My partner makes me feel like sex is dirty...

Posted on: April 15, 2008 11:04 | Posted by: Tracey Cox

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My partner makes me feel like sex is dirty because unless we both shower straight before and immediately after sex, he's not interested. I find it insulting but don't know how to tell him this without causing a row.

Tracey Cox offers advice on sex Tracey says:

The reason it makes you feel bad is that he's insinuating sex is 'dirty'. I'm not surprised you feel insulted because the scent of someone, particularly when aroused, can be an enormous turn-on.

The French have a name for the smell of a woman's genitals - cassolette - which means perfume box. Most men like this smell and find it arousing. There's something marvelously primal about having sex when you're not both scrupulously clean - it feels animal and quite frankly, a hell of a lot more passionate than someone insisting you're hospital standard germ-free, stripped of any scent whatsoever!

Tell your partner you don't want him to shower before sex because you love the natural smell of him. And that you find him washing immediately afterward slightly insulting - as though he's trying to wash you off him. If he reacts badly, ask him outright why he is so frightened of the smell of sex. He probably will take offence initially but will hopefully think about it and may well come around.

Of course, the other, less savoury reason for his obsession with hygiene is that you don't smell nice. Ensure this isn't the case by showering regularly, using unscented soap, wearing cotton underwear and not overdoing the garlic (your breath isn't the only place it turns up!). That slightly acidic smell is normal, anything else check out with your GP.

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