How to Introduce Bondage to Your Relationship

13 September 2010

Bondage is probably the most practiced of fetishes which fall under the umbrella of BDSM. Widely championed as a way to invigorate lagging sex lives, there is a lot to be said for the simple act of restraining your lover.

For those curious about bondage, there can be a wealth of negative connotations to overcome, but in reality bondage is mostly practiced by vanilla lovers looking for a new way to enjoy sexual experiences with their partners. It is soft, sensual and romantic, offering new physical experiences and an intensified feeling of trust and closeness.

Seen as an art form by many who practice some of the more elaborate methods of restraint, bondage encompasses a wide array of acts from blindfolding your lover or binding the wrists to full body harnesses made from rope and suspensions.

How to bring up the subject

There is a lot that can be said for the element of surprise, but bondage isn't a practice that should be sprung on a partner mid-coitus. Being tied up can invoke feelings of panic and it's therefore important that prior to experimenting with bondage, you speak to your partner about your desires.

It can be quite unnerving discussing new sexual practices with your partner, a lot of us tend to neck booze and drunkenly chance a suggestion in the hope that we'll have chosen a successful moment. This technique often works for other sexual adventures, but heed the warning that booze and bondage do not mix well. Where restraint is involved, you become responsible for your lover's safety as well as their pleasure.

When speaking to your partner, be sure to ask open questions so as to gain some insight into their point of view and their feelings about trying bondage for the first time.

These are good ways to bring up the subject:

I've got a fantasy where one of us is in charge when we have sex. What do you think?
How would you feel about playing with a blindfold when we go to bed?
How would you feel if we looked on Lovehoney for some handcuffs and things for the bedroom?

Talking through this kind of fantasy helps you to relate better as a couple but can also expand your own thoughts on the subject, explain your feelings which allows them to empathise and even elaborate on your fantasy.

You should talk about why bondage is appealing to you - think about the following questions:

Are you looking to enhance foreplay and sensory play?
Are you curious to see how it feels when you're tied up?
Do you want to experience your partner in control or are you looking for more power in the bedroom?

It's also worth thinking about these questions before you invest in any bondage equipment to make sure your purchases are matched to your needs:

Do you or your partner have a preference as to who should be tied up or do you want to take it in turns?
Are you happy being locked into restraints or do you want to be able to escape if you want to?

If either of you are worried about the idea of incorporating bondage in your sex life, you shouldn't be afraid to explain why. Consider your reasons and openly discuss them with your partner. You may find that during discussion, you too become curious but as with anything in a partnership, bondage is not for everyone. You shouldn't feel bad if you are not interested in bondage when your partner is, but equally understand that your partner's desires are valid.

Trying bondage for the first time

Once you're fired up, you'll be ready to invest in your first bondage equipment. Wrist and ankle restraints and a blindfold are ideal for your first time. This will allow you to experiment with restraint and the blindfold will not only bring in an element of sensory play, it will also alleviate any butterflies you have about trying bondage for the first time. The great news is that bedroom bondage kits usually contain these staple items and are great value for money, allowing you to experiment with different toys without investing in a vast array of equipment.

If the look of bondage gear is a little heavy for your tastes, there are plenty of alternatives to the traditional leather and buckles championed by hardcore enthusiasts. Fetish Fantasy have a set of Silk Scarf Restraints that can be used as wrist and ankle restraints. They also come with a blindfold, making this a great starting point for your bondage adventure.

Sportsheets have a great Under the Bed Restraint System which sits under the mattress of your bed. Four straps then sit over the top of your mattress to which four cuffs attach via a pivot clip, allowing you to bind both wrists and legs if desired. This system allows easy release as the cuffs close with Velcro attachments, but at the same time they're sturdy enough to survive being pulled on.

If the idea of rope appeals but you're not confident enough to tie your own knots, there's something for you too. Japanese Silk Bondage produce wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs that slide into position, allowing you to enjoy the look and feel of rope bondage without tying difficult knots.

Still not sure?

As with any sexual exploration, the limits are set by your imagination and once you take the plunge and start experimenting with tying and being tied, you'll find your daydreams run wild with all manner of alluring bondage scenarios.

The only rule to remember is to keep play safe. Ensure that the safety of you and your partner is top of your agenda before you reach for the ropes and shackles. Ensure that they are able to communicate if anything is wrong and that you are familiar with the restraints and how to unfasten them before you put them to full use.

You can Contact Customer Care, who will be able to help you find the perfect bondage gear. You can send an email any time, and telephone or live chat to an experienced advisor from 8am-10pm Monday-Friday and 8am-4pm Saturday.

The other great place to look for people's advice on sex toys is on the Lovehoney Forum, where our community is on hand 24/7 to give their opinions and tips.

Contact Lovehoney Customer Care | Visit The Lovehoney Forum

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