1. How to Masturbate Without Anybody Knowing

    How to Masturbate Without Anyone Knowing

    One of the joys of sharing a house is that you can almost guarantee that at some point, you’ll hear your housemates bumping uglies. It’s like a university rite of passage.

    But what about when it comes to indulging in a spot of alone-time?

    No one wants their new roomies to know that they’re doing the five-knuckle shuffle after a particularly steamy episode of Orange is the New Black, and worrying about overly-loud vibrations and moans can really ruin the mood.

    So for those of you who are shy about playing with yourself whilst your friends play FIFA on the other side of the wall, we've rounded up a selection of the best quiet sex toys, as well as some tips from our experts on becoming a top undercover lover.



    How to Wank Without Being Overheard by Roommates

    Firstly, get your privacy, either by locking the door if possible, or obstructing it, if not. The last thing you want is someone barging in at a critical moment. Alternatively, try moving to the bath or shower with a waterproof toy. That way, you can lock the door, and the running water should help to mask any noise.

    If the bathroom isn't an option, get wrapped up in a thick blanket or duvet. The padding will help to muffle any racket and decrease the chance of sound carrying. For added privacy, crank up some music to drown out any unwanted moans, groans, or sex toy sounds, although you may want to consider your choice carefully. I Touch Myself blaring out from under a locked door might just give the game away.

    Finally - and perhaps most crucially - get yourself a quiet vibrator. Sadly, there's no such thing as a totally silent vibe, because of how the mechanism works, but you can certainly get some that come pretty close.

    Above: Annabelle puts our best-selling whisper-quiet vibrators to the test in this video guide to find out which ones really are super-duper quiet. Which one will come out on top? Click on the screen above to find out!


    Quiet Bullet Vibrators

    If volume is a really big issue in your house, we’d recommend a bullet vibrator. They’re tiny, and they’re as close to silent as it’s possible for a vibe to get. With a variety of speeds and patterns, each will give you a range of sensations at a whisper-quiet noise level - plus, many of them cost less than the price of a round at the bar.


    Quiet Rabbit Vibrators

    Rabbit vibrators are a little louder than bullets, but with double the stimulation, it's hardly suprising. However, opting for a silicone bunny such as these will help to reduce the noise levels, as well as giving a gorgeously smooth sensation.


    Need more help?

    You can Contact Customer Care, who will be able to help you find the right quiet toy for you. You can email, telephone or live chat to an experienced advisor from 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

    Contact Lovehoney Customer Care | Visit The Lovehoney Forum


    Comments (21)

    • John Pearson: May 02, 2020 23:20
      Hi. My wife doesn’t like me wanking, so I have to wait till she is down stairs so I can use the bathroom. I put music on to mask any sound. Then I can have a good wank and cum in peace. Cheers.
    • Andrew: May 21, 2020 17:22
      Why do it alone ? Share and make it fun for you both ! ??
    • Pauline: May 21, 2020 18:29
      I love watching my man wank then he chuckles when he cums drives me crazy love it
    • Fred: May 21, 2020 18:51
      Whoever wrote that, is my lost twin. Everything they write felt like they were describing my "routine" when I need to be quiet.
      It's all effective, but there's one problem if one "plays" too often. Loud music every time one is having fun, can be the flag that will give one's little secret away. So, change tactics every now and then. :-)
    • Russ: May 21, 2020 19:01
      Difficult to wank at the moment everyone in the house....but I tend to get up early go downstairs put some porn on the phone turn on tv to mask any noise and just have good time.
    • Ricky: May 21, 2020 19:12
      Love wanking & like to be an exhibitionist with whatever lady I'm with makes it more enjoyable
    • StewyG: May 21, 2020 19:45
      My Missus Likes me to wank for her while she’s using her Wand and Beads
    • Gary: May 21, 2020 20:42
      My wife and I have a play nights we start with a kissing each other all over then I watch her masturbate and wank myself off watching her cum is just the best I also use a stroker
    • Jezza: May 21, 2020 20:50
      Before lockdown I would quite often masturbate with a fellow male friend of mine, share some porn and watch each other cum.... great fun!!! Just need the wife to join in.
    • Clare: May 21, 2020 22:58
      Hi, I have many toys from this website, they are amazing!! I’m 45 and now on my own after a 23 year relationships/ marriage. I have two boys, 10 and 16 that never want to sleep!! I would play everyday if I could. One of my fav toys extends at the end with rabbit ears, it hits my G spot every time, I have a tongue clit stimulator, which also does the job!! They are my two favourite ones. I think I could use this in the shower, but to nervous, as don’t want to break it!! This is supposed to be a quiet, clit stim, but yet a little to noisy. Looking for any recommendations, which hits the G spot, whilst giving clit stim quietly, so the only noise I have to
      worry about is me!! Lol. Need the perfect toy to masturbate when children are awake, that hits every spot and makes very little noise. Would love any recommendations. ???? thank you in advance X
    • Mark White: May 22, 2020 00:04
      since the snip i have had problems where if i don't have a chieftain tank at least once a day one testicle swells! and i get a lump outside the other docs don't want to know , i have had it checked and nothing serious hence buying strokers etc from hear but again its all done in secrete as the wife isn't interested once a week if lucky
    • Clare: May 22, 2020 00:19
      I would love my partner to use toys on me and I also like to use them on a man!! It’s such a turn on. I feel if your going to be intimate, as hard and self-conscious as it is, with the right partner, there should be no boundaries. If I ever, ever have another relationship, it will have to be the most amazing, open, honest sex!! I know it’s not a perfect world, believe me. One thing I know, if you have the best sex life, and pleasure each other massively it’s totally amazing ??
    • Mick: May 22, 2020 07:10
      I have to wank every day, the more the better. As soon as i wake up and before i go to sleep and as many times during the day as i can. Love havin a hard on love shootin my load, even better when someone is watching ??????
    • paul: May 22, 2020 07:23
      due to every one in this house at present I take a short drive to a very remote woodland strip completely off and enjoy pulling my cock with no one around
    • Natalie: May 22, 2020 08:03
      I put on a dress with no knickers and have a g spot toy in my pocket, any second I get, I thrash away like mad and get myself really creamy, I edge all day until I get the chance to go and release, and when I do, I squirt so hard, its amazing
    • Dave: May 22, 2020 10:26
      Natalie
      I agree, keeping yourself on the edge before final release is just fantastic
    • Nick: May 22, 2020 11:25
      Wanking is just the best, I'll wind myself up for days, I'll wear my wifes underwear under my clothes,wank often but stop before I cum, and then when I can wait no longer I'll either straddle her and wank over her or just let her sit and watch the explosion. she loves it, and so do I :)
    • Jezza: May 22, 2020 13:52
      I do agree Nick. I think it’s often thought of as the second best option but explore take your time as with sex. I love masturbating with other people, sharing the solo act is very erotic. As mentioned before masturbating with another man has been a new experience but one I’ll continue with after lockdown.
    • G: May 22, 2020 18:24
      Can't beat a good wank using wife's pantys to stroke yourself and cum my load in her pantys and leave them for her to find and use them on me later naughty but nice
    • Ian: May 23, 2020 00:21
      I love it when my wife wanks me off. She sits next to me on the sofa when I have my dressing gown on and nothing else and just plays with me while watching TV. The kids are all upstairs awake and they are non the wiser. I cum so hard it’s amazing
    • Mezza: May 23, 2020 13:29
      I have lots of toys for my every mood and just ordered a new one ...What is one to do on lockdown yes masturbate 3 times for me yesterday and will be playing again later ??
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