1. The Weirdest Searches We've Seen at Lovehoney


    On the Lovehoney shopping website, we have a shiny new search function, with suggest-as-you-type autocompleter.

    While we were working out how to make this feature super-helpful, we went through the search terms Lovehoney visitors used on the site over the past 5 months.

    Some were popular as always, “strap on”, “nipple” and so on. Others were, let’s say, a bit more unusual.

    Here’s our top 10 list of strange things we’ve seen people searching for at Lovehoney…

    Top 10 Weird Things People Search For

    1. "Giant Didos"

    Giant Didos are rather popular. Along with Huge Didos, Massive Didos and Very Very Big Didos. Dido clearly isn’t getting any smaller.

    2. "Spring Loaded Bathing Suit"

    Once a week, we look at terms that folks are searching for, and where we can’t match it automatically to a product, we’ll manually suggest something. However “Spring Loaded Bathing Suit” had us puzzled. Is Steampunk the latest beach fashion? Finally! Fortunately after a little investigation, we sorted this one out! The "Spring Loaded Bathing Suit" turns out to be the C-String.

    3. "Cock Plasters"

    Ow Ow Ow Ow. “I was just folding up a letter, whilst naked, and got the worst paper cut…”

    4. "Wii Vibe"

    We think that Nintendo were really missing a trick at E3 2011 (the Electronic Entertainment Expo) by not announcing this latest addition to the Wii - of course, we think folks meant the We-Vibe.

    5. “Anal Syringe Express Delivery”

    Again, Ow. Whilst we offer next day delivery, perhaps a call to 999 would be better. We also always advise you to use lube beforehand.

    6."Homemade Sex Toy Drill"

    Or 'drilldos' if you will.

    Hello. You’re currently on the Lovehoney website.We sell sex toys. There’s lots of them, you’re bound to find something. Please PLEASE, step away from the power tools.

    7. "Strap On Cat Sex"

    Mittens here has something to say to you…

    strap on cat sex

    8. “Where does his penis go?”

    Firstly, bless. Secondly, this is what happens when Sex Education isn’t taught in schools.

    9. "Premature Ejaculating Pineapple"

    Honestly, no idea here. Any suggestions?

    10. “How to do it Doogie Style”

    There's only one way to do it Doogie style!

    Honourable mentions

    'Vegazzling' beguiled us so much we decided to give it a try.

    'Crutchless' is a very popular search term on the Lovehoney website. We're hoping people mean crotchless, unless there's a whole fetish that we're not covering.

    'Hardcore Double Penetron' will be featuring as a villain in the new Transformers movie.

    I saw some people were searching for 'Armadildo' - No way! I thought, but yep, we sell Armadildos!

    And finally, we think you’re on the wrong site…

    You wouldn't expect 'Plum Tart Recipes' to return anything relevant on the Lovehoney site. And you'd be right.

    Comments (7)

    • Lovehoney Hella: June 08, 2011 13:32
      Ahhh! I can shed some light on number 9. Pineapple is rumoured to be a natural remedy for P.E and make ejaculate taste better.
    • x X x: June 08, 2011 14:15
      That made me laugh!

      Some of them sound forgivable like "crutchless" I'm hoping it was just an obvious typo.
      One suggestion/criticism is that I remember parts of a product name but the search function list only starts off with the product's initial word of its title. Perhaps that can be worked on?
      Thanks for the amusing blog, Matt. Good job. =]

    • Lovehoney - Alice: June 08, 2011 14:18
      Wonder if 'Cock Plasters' is someone looking for a neoclassical take on Clone-A-Willy?
    • Dr Dave: June 08, 2011 18:15
      Wonder if Strap On Cat Sex is a Damn You Autocorrect situation... strap on FOR sex?

      Either way, hilarious.

    • Krys: June 08, 2011 20:18
      I've been randomly announcing "STRAP ON CAT SEX" all day, I think my husband has had enough of it to be honest...
    • Kasumi: June 16, 2011 00:28
      While reading out number 4 "Wii Vibe" to my partner he replied "is that not how you spell it? That's what i searched for!"

      Mystery solved!

      He thinks he could be responsible for the plum tart one too, he has explained it to me and it makes sense, unfortunately...

    • Ceekayell: June 16, 2011 18:04
      Sorry Matty, but since last weekend, there's a whole new & much better way to do it Doogie-style: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6S5caRGpK4