Tuesday Taste Test - Durex Play 2 in 1 Massage Mousse 100ml
A Report by Carly "Pleasure" Drew
Durex Play 2 in 1 Massage Mousse is a 100ml canister of foam-like liquid that is designed to be used firstly as a massage enhancer and secondly as a lubricant.
The can is pretty and sleek with a purple and white printed bubble design. It resembles a tube of deodorant spray or hair mousse, which I realise could potentially lead to some confusion if grabbed from the bathroom cabinet in a hurry in the morning.
Upon opening the tube I realise it's not going to be easy to dispense - the button is stiff and requires some serious force to get it to work. Unfortunately this also makes the mousse spray out in a rather violent manner coating my black shirt in some rather suspicious white stains and ricocheting into my eye, resulting in much squinting and the desperate search for something that isn't covered in mousse to wipe it with.
It also doesn't help that the sound it makes when the dispensing button is depressed is exceptionally loud, causing a lot of attention to be drawn to myself in a very quiet office. The sound is similar to that of a shaken up can of fizzy drink exploding, except without the muttered curse words afterwards.
My theory is that the Durex Play 2 in 1 Massage Mousse will taste a lot like the way it looks - fluffy, light and comparable to a delicious meringue.
HypothesisBy dispensing the mousse on to the back of my hands then rubbing it in in a circular motion followed by vigorous licking, I propose to prove my theory that this massage mousse and intimate lubricant will taste wonderful. I will taste the Durex Play 2 in 1 Massage Mousse for as long as necessary then report my findings.
Experiment Diary14.12 - Take the lid off the canister and dispense mousse onto hand.
14.15 - Sit in shock as I recover from being coated in enough mousse to make me look like the Pillsbury doughboy.
14.18 - Decide to lick the remaining Durex Play 2 in 1 Massage Mousse off the back of my hand in one quick licking motion, my whole tongue managing to remove approximately 2ml of it.
14.19 - Instantly regret my decision.
14.20 - Drink enough water to cause minor drowning.
14.22 - Try to convince colleagues to taste the mousse, citing the excuse that my expressions of disgust were actually signs of happiness.
14.24 - Fail to convince other colleagues to taste the mousse and fear that I may have to endure the taste of pure evil all day on my own.
FindingsThe Durex Play 2 in 1 Massage Mousse was licked from the back of my hand in one, big, quick lick. This was a bad decision on my part, but I'm not entirely sure if I've learnt my lesson from it.
The mousse tastes bad. Really bad. Like, Aliens vs. Predator bad. It tastes like chemicals and perfume which, whilst these may be good things to create a decent mousse texture and smell out of, they do not make for a happy tasting experience.
I am pleased to report that it's not all bad news - the mousse's texture is delightfully light and fluffy and by using a fair amount, it will make a good lubricant and massage enhancer.
It also has a rather pleasant scent. In fact, I have now sat with it on my clothes, in my hair and in my eye for a good 45 minutes and I can report that I'm not yet sick of smelling like it!
ConclusionIn conclusion, my hypothesis has been proven false. The Durex Play 2 in 1 Massage Mousse does not taste like meringue in the slightest. It actually tastes the opposite. It is the anti-meringue. The demon hell spawn of things that look like desserts but aren't.
However, I feel that it does have merit points to it:
- It smells nice.
- It looks great.
- It has a brilliant texture.
The packaging also explains that this Durex Play 2 in 1 Massage Mousse is water soluble, easily washed off and pH balanced, so even if you do have a Moussplosion like I did, it's easily cleared up.