I'm 50 and I struggle to orgasm with toys and I've never had one with a man. Any advice?
An orgasm is actually a reflex reaction - and we can learn how to stimulate ourselves sufficiently so that one is naturally triggered.
At almost 50 I have never had an orgasm with a man. I have rarely had an orgasm myself but have two 'problems' - I seem to be able to begin orgasming using my Hitachi Magic Wand (but only by pressing on my clit really hard) and then when it begins, I tell myself 'it's started', it then either stops or I don't know how to carry on until it finishes properly.
I always seem to be in such a rush to 'get there'. Any help appreciated! I know I need to clear my mind and relax but can't seem to do it.
I know you can do this - and I’m going to recommend a device that makes it virtually impossible not to have an orgasm! An orgasm is actually a reflex reaction - and we can learn how to stimulate ourselves sufficiently so that one is naturally triggered.
Our nerve endings gradually deteriorate due to ageing and lifestyle, so more vibration is needed as we get older, and a stronger buzz may be needed to help you reach your happy place. Either that or you could actually be de-sensitizing your clitoris by pressing too hard - so try experimenting with a gentler, slower build-up, too.
Anyway, the vibrator I think may help is the Eroscillator, which is the only sex toy endorsed by the legendary Dr Ruth Westheimer. Your current toy, the Hitachi Wand, is a great piece of kit, but the Eroscillator is even more powerful, and has various different attachments you can play with. It’s not cheap, but Lovehoney do stock it (Dr Ruth has included her own guide) and I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.
Also think about whether you may be mentally sabotaging yourself - not just by being in a rush, but with any negative, subconscious feelings that might be lurking in your mind. For instance, if you’re worried in any way that what you’re doing is dirty or wrong, or you keep telling yourself that it’s not going to happen, it’ll be much harder for you to achieve success. Try repeating a couple of positive affirmations instead, like “I am a very sexy woman and I can climax easily.”
It might sound a bit new-age, so resist the temptation of following it up with “but I know this isn’t true!”. The point is that our subconscious minds don’t know the difference between what’s real or imagined, so just keep repeating your affirmation - you’ve got nothing to lose. It makes the message stronger if you look in the mirror as you say it - and really try to get over any scepticism and start believing your words - I’m sure they’ll prove to be a self-fulfilling prophecy!
So I’d just say carry on enjoying your sex life at the pace and in whatever way gives you pleasure.
Refreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.