1. Violet Blue on Tour: Win the Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy

    Violet Blue Interview

    Want to know how to talk to your partner about the secret fantasies you're just aching to experiment with, or indulge in role play without feeling embarrassed about it… Or even have great sex in public? Well, you're in luck!

    Violet Blue - renowned editor, author and authority on all things sex - has all the answers, and you can find them all in her fabulous new book. The Ultimate Guide To Sexual Fantasy (£10.00) guides you through safely turning your fantasy into a reality, including threesomes, outdoor sex and stripping.

    What's more, we have a copy of Violet's brand new book to give away to one lucky winner. All you need to do to be in with a chance of winning is to enter via the form at the bottom of this blog post. It's oh-so-easy and only takes a moment! Fans of Lovehoney on Facebook and Twitter even get extra entries.

    Ahead of her much-anticipated book tour, here at Lovehoney we've been lucky enough to catch up with Violet Blue on her career so far, non-judgmental writing, what makes great erotica and how to achieve sexual happiness. We're listening…

    Q: How did your career begin, and when did you decide to professionally write about sex and work in sex education?

    A: My writing career began early, as I was published in local papers and online publications from 1996, but it wasn't until I was hired at a sex toy company as their Senior Copywriter in 1998 that I began to focus on writing about sex education, sex culture and writing about porn.

    Going through sex educator training in 1998 made me realise that sex needed to be written about in a whole different way: sex-positive, accurate, and for all genders and sexual orientations.

    The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy by Violet Blue

    I also saw a huge need for non-judgmental sex writing in nonfiction, and a huge need to critique porn, sex toys, sex culture and media attitudes about sex - especially from the perspective of consumers, and underserved populations. This writing, to me, needed to be accurate, joyously celebrating sex and unafraid of taking shit. The reader and viewer needed to stop being shamed by writers and content creators. This, I felt, would evolve us. I became determined to change the conversation.

    I wrote porn movie and sex book reviews as well as educational articles for the company and various publications until 2000, when I founded the company's magazine. The magazine continues today, and it was where I was Editor in Chief (hiring lots of great writers) and wrote a porn column and sex ed features from 2000 - 2005. In 2000, I was noticed by a prominent publisher, who had used my reviews as pull-quotes on their book covers, and they approached me to write sex ed books and edit erotic anthologies for women: that was Cleis Press, and my first two contracts for them in 2000 were for Sweet Life: Erotic Fantasies for Couples, The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio, and The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus.

    I freelanced a lot, and quit the company in 2005 when I was tapped to be the first hire - and later Editor - at Fleshbot, which at the time was a Gawker property. By then I had been running and writing my own sex blog, tinynibbles.com, since late 2000/early 2001. I felt that online was the place we could change the conversation by having it on our own terms, because for the first time in history we the people as content creators could control our content and its distribution.

    Q: You've written guides on everything from flirting to strap-ons; it seems there's nothing you can't advise on when it comes to sex. How do you conduct your research for these guides; how much of your advice is based on personal experience?

    A: I take my research very seriously, and that's not a subtext for saying I have a lot of crazy sex; in fact, I seldom disclose what I do personally because I feel that's inappropriate for a sex educator to do if they truly mean to provide sex ed information or advice. I do actual research: I seek out doctors and nurses, psychologists, toy makers, MFTs (marriage and family therapists), studies, other educators, people who work in counselling, sex workers, fetish practitioners, interviewees, I read all the known books on a given subject, and more. The personal experience I bring to my books is the near-decade of peer sex crisis volunteering and counselling, and firsthand knowledge from my 7+ years working a day shift in a sex toy store, which included things like sex toy evaluations, and yes, trying things out. Which, as you can imagine, has been utter drudgery…

    Q: You're an award-winning erotica editor; have you ever written erotic fiction yourself? Which erotica authors inspire you most, and why?

    A: I've written two short erotic stories, but that was the only time I've tried my hand at fiction and it was ages ago, though it was a lot of fun having other characters act out my own sexual fantasies. The erotica writers I get to work with on my anthologies consistently astonish me with their skill and strange gifts; there's no way I could only pick out one, or even five writers as the most inspiring.

    Q: Lovehoney's strapline is The Sexual Happiness People - to your mind, what are some of the key ways in which people can achieve sexual happiness?

    A: This is a great question with many answers. The first way to achieve sexual happiness is for each person to ask themselves what sexual happiness is for them. What do you mean when you say sexual happiness? What does it look like, in your head, when you think of sexual happiness? What are some things you don't have, or aren't getting, that would make you happier with your sexuality? Remain flexible, and know that what you like one day, you may not like the next -- our sexual tastes and interests change all the time.

    Q: Of all your books, which did you enjoy writing/editing most and which did you find most challenging?

    Violet Blue on Tour - Win Sexual Fantasy Book!A: The books I've enjoyed writing the most have been The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-Spot, Fetish Sex, The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus and The Smart Girl's Guide to Privacy.

    Insofar as editing, Best Women's Erotica is incredible to edit: I get to put it together every year, and I read hundreds of erotic short story submissions sent in from women all around the world. I get sent upward of 300 stories, and they're really the best pieces these driven female authors have produced in a given year. It's incredible!

    What's also amazing about the experience of curating the series is that each year, there is a trend in what I get sent: the authors don't know each other, of course, but I'll be amazed to get several stories in one year on a particular female sexual fantasy, that is different than the trend I saw the previous year. Sometimes the trends are intense. For example, one year it was the fantasy of having sex with soldiers (and men returning from war), another year I got five different stories about crowded, nasty, hot anonymous subway sex!

    It's pretty much the best job in the world.

    Fancy winning a copy of Violet's newest book, The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy? Just use your email or Facebook information to log in to the widget below, and leave your comment. Remember to like us on Facebook and Twitter for extra chances to win! The winner will be chosen randomly and contacted by email. Best of luck!

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    Comments (57)

    • kittyondrugz: August 02, 2014 11:25
    • Sara: August 02, 2014 12:02
      Would love to give this a read!
    • babysonfire: August 02, 2014 12:09
      Would really like to read the book. It seems very interesting as well as educational. Who knows if I'm lucky this time!
    • Jess: August 02, 2014 13:02
    • Khaleesi: August 02, 2014 17:15
      Looks great!
    • wildflower: August 02, 2014 17:28
      Would love this !
    • delilahxx: August 02, 2014 22:03
      I really, really, really want to win this book :D
    • Kinky&Curvy: August 02, 2014 22:03
      OMG I've been wanting to get this book for ages!!! I would be so happy if I won :D pretty pleaseee, make my day Xx
    • Kinky&Curvy: August 02, 2014 22:53
      I've literally just made a twitter account so I can up my entries :D
    • melanie stirling: August 02, 2014 23:19
      Looks like interesting reading,I'd love to win!
    • Redbeard: August 02, 2014 23:20
      Would love to read this together in bed...we are just embarking on our journey of discovery and this kind of 'sat nav' might be helpful
    • kitty: August 02, 2014 23:35
      Sounds fascinating.
    • A C: August 03, 2014 02:37
      this looks interesting :)
    • Kohitsuji: August 03, 2014 07:48
      Very interesting. Might distract me from studying, but this seems important. Hehe xxxx
    • Pink animal: August 03, 2014 08:32
      Oh yes please. Bedtime reading :)
    • Justin: August 03, 2014 09:29
      I've been a fan of Violet for many years and would love to read this book.
    • Scorpius12: August 03, 2014 09:39
      I have everything crossed for this one - lol xx
    • Charlotte: August 03, 2014 11:00
      This would be a great book to win!
    • christiaan: August 03, 2014 11:17
      Great interview. Violet Blue's work is always great. Is a tour happening? What are the dates and venues?
    • Bernie W: August 03, 2014 12:26
      I would love to win this to give to my wife.
    • teacup: August 03, 2014 14:45
      I would love to give a copy to a friend. Start some kind of saucy book reading club.
    • Amanda: August 03, 2014 16:57
      Great giveaway!! Love this woman xxx
    • Angeldelight: August 03, 2014 17:22
      I would love to win this book ,fingers crossed
    • drhds: August 03, 2014 18:41
      Really interesting to hear from writer's point of view
    • dv8: August 03, 2014 20:15
      Books stimulate the mind but dirty books are just plain fun.
    • al: August 03, 2014 21:41
      Ooh interesting!
    • Jen: August 03, 2014 23:30
      I would love to read this because I love any book that stimulates the mind & other parts of the body ;)
    • lou: August 03, 2014 23:46
      looks good
    • Alex: August 04, 2014 00:18
      Exciting sounding book!
    • Alex: August 04, 2014 00:18
      Exciting sounding book!
    • French fancy: August 04, 2014 10:21
      Woukld love to win this price to surprise my oh worth some new ideas x
    • Nichola Adams: August 04, 2014 17:36
      Looks like it would be a very juicy read! We both like to explore and more! Just the book for us. :D
    • Miss Rose: August 04, 2014 21:01
      Love to expand my horizons ;)
    • Nat: August 04, 2014 21:22
      I'd love to win because I'm always trying to open my mind to new things and this is definitely one of them. :D

    • Marianna: August 05, 2014 03:37
      It sounds like such an interesting book. I'd love to read it.
    • Will Butcher: August 05, 2014 11:29
      Would love to get this for my wife it may help her out of her shell
    • JuicyJ89: August 05, 2014 12:30
      this looks like a fab read!
    • Holly love: August 05, 2014 13:03
      Would love to give this a read together to open up our sex lives even more.
    • Krys: August 05, 2014 17:29
      I'm very interested in reading this.
    • FoxxyFB: August 05, 2014 20:16
      This book looks awesome! Would love to be the lucky winner
    • Trix: August 05, 2014 21:11
      Violet's got such an informative and nonjudgmental voice, and the new edition looks gorgeous!
    • myssie: August 06, 2014 13:49
      Good interview! Thanks for the chance to win.
    • Melissa: August 06, 2014 15:05
      sound like a very interesting read
    • Aafrica: August 06, 2014 18:01
      One more good book to read.
    • T.: August 06, 2014 18:02
      I consider myself a bit of a pro when it comes to kink, but learning other point of views is always interesting, especially when the other person is as serious and sensible as her.
    • Paul: August 06, 2014 23:58
      Violet is awesome. Been a huge fan of hers for a while, and some of her books have already helped out my wife and I... :)
    • Octavia: August 07, 2014 00:43
      Violet Blue is easily the most knowledgable pro-sex educator and entertainer I've ever read.

      Great article, and cheers!

    • Karob: August 07, 2014 01:59
      Hope to spice up our sex lives by reading this book together.
    • Irie: August 07, 2014 06:54
      Sounds like a great read!
    • H.M.: August 07, 2014 09:22
      I have been following Violet Blue's work for many years and have always found it to be of by far the highest caliber.
    • Dean: August 07, 2014 13:20
      Not heard of her before but would like to read her books after seeing this!
    • Casey: August 07, 2014 13:25
      Would love to read this book, looks absolutely fascinating!
    • lol: August 07, 2014 18:56
      Looks an amazing read ;) never heard of the author so would be a great way to get to know about her!
    • Jodie: August 07, 2014 23:29
      Winning one of these would be fab as I've just managed to get my other half to tell me about any sexual fantasies he might want me to play out and i'm hoping this could help us get a bit more adventurous with them!
    • Sand: August 08, 2014 02:44
      Sounds like a great book!
    • delilahxx: August 11, 2014 16:41
      Woohoo! I won, can't wait to receive it. Thank you :)
    • Nick: August 26, 2014 11:53
      Violet Blue sounds like one fun lady! If I don't win this I'm just going to have to buy the book.