I don't feel anything in particular when I have sex with men. Am I frigid?

Posted on: May 02, 2008 07:05 | Posted by: Tracey Cox

It certainly doesn't mean you're frigid! 'Frigid' means you're incapable of feeling a sexual response (highly unlikely, unless you've had a traumatic sexual past).

Question:
I don't feel anything in particular when I have sex with men. Does this mean that I'm frigid or a lesbian?

Tracey Says:

It certainly doesn't mean you're frigid! 'Frigid' means you're incapable of feeling a sexual response (highly unlikely, unless you've had a traumatic sexual past, in which case get yourself off to see a sex therapist).

It's a term you'll mainly hear coming out of the mouths of men who are such dreadful lovers, their partner (rather sensibly) avoids having sex with them. The female sexual response system is complicated and good sex and an orgasm usually only results if a man is patient and sensitive to your needs - and you know what turns you on and communicate this effectively to him.

Do you have orgasms through masturbation? If the answer is yes and it's only with lovers that you don't 'feel anything', I'd suggest it's a case of him not being terribly skilled and/or you not being very open about what you need. If you've never had an orgasm, buy yourself a simple wand vibrator and experiment solo.

The next step is to teach yourself to masturbate using your fingers (more partner friendly!). Try rubbing your index finger around the clitoris in a circular motion.

Once you've mastered that and can bring yourself to orgasm, show him by getting him to put his hand on top of yours to copy what you're doing.

If you try all this and still don't feel anything and genuinely feel you might be gay, go online and read some of the 'coming out' stories and see if you identify with them. If you do, there are lots of support groups out there to help you explore your sexuality.

I have to say though, not being turned on by men isn't necessarily a sign you're a lesbian. Plenty of the gay women I know have had great sex with men in the past!

They just 'feel gay' and lots have always known they were different. I'm not sure this applies in your case - to me, it seems more a case of inexperience.

No matter how good you think your sex life is, there's always a tip, trick or technique to make it even better. And you won't find a better compilation of libido-lifting, orgasm-orbiting, titillating titbits than Tracey's Sex Doctor.

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