My boyfriend and I are 19 but he believes in no sex before marriage. It's very difficult... help!
You say his wish for no sex before marriage is part of his faith - which I assume you don’t belong to.
I have recently got together with this wonderful guy, we are both 19 and we are madly in love. But he has told me he believes in no sex before marriage. I have agreed to this policy as it is his beliefs, but it can be very difficult at times.
I have purchased masturbation toys, and he is fine with it, but we are finding it extremely difficult to control ourselves when we are around each other. I know he wants to have sex, but I also know he strongly believes in his faith.
I don't know what to do. Should I stick to the original plan of no sex at all, or should I go for it? I wouldn't be asking if I knew it wasn't what he wanted, but he has told me that he really wants to, but a part of him is against it. What should I do? I don't know how to support his feelings when they are mixed!
This sounds like a confusing situation for you, but I think if you can clear up the confusion, then things will become less difficult.
You say his wish for no sex before marriage is part of his faith - which I assume you don’t belong to. That’s not necessarily a problem in itself, except that if you choose to have a relationship with someone of a strict faith and belief system, it means that the person can reasonably expect you to support them in whatever moral code they feel they must practise - e.g. celibacy before marriage.
But it sounds as though you don’t fully understand exactly what it is he believes and why - and I’m not completely sure that he does either! If it is a religious thing, then there should be someone in his faith who he can talk to about this difficulty, and how to manage it. In any case, he owes it to you to explain it more fully, so you know where you stand. Only then can you make an informed decision about how to proceed.
You need to think long and hard about this and other ways in which his beliefs could impact on your lives together - both now and in the future - and then decide whether that’s workable in the long run. One thing’s for sure - if you lead him astray from the path he feels he should be following, he’s going to feel very torn, and may resent you for it.
I don’t find it so strange that he has mixed feelings on the issue; monks and priests will often (if they’re honest) talk about the struggle it can be maintaining celibacy, but they see that as part of the challenge they’ve taken on.
You’ve each got to take responsibility for yourselves; decide what you each really want - and describe that to each other. If you decide you want to stick with it, I suggest you put your heads together and agree some ‘ground rules’. It sounds as though you really care for each other and want to give this a chance, so get talking!
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