1. Judge Gets The Dump Over On-The-Job Penis Pump

    Another one from the "You couldn't make this up" department: 58 year old US judge Donald Thompson currently stands accused of three counts of indecent exposure because he was allegedly seen using a penis pump whilst presiding in court. The soaraway Sun tells us:

    He is accused of using the pump during two murder trials and a civil case in 2003.

    Jurors claim they heard what sounded like a bicycle pump or blood-pressure pump.

    One "heard ’a swooshing kind of air, like kind of ch, ch’ and saw Thompson making some movement with his upper body and arms", according to documents filed by the state attorney general.

    Court reporter Lisa Foster told authorities she saw the bespectacled judge attach and use the device almost daily during one trial, and that the sounds could be heard on the tape she made

    We, naturally, love penis pumps - and we're to be found regularly packing a Boi Toyz Max Performance Travel Penis Pump in case, like Destiny's Child almost sang, everybody's pumping, pumping. But we reckon the judge has taken being hard at work a bit too far. We bet he likes banging his gavel too. Etc etc.

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