Why does sex with my boyfriend hurt?

Posted on: March 23, 2008 16:03 | Posted by: Tracey Cox

Having sex for the first time is a big deal, which means you were probably very tense when it happened. If you're tense, it's not going to feel great. But it shouldn't really hurt - especially if your hymen is broken.

Question:
I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend last week and it really hurt. We waited a week and tried again but it still hurt. Is this normal? What are we doing wrong?



Tracey Says:
Having sex for the first time is a big deal, which means you were probably very tense when it happened. If you're tense, it's not going to feel great. But it shouldn't really hurt - especially if your hymen is broken.

So that's the first thing to check - take a mirror and have a look to see if you can see a membrane of skin across the vaginal opening.

Most times it's already broken by things like using tampons or him putting his fingers inside you, but if it's still there and him gently pressing his penis against it doesn't break it, visit your GP and ask him to remove it for you.

Another crucial tip: use lubricant. If you're not wet - and you probably won't be because you're nervous it's going to hurt again - it is going to be painful. So put a little of this on beforehand. Stick to the missionary position to start with and use your hand to guide his penis in.

This gives you control over when he penetrates, so it's less of a shock and try 'bearing down' slightly with your vaginal muscles.

By this I mean pushing them out. He should penetrate slowly, bit by bit, and stop each time to let you get used to him being inside you. Once he's fully penetrated, he should thrust very slowly and very gently at first, staying shallow.

He can move deeper as you both relax but it's best if he doesn't really go for it the first time. Don't expect to have an orgasm. He probably will but you probably won't. This doesn't mean you're not capable of one, just that women usually have to learn to orgasm; with men it's much more automatic.

Some women do orgasm purely through intercourse but most need clitoral stimulation as well. As you get more experienced, you'll figure all this out but at the moment, stick to bread and butter sex until you feel comfortable exploring further.

No matter how good you think your sex life is, there's always a tip, trick or technique to make it even better. And you won't find a better compilation of libido-lifting, orgasm-orbiting, titillating titbits than Tracey's Sex Doctor.

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