1. Japanese sex toys and English sex dolls

    Britain has always had a curious relationship with Japan: we're both small island nations with bad weather and distinctive diets (deep-fried Mars Bars and fish'n'chips vs sushi and miso), with an obsessive nostalgia for days of bygone glory that feeds a delusional sense of importance on the world stage.

    But while British boffins dedicate their technological skills to boring stuff like building indestructible speed cameras, the Japanese encourage their eggheads to think big and wild. Who had the first used pantie dispensing machine? Japan. With this in mind, Lovehoney's eyes are always peeled for the latest developments on the Japanese sex toy front, and we're proud to announce some remarkable new products now in stock…

    Two new vibes look like they've been designed by the creatures in the Mos Eisley Cantina in Star Wars: the deep-sea themed Japanese Twin Stim Vibrator (pictured) and the Ejaculating G-Spot Vibe, a toy that does so much it'll probably end up demanding equal rights.

    The development of Cyberskin has also worked wonders for the realisation of Japanese designers' fantasies, if not necessarily their English. The motorised control cock (pictured) has to be seen to be believed, vibrating and gyrating at a pace no mere man could hope to match, but the packaging takes it to a whole different level.

    Dubbed "Genuine Masculine Penis for Sexuality", it goes on to boast "Great Penis Hot! Erotic Need Punch Cannon. You Need Me! I Make You Happy Every Day! Super shape with sculptured head and testicles plus the added buns. It will slick on any flat surface." You heard it here first…

    The copywriter went from strength to strength with the Japanese Talking Wriggling Doll, an even wilder design with a Cyberskin girl tapering away from the business end, moaning and writhing as you use and abuse her. According to the packaging this "Vintual Girl" has a "fashionable design" and "onderfull and aromatic garden". Eh?

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