10 Things I've Learned Writing About Sex for Lovehoney
on 31 Dec 2019
I started writing for Lovehoney in late 2016 – and this remains one of the most entertaining, rewarding jobs I've ever had.
Aside from making my browser history quite difficult to explain on occasions, writing about sex for Lovehoney has taught me a lot about sex toys, relationships and even myself.
Here are 10 major things I've learned whilst writing for Lovehoney.
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1. Different Lubes
In the years PL (Pre-Lovehoney), I thought all lubes were born equal.
Now I know that there is a specific lube for almost every sexual activity and toy you can think of! Water-based lube, flavoured lube, anal lube, lubes that tingle, even lubes that are made for masturbation – the list goes on and on.
2. Toy Cleaner Is a Must
My writing may be a little dirty, but I like my sex toys to be squeaky clean!
Before I owned or wrote about any adult toys, toy cleaner was not something I ever thought about.
Making sure your toys stay fresh and hygienic isn’t just considerate, it’s a form of self-care. You owe it to yourself to keep your toys clean, so make sure to keep some Lovehoney Fresh Toy Cleaner within arm’s reach.
3. A Kink and a Fetish Are Not the Same Thing
I had always assumed that having a ‘kink’ and having a ‘fetish’ meant the same thing, and until I started writing for Lovehoney I used the terms interchangeably.
But guess what? Turns out that ‘kink’ and ‘fetish’ mean totally different things!
In the sex world, a "kink" is something which turns us on, and is a deviation on the predetermined sexual norm. A "fetish" is a sexual act/object which holds great power over the fetishist's ability to reach resolution.
4. Many Women Have Difficulty Orgasming
Since I started writing for Lovehoney I’ve done my fair share of research, and now I know that, for lots of women, having an orgasm can be challenging.
Finding this out was both good and bad news. Good, because The Big O totally eluded me for years, and now I knew I wasn’t alone in my frustration. But also bad, because it meant a lot of women were suffering in silence. Plus, both men and women fake orgasms (read Why Do People Fake Orgasms? to find out more).
5. Keep an Open Mind
At the beginning of this year I was lucky enough to be assigned to write about anal toys. At the time I wasn’t very experienced in this kind of play, and didn’t own any of my own butt toys.
When it came to anal, it would be fair to say (pardon the weird image) that I’d only really dipped my toe. Keeping an open mind as I wrote Which Is The Best Anal Toy for People With Vaginas? turned out to be such a positive experience.
Not only did I learn more about what I’m into, I also ended up with an appreciation for glass toys. What I took away from this experience is that it’s so important to have boundaries, but we shouldn’t be afraid to try something different in the bedroom once in a while.
6. Sex Toys Are Beautiful
When you think about sex toys, ‘beautiful’ probably isn’t the first adjective that springs to mind. But after writing about so many wonderful creations, it’s a word that stays at the forefront of my mind.
Just look at the Lovehoney Tentacle Textured Sensual Glass Dildo for starters, or the Lelo Ora 3 Rechargeable Luxury Clitoral Pleasure Stimulator.
These are just two toys which radiate artistic flair and inspiration – there are loads more out there for you to discover!
7. Everyone Has Insecurities
Everyone has worried about whether they look good naked or if their performance is up to scratch in the bedroom.
In fact, the tendency to doubt ourselves is probably one of the only things that people the world over can all relate to.
No one should feel ashamed about lacking in sexual self esteem. Don’t let it eat you up inside, read How to Bring That Pre-Sex Confidence Game for some great tips.
8. Friends Will Ask Your Advice
Lots of my friends know that I’m a writer for Lovehoney. I told these people because knew I’d have their support – what I didn’t know I’d get was a bunch of sex toy recommendation questions!
One such FAQ is “Which vibrator is the quietest?” – and I don’t hesitate to recommend the Lovehoney Deluxe Mini Massage Wand. When it comes to the people I care about, only the best will do!
9. Fetishes Are Fascinating
I’ve written four articles for Lovehoney’s Laid Bare series and I’ve got to tell you – the psychology of what turns us on is so intriguing.
Each Laid Bare article summarises why a certain kink or fetish turns people on. I dove deep into fetish blogs and Reddit threads to find out exactly what made people tick – and what I found gave me so much food for thought.
Some fans of stockings and tights, for example, said that the transparency of tights had a certain voyeuristic quality they found enticing. For foot fetishists, the fact that feet are considered dirty in many everyday social contexts is what gives them a sexual quality.
10. Communication Is Key
It may sound cheesy, but this final point is the most valuable thing I have learned as a Lovehoney writer.
You can’t expect to achieve sexual happiness without communication. If you want to try a new toy, a different position, or role play scenario with a partner, you’re going to have to speak up. If you don’t ask, you won’t get!
Audrey Andrews is a student blogger for Lovehoney. In her spare time she loves to do craft, but would not advise knitting your own condoms.
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