1. A Customer Sent Us A Love Poem - And We Wrote Back! (AKA: Lovehoney Rap Battle)

    A Customer Sent Us A Love Poem - And We Wrote Back! (AKA: Lovehoney Rap Battle)It's a well known fact that Lovehoney customers are the best around, and I love sharing with you the nice comments our team receive daily, as well as the occasional hilarious drawings we get in the post.

    Just last week, Customer Care advisor Chelsea (left) was manning the Live Chat function when she received a veritable Lovehoney love poem from a kind customer:

    Lovehoney.com is THE one
    Clothes to please and some to tease
    Silks and satins I don't look fat in
    Frills and bows, for anything goes
    Men and women both enjoy a
    sexy Lovehoney toy
    Thank you Lovehoney
    You can have my money
    You give me pleasure
    For my leisure
    You help me feel in the mood
    All is fun and never crude.

    Of course, Chelsea couldn't not return the favour… Read on below for her hilarious response!

    Chelsea not only wrote a poem back to the lovely customer, she also gave them some cheeky Oh! Points for being such a good sport. Here's her response:

    Hello there,
    This is
    Customer Care
    We are so glad
    You find our stuff rad
    Lovehoney is our name
    Pleasure is our game
    Be it
    satin or lace knickers,
    Our service couldn't be quicker
    Or our
    lubes any slicker!
    For effort, we deserve a gold sticker!
    Where compliments are due
    Let's give some to you
    For your honesty and loyalty
    You deserve some royalties
    Please check your
    And find a
    dildo to mount
    For you have earned some
    Which we are happy to anoint
    So have a good day
    And have a little play
    And let me just say
    We hope you and your pleasure is here to stay!

    Feeling inspired? Leave your own rhyme about Lovehoney in the comments (no bad language please!) and we'll choose our favourite to win a Lovehoney Assorted Flavoured Lubricant Pack (£5.99).

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    Comments (9)

    • Ruby Red Slippers: March 24, 2015 23:20
      Any Blondie fans in the house? Here's my Lovehoney poem/song to the tune of 'Heart of Glass'

      Once I found a website
      And it made me gasp
      It sells vibes, cuffs and lubes
      And things to put in your ass
      You can join in the forums
      To have some banter and laughs
      And if you get lucky
      Maybe a tester from Cazz

      In between
      Getting naked with the boyfriend
      I’ve been on this site
      (All night)
      Now I’m trying everything
      From e-stim to Fleshlights
      Nothing is confusing thanks to the buyers guide
      Oh money I’m a losing you
      And when I see my bank account I go
      Ooooh AAAH!
      Ooooh AAAH!

      Once I tried a dildo
      And I had a blast
      Soon found out
      It’s made of borosilicate glass
      Never before
      Had I heard the likes
      But the Lovehoney forums
      End my sheltered life

      Lovehoney stocks toys
      By LELO and JeJoue, and Fifty Shades of Grey
      I’m running out of space
      But it’s the price you pay
      To enjoy some sexy fun and kink and bondage play
      And when Deal of the Day always makes you go
      Ooooh aaah
      Ooooh aaah

      The blog posts and videos are totally fab
      As are the plain brown boxes
      That deliver toys to my pad
      Like spankers and floggers for when I’ve been bad
      And the postie never knows
      About the pleasures I’ve had

      One more thing I must say
      Lovehoney customer service is a sheer delight
      (Damn right!)
      Paige in Aus will even help you through the night
      (All night)
      So you can get yourself a toy that’s sure to excite
      Lovehoney makes the nation scream
      Ooooh aaah
      Ooooh aaah

    • Louise: March 24, 2015 23:57
      Rose's are red,
      Violet's are blue and I believe in giving credit where credit is dew. So, too all those at Lovehoney this little poem is for you.

      Be it for undies, toys or lube alike, I know Lovehoney will answer my plight.
      Silicone, water or even a mix there I know their is no problem that Lovehoney can't fix!

      As for the fours, where do I begin?

      Cazz, dose wonders and keeps us all right and Jess chatting away with her wit and attitude so bright, and dear sweet Alice always happy to help, looking for toys or lube or just a paddle for a nice sharp skelp!

      And so many others whom would take weeks to name please never forget your work is not in vain.

      The happiness that is spread is all from one of a family whom encourage love, pleasure and overall fantasy!

      So on you go, what are you waiting for? You can't get any better than here! We wont bite, so their is nothing to fear!

    • Lovehoney Jess: March 26, 2015 15:41
      LOVE these!! <3
    • anon: March 26, 2015 19:07
      this is my haiku
      it is about lovehoney
      shame it's so short though
    • ShinySparkle: March 27, 2015 07:24
      You guys are awesome.
      The end.
    • Lovehoney Nicole: March 30, 2015 14:11
    • Lovehoney Nicole: March 31, 2015 19:14
      And the winner is... Ruby Red Slippers! Woo!
    • Ruby Red Slippers: March 31, 2015 20:15
      Woohoo! Thank you! : D
    • lustyjoy: April 17, 2015 18:46
      There was a company called loved honey,
      Their priority was sex and fun not money
      They reached 100000 reviews
      And 181 strong crew
      toasted with champers and a phew 
      They manage the forum for a horny bunch
      Who would like to play games, and talk sex over lunch,
      So all of us in the forum are sending salutations and congratulations.

      Theres a young lady who works for lovehoney
      She doesnt do this job for the money
      She makes us all smile by choosing testers
      So dear cazz you are the bestest
      Not forgetting two young lasses called Alice n Jess
      One had the coolest tattoos everywhere but her chest
      She looks so cool
       when Alices inbox is full
      So a another big thanks to Alice n Jess
      Who is also two of the best

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