I am 52 years old and I want to have anal sex with my boyfriend. Can you give me any tips?
The anal area isn't self-lubricating, so it's absolutely essential to use a thick, gooey, silicone - or water-based lubricant (both latex-friendly for condoms).
I am 52 years old and I want to have anal sex with my boyfriend. I only ever tried it once in my 20s with my now ex husband, and as it hurt like hell it put me off and we never tried again, (although he did use his finger on me anally and I found that very erotic and enjoyable).
Now this man I see is very keen to try anal sex, and to be honest so am I. I have bought him a Rude Boy and also some ID Glide lube. Is this lube okay to use for anal sex as I know you need lots of it? And any tips on him giving me anal would be appreciated.
I've heard that you are supposed to empty your bowels first, how do you do that? I've also heard horror stories that it can make you incontinent anally. It scares the life out of me, but I really want to try it. Could I use the Rude Boy or is it really only for men? (Just as a break in before proper anal sex?)
First and foremost, you can never have too much lube for anal sex. The anal area isn't self-lubricating, so it's absolutely essential to use a thick, gooey, silicone - or water-based lubricant (both latex-friendly for condoms) and to reapply it frequently. ID Glide is fine - but you may like to try ID Millennium as it's longer lasting and doesn't dry out.
I would steer clear of the Rude Boy - certainly as a beginner - you'd be much better off giving yourself some 'training' with a slim butt plug initially - or your partner's finger as before. Providing you take everything very slowly and follow the rules, it shouldn't make you incontinent anally (and by the way - emptying your bowels is having a poo - as simple as that!)
You can avoid pain if you use masses of good lubrication, massage around the area first, and really take your time to allow the sphincter muscles to adapt and relax.
When you're ready to try anal intercourse, then doggie-style (which flattens out the rectum) or spoons is easiest for newbies, followed by missionary, with knees pulled up to the chest - you may find a pillow under your bum helps, too.
Straddling him (you on top) means you're in control - which is good - but it does tend to tighten the anal muscles, making penetration more difficult. Don't forget to stimulate your clitoris to relax and arouse yourself - the more turned-on you are, the easier it will be. Use your hand - or a vibrator if that's easier, and continue stimulation for as long as you need.
Making sure you're both greased to the hilt, ask him to slowly massage your anus with his penis. If you then push out - as if you're trying to have a bowel movement - that will help to relax the outer sphincter and you can lower yourself back onto his penis - there's no thrusting at this stage. Breathe deeply, and once the head is in, leave it there.
Stop and relax for as long as you need to get used to the sensation - the one who's being penetrated calls the shots here, so you set the pace. When you're ready, ease more of him in, oh-sooo slowly, and then relax around it. If you're comfortable, he can then do some shallow thrusting, or gentle rocking, but make sure he knows immediately if you're not OK.
Don't worry if you don't manage full insertion at first - you might need a few goes to get the hang of it. It's much more important to be safe, to take your time and to build up trust between you.
Refreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.