1. How Important Are Orgasms?

    Lingerie Buyers GuidesA recent online article caught our attention at Lovehoney. It suggested that orgasms, and the importance of having an orgasm, was becoming less important during sex. Initially it seems like a bold statement to make – what’s the point of having sex if you’re not seeking the ultimate release of climax?

    After some thought though, it became obvious that (for some people at least), not having an orgasm wasn’t that important. The blog post by American health and sex expert Dr Emily Nagoski said that although we don’t seem to want as many orgasms, we want a lot more sex instead. Sexual happiness can come in a lot of different forms that don’t involve reaching a mind-blowing climax.

    Instead of being orgasm-focused, both men and women are more inclined to seek different types of pleasure from sex: closeness, intimacy and sensuality.

    By taking away the pressure that comes with having an orgasm, it can actually make sex a lot more satisfying. Remove the feeling that you ‘have’ to get somewhere in order to have a good time, and you could find that you relax and enjoy sex a lot more.

    Dr Nagoski maintains that orgasms are important, and suggests that there are a lot of reasons that people can’t and don’t want them as much any more. Some people, it seems, don’t want to orgasm because they enjoy the pleasures of sex and don’t want it to end. Others just enjoy the sensuality of sex. Some can’t come at all. Whether you want to come every time or not it is important that you enjoy sex and get a lot of happiness and satisfaction from it. Here are a few ways to help increase pleasure during sex, without necessarily seeking an orgasm.

    How to increase intimacy

    Start experimenting with sensuality and intimacy with your partner by introducing massage oils and massage candles to your lovemaking routine. Not only do they add an element of sensory exploration during foreplay but they let you explore you explore each other’s bodies and enjoy a feeling of closeness and intimacy.

    How to last longer

    For most people an orgasm means the end of penetrative sex, which may be a reason why not so many people are seeking them. If you’re holding back and trying to avoid an orgasm because you want to enjoy longer-lasting pleasure, there’s something that you can do. Use delay sprays and creams to take the pressure off during sex, or, if you’re serious, invest in a STU (Stamina Training Unit) to build-up your ability to resist orgasm.

    Comments (2)

    • Willow: October 14, 2011 16:26
      It's a tough question to answer with a simple yes or no. When I'm totally in the mood, I definitely to want to orgasm, but then there are times when I'm not in a 'horny' mood and just want a tender moment with my partner and what matters more is the closeness and connection with them than whether we both achieve orgasm.

      There have also been times when I just can't seem to orgasm, my partner tends to get frustrated at the fact that they're 'failing' me, but I tend to shrug it off rather than get annoyed. Sometimes my body seems like it doesn't want to orgasm, and I'm appreciative of my partner's efforts anyway.

    • Andy - Ruffled Sheets: October 15, 2011 10:10
      Great question.

      For me, personally, things are a bit different. I'm a massive fan of chastity and tease & denial so for me the best outcome during play is when I don't orgasm but am left wanting more...

      As a guy, when I orgasm, most of my sexual feelings end and I'm left far less aroused. If I'm brought to the edge of orgasm over and over, it does the opposite and increases arousal, which I love.

      When orgasm doesn't occur, deliberately or otherwise, sexual play can continue and, potentially, go on forever.

      Aside from all that, intimacy, for me, is far more important. Spending time kissing, holding, caressing is far more pleasurable than just having penetrative sex for the sake of it.