How can I persuade my girlfriend to let me watch her masturbate?

Posted on: January 22, 2008 09:01 | Posted by: Tracey Cox

Contrary to popular opinion, partner's can't read minds. And even if she explained to you in precise detail what she needs you to do with your hands to make her orgasm, it would never be as effective as a live demonstration...

Question:
My girlfriend likes to watch me masturbate but when I ask to watch her, she says no. She says she doesn't find it a turn on, but I know she regularly uses a vibrator. Is there anything I can do to help her feel more at ease and relaxed because I could probably learn something from watching her?



Tracey Says:
Well done you for realising watching her masturbate will teach you to be a better lover!

Contrary to popular opinion, partner's can't read minds. And even if she explained to you in precise detail what she needs you to do with your hands to make her orgasm, it would never be as effective as a live demonstration.

Up close and personal you can see the pressure and speed she uses, how and where she holds her fingers and how she speeds up or slows down on approach to orgasm.

It's not unusual for a girl to be embarrassed to pleasure herself in front of a guy - remember it's far more acceptable for men to admit they masturbate than for us to.

It's all part of the other myth that says it's somehow unladylike for us to admit just how much we enjoy sex!

So be understanding and explain why you want her to do it...

Tell her while you're sure you would find it a massive turn-on, it's not just for entertainment but because you want to be the best lover she's ever had.

One other reason why she may be reluctant to do it is because she's forgotten how!

If she's become reliant on her vibrator - and most women do choose the lazy way if they own a vibrator - she might be nervous about putting on a show without a guaranteed orgasm at the end.

I'd let her use her vibrator the first time round for this reason. Get her to close her eyes and there's very little for her to be embarrassed about since most women simply hold the vibrator against the clitoral area.

You won't learn too much from this demonstration but it will give her confidence.

Ask her to use her fingers the next time so you can replicate the technique and if she's still shy, get her to simply use her hand/fingers on herself as part of your next sex session - lights off, if she wants - and you put your hand on top of hers so you can feel what's going on.

Try it the next time with lights on, then encourage her to go solo while you watch, still keeping her eyes shut if that helps.

One final point: in porn films, women always rub their clitoris vigorously - in real life, the movement tends to be gentler and less dramatic

They also invariably put their fingers inside the vagina as well, whereas lots of women don't.

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