! Ohhh jeez... This is probably the hardest I've laughed and the funniest thing I've read in a long, LONG time! Thanks for this blog post :D
    • Dawnie: April 26, 2018 17:02
      Absolutely hilarious!!
    • Rocky: July 14, 2018 19:10
    • David Lowe: July 30, 2018 19:21
      Haven't stopped laughing yet,thanks . Keep it up as they say.