I'm a 37 year-old virgin and I lose sexual sensation when I put a condom on. What should I do?
Your ex-boss’s gesture of packing you off to a brothel may have been well-intentioned, but either way, it wasn’t the right approach for you.
I am a 37 year-old virgin (my ex boss sent me to a brothel to lose my virginity eight years ago), and when I put a condom on, I lose my erect sensation.
I sleep naked in bed all the time and shave down (legs, armpit hairs and pubic hairs) twice a day. I run up to 50 kms a week and swim two to three times a week.
I am sexually aroused whilst I am asleep. I fantasize about making love to my best lady friend (we are platonic friends). I dream about her coming out of the shower with her blonde hair all wet etc. However, when I put a condom on, I lose that sexual sensation. Is this normal? What should I do? I feel a bit embarassed…
It sounds as though you’re feeling huge expectations on you to lose your virginity. I’m not sure when it is you’re trying to put a condom on - you mention a platonic lady friend, so I wonder if perhaps you’re trying out condoms without actually being in a situation where you need them. Or maybe you’re just talking about that time eight years ago?
Your ex-boss’s gesture of packing you off to a brothel may (or may not) have been well-intentioned, but either way, it obviously wasn’t the right approach for you. In fact, I should think it was quite intimidating for a sexually inexperienced man of your age, and I’m not surprised things didn’t work.
You also seem to be trying to take on board other ideas you’ve picked up along the way, that are not really going to help you. Sleeping naked is great, but it doesn’t really have any bearing on your potency - it’s purely a matter of preference. I wonder why you feel the need to shave your body hair twice daily? Again if that’s your thing, fine - but likewise, it won’t affect your sexual functioning.
Rather than worrying about condoms, I suggest you focus on enjoying the company of your female friends - and gradually build on that. There are lots of places (other than the obvious online dating websites) where you get the opportunity to meet people: evening classes, clubs (maybe a running club?), joining a gym, volunteer work, etc.
For the moment, just find opportunities to meet people and enjoy getting to know them. It will build your confidence with the opposite sex. If someone wants to go on a date, fine - you don’t have to jump into bed straight away!
Most women would be impressed by a man who doesn’t rush things along. If you do get close to someone, things may evolve to a point where sex is a natural development. But when that happens, you still haven’t got to go straight into penetration - there are lots of ways of being sexual with someone.
If you’ve gained each other’s trust, you could even be brave and admit your inexperience. Take some time to get each other really turned on with kissing and using your hands before even thinking about penetration and putting a condom on. And when it is the right moment, if you’re excited enough, I can assure you, the sexual sensation won’t disappear!
Refreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.