I've Never Orgasmed, What Do I Do?

Posted on: February 28, 2008 16:02 | Posted by: Tracey Cox

For most women, not climaxing is most likely to be caused by a lethal combination of a strict (particularly religious) upbringing and a lack of understanding about your body. Fixing the first involves challenging your attitude to sex and any beliefs that sex is 'bad' or 'dirty'...

Question:
I'm 18 and have never had an orgasm. I'm worried I'll never have one. What should I do?



Tracey Says:
For most women, not climaxing is most likely to be caused by a lethal combination of a strict (particularly religious) upbringing and a lack of understanding about your body. Fixing the first involves challenging your attitude to sex and any beliefs that sex is 'bad' or 'dirty'.

The second is solved through self-sex education and realising that you need to learn how to orgasm, it's not automatic like it is for men. So if you're waiting for some magical lover to take you there the first time, stock up the cupboards - you're in for an awfully long wait.

Instead, get hold of a good sex book which will give you a basic idea of your sexual response system and guide you, step-by-step, though masturbation. (My first book, Hot Sex, includes a guide that will help you with this.)

While you're shopping for your sex book, go online and pick up a simple but powerful vibrator (the non-penetrative type - a massager or wand). (The one in my sex toy range I'd most recommend for first-timers is the Tracey Cox Supersex Pleasure Wand.)

Press it firmly against the closed labia (lips of the vagina) and hold it there, varying the pressure, until you orgasm. It's pretty hard not to orgasm with a vibrator because you don't have to do anything but hold it. You'll feel a sensation of pressure building, which can often feel like you're about to pee. You're not.

Fight the urge to stop at this point and instead try to relax and ride through this bit, letting the sensation build. All that's happening is lots of blood is pumping to your genital and clitoral area. An orgasm is simply the moment when your body releases the blood back into the body, which feels euphoric.

Once you understand what's happening, it can often make you less fearful. Once you've had an orgasm via the vibrator and know what you're aiming for, it's banished to the bedside drawer. Then it's back to the drawing board to teach yourself to climax using your fingers, with the help of the book and step-by-step guide.

Once you've masturbated yourself to orgasm, it's time to tell him how to do it. This could mean simply placing his hand over yours to show him during a sex session, or demonstrating properly while he watches.

As always, if none of this helps, a visit to a good sex therapist will usually cure any problems quickly and efficiently. Only a tiny percentage of women never orgasm without professional help - you're unlikely to be one of them. Log on to www.basrt.org.uk or www.relate.org.uk to find one near you.

The essential sex book for the 21st century! Aimed at anyone who wants to transform their sex life from so-so to sizzling, Hot Sex answers the questions the other sex books skirt around.

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