I have a low libido - what can I do to help boost it?
Sex might simply not be as high a priority for you as it is for your partner, but I think it’s great that you want to initiate things - it’ll be a surprise and a treat for him too.
I have never had an urge for sex. I’m 41 and have had three serious partners. I love my partner very much and when we do have sex, it’s great, sometimes it’s amazing! It’s just that I never just feel like having sex, never start it or even suggest that we do it. I would like to be in work and think, "I fancy sex!" and go home and get it! Like my partner who would have sex all day an night if he could! Any suggestions?
You’re also not alone in that you never instigate lovemaking – in a survey for Good Housekeeping magazine it was revealed that ‘if they had an hour to spare in the day, only a quarter of women would choose to have sex’. And from a lot of the letters I receive, I’d say that figure may be rather optimistic!
Sex might simply not be as high a priority for you as it is for your partner, but I think it’s great that you want to initiate things – it’ll be a surprise and a treat for him too. It’s also good that when you have sex you really enjoy yourself, and I do have a couple of suggestions to give your libido lift-off.
I think you have to condition yourself into being more sexual, and the first thing I’d recommend doing is masturbating regularly. It’s absolutely true that the more sex we have the more we want, and even if you don’t fancy the idea try adopting the Nike slogan ‘Just Do it’. You will get into more of a habit with it, and if it makes it easier, buy some lube and a tiny but powerful bullet vibe. Arousal creams and gels are good too – they create a warm, tingling in your vulval area and the physical sensations they produce can help to get your mind in gear.
You could go down the route of visiting your GP and asking about testosterone-based drugs which are used to treat FSAD (female sexual arousal disorder) but I think that upping your orgasm quota with regular self-loving sessions may do the trick – and reading some erotic literature will help get you in the mood, too.
Xcite Books are well written as well as being a turn-on. Refreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Guide to Sex explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.