A Beginner’s Guide to Spanking During Sex

What is spanking?

Spanking is when a hand or object is slapped against the skin to provide sensation. Spanking also brings circulation to the surface of the skin, increasing sensitivity in the area.

Contrary to popular belief, this act does not always have to be painful and can be used to complement other pleasurable sensations.

Spanking during sex can be enjoyed as part of role play, as a punishment in a BDSM scenario or even during intercourse to increase the endorphin rush.

How to Spank Properly

Before getting started, there are a few key things to remember when it comes to spanking during sex.

Safety First

Communication is key.

You should always discuss spanking before trying it with your partner, even if they’ve brought it up in the past.

An unexpected spank could be a major turn-off or even bring back memories of a traumatic experience, leading to a very different result from the one you were hoping for. Never surprise spank!

If you’re wondering how to get spanked yourself, an honest discussion can be a great way to find out if your partner is open to the idea.

Keep the conversation going and discuss what you're both comfortable with, and what you're hoping to achieve from spanking. Are you looking to enhance role play? Experiment with pain? Just try something new?

Finally, don’t forget to set up a safe word. If your agreed word is used, stop play immediately.

Once that’s all been decided and agreed upon, you’re ready to get started.

How to Spank Someone

The best way to try out spanking is to use your hands first:

1/ Cup your hand slightly, with your fingers together and spank lightly in an upward motion.

2/ Focus your attention on areas such as the bum, backs of the thighs and the 'thutt' (the spot where the thigh meets the butt!).

It's best (and safest) to aim for these fleshy parts of the body as they’re well cushioned to receive impact. These areas are also usually covered by clothing, so if you and your partner decide you like hard spanks which could leave a mark, you won't have to worry about answering tricky questions in the office the next day!

Once you and your partner are comfortable with spanking, try doing it harder and more frequently. You can also vary the pressure, frequency and placement of the slaps to create variety, spread sensation and increase anticipation.

Never spank above the waist, over the spine or kidneys or over joints such as the backs of the knees. This can be very dangerous, so don’t be afraid to practice your aim.

Floggers

Looking to take your spanking to the next level? Floggers may be the product for you.

A flogger is a whip with many tails which can be used anywhere on the body but is particularly effective on the back, bottom or thighs. If you’re wondering how to spank someone quietly, these toys may not be for you.

Depending on the size, weight and number of tails, a flogger can produce a range of effects, from widespread thuds to multiple stings at once.

How to use a Flogger

Begin by gently running the tails over the skin to get your partner accustomed to the feeling. Then, start flogging your partner by swinging the whip in a figure of eight motion. For a more gentle impact, hold the flogger with the tails pointing towards the floor, and flick your wrist towards your partner’s body.

How close you hold the flogger to the skin will alter the sensation, so take some time to experiment to find out what they like best.

Floggers are also a wonderfully versatile tool. Ideal for couples who like the idea of power play, but aren't 'into pain', they can be used to simply stroke and tickle sensitive areas of the body.

As with all impact play, safety is important to ensure everyone has a good time.

Never flog anywhere near the face or eyes and always agree upon a safe word beforehand.

Aftercare

Once the fun is over, aftercare is an important step to make sure that everyone feels safe and happy.

Outside of the bedroom, hitting your partner would be completely unacceptable and, although super-arousing and exciting in the moment, it can leave one or both of you feeling uncertain after the act.

Sometimes the submissive partner can also feel a wash of sadness when playtime has finished and the endorphins have worn off. This is known as ‘sub-drop’ and can be relieved by an affectionate aftercare routine.

Good aftercare should involve reassuring your partner that you care for them. Lots of hugs, loving touches and an open chat about the experience you've just shared are great ways to do this.

Physical aftercare is also especially important after a spanking session. Since it can be quite testing on the skin, it's always a good idea to soothe the area afterwards with a lotion, a cool pack or an after-spanking cream containing arnica to help reduce bruising.

When you're more advanced

Once you've mastered the spanking basics, you can consider moving onto whips, canes, or crops.

Because these toys are much slimmer, it focuses the sensations on a much smaller area, rather than spreading it out across your skin to reduce the impact.

The result? Stinging sensations that make your skin much more sensitive.

While not for the faint of heart, these tools are perfect for couples who want more pain with their pleasure.