I would like to try a strap-on with my partner. Have you got any tips and recommendations?
You’re in good company! Strap-ons are becoming increasingly popular with more couples looking to add an extra dimension to their sex lives.
I would like to try a strap-on with my partner. He wants to try anal, and I would. Have you got any tips on the best one to buy that would suit us both?
You’re in good company! Strap-ons are becoming increasingly popular - they always have been in the world of girl-on-girl sex, but more and more couples are wanting to try female to male penetration, also sometimes called ‘pegging’, to add another dimension to their sex lives.
The traditional method of keeping a dildo in place for strap-on sex is with a harness. There’s a really good introduction to these by Bonny Hall in the Lovehoney Blog, The Strap-on Harnesses Style Guide. They come in several different types. Some people like one that fits like a thong, others prefer the flexiblility of ‘jock’ style with straps around your thighs, or even special tight-fitting pants with a hole for a dildo. The guide will talk you through them, together with their pros and cons, and I suggest you then explore the wide range of choices available. Some can incorporate a vibrator (or even another dildo) inside to stimulate the wearer. It’s a matter of personal preference.
For the dildo itself, a few general notes to bear in mind: start with something modest in size, so he can get used to it, and avoid materials that are too hard. You need something as lifelike as possible, i.e. firm, but with a bit of ‘give’. Silicone, though more expensive, is generally good: smooth, easy-clean and long lasting. Some harnesses (like the Sportsheets New Cummers Strap-on Starter Kit) come complete with a dildo, and with others you buy it separately. Most will accommodate different size dildos.
But there is also a radically different approach: the Tantus Feeldoe, designed by a woman, available in three sizes, this is a smooth silicone double dildo with one end ‘full length’ and the other end shorter and wider, which the wearer fits inside her vagina, supported just by her PC muscles.
So it’s a case of grip and thrust! A bullet vibrator is tucked into the ‘bridge’ in between for extra sensation. This no-hands, no-harness invention is a more expensive option, but worth considering if your PC muscles are strong - or you fancy training them to be…
Whatever you choose, use a good water-based lube - loads of it - and keep re-applying it. If this is a first for your partner, give him plenty of massage and gentle finger penetration first, really taking your time, before inserting anything bigger. And when you do, let him guide you as to how much he wants, and when. It’s all about him relaxing enough to start enjoying it. So, slowly does it.
Make sure that hands and toys are cleaned before and after you play. Fingernails are best kept short - the anal lining is thin and delicate. And don’t insert toys in the vagina that have been in the anus.
Enough warnings. Enjoy the adventure - I’m sure you will. If you want to read more, then I can recommend The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Strap-on Sex by Violet Blue.
Refreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.