I've split with my husband and he's met someone else. I don't know how to move on. Help!
I don’t think either of you can move on whilst you’re still in contact with each other, raking over old ground and going round in circles, getting nowhere.
I split with my husband two years ago, we had grown apart, and I didn't feel the same for him any more. It was an incredibly difficult decision, which left me feeling dreadfully guilty as he wanted to stay together, and is a kind, very loving man. He told me no-one would love me as much!
We have tried to get back together in our two year separation, but neither will compromise… I am exhausted, and now he has met someone else, someone he really likes, has more in common with and is happy. It broke my heart all over again thinking about why we didn't work and I couldn't seem to move on…
I had counselling which helped, but now in the last few weeks my husband got back in touch and made it clear he still loved and needed me, even though he had met someone. And now he has told me that we wouldn't work and has rejected me.
I don't know how to move on. I feel he keeps messing with my head all the time, I take one step forward and two back… Please help me.
I don’t think either of you can move on whilst you’re still in contact with each other, raking over old ground and going round in circles, getting nowhere. Understandably, you’re grieving for the past and hung up on what should have been, or might have been if things had worked out differently.
But it’s stopping you progressing in any positive way. When someone messes with your head you can’t move on, so I’m not surprised that the whole thing is now driving you crazy.
I think your best way forward is to end to this now - by not letting him be in touch with you. You can call the shots here if you stay strong and take control of the situation. You say that counselling helped - so perhaps get some more, but this time give those sessions a fighting chance of working for you.
You can only do it by getting off this roller coaster ride of emotion that comes with being in constant touch with your ex. Be honest with him about your decision and why you think it’s the best course of action for you to take. At the moment neither of you are taking control, so I’m sure that he still feels as messed up and frustrated as you do.
You won’t be able to have a brighter future until you deal with the problems of the present. So take charge - and give yourself and your husband the chance of finding the happiness you deserve.
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