Why men are scared of vibrators - and shouldn't be

Posted on: June 08, 2001 15:06 | Posted by: Tracey Cox

Want to introduce your man to your vibrator? Tracey Cox, international sex expert and presenter of The Sex Inspectors, explains how...

The old-fashioned style of vibrators were pretty scary: ten inches long, throbbing life-like veins, and made of squishy, horrible stuff which looked alarmingly like a penis. Except much bigger and much longer and much wider and... ohmigod, is that what women really want?

The answer is no. The old-style penis-like vibrators were designed by men - men who, sadly, didn't have much idea of what women wanted. Look at most successful vibrator ranges today - nearly all heavily influenced by women - and the first thing you'll notice is most aren't even penis shaped.

They're designed to stimulate the clitoris, which is outside the vagina, rather than for penetration. Yes, the Rabbit - made famous by Sex and the City - is a firm favourite but plenty of women turn it around and simply use the clitorial stimulator rather than insert it.

The reason why (and brace yourself guys) is that only 20-30% of women can orgasm purely through penetration with no clitoral stimulation.

Put simply: you thrusting in and out, in and out, alone probably isn't going to make the earth move for her. Which means one of you usually has to use your fingers to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse.

This is harder than it sounds. It's awkward - your hand gets cramped - and it's hard to keep the gentle, consistent pressure the clitoris needs when your hand is being pushed by the thrusting motion.

The solution is a vibrator. One of you simply holds it against the clitoral area during intercourse and Voila!, an orgasm during penetration.

Using a vibrator during intercourse takes the pressure off the guy considerably - it doesn't matter if your erection is a bit wobbly (and yes, all men experience this at some point for various reasons - too many pints being one of them) because you know she's going to orgasm anyway.

I hasten to add here that almost all women enjoy intercourse without clitoral stimulation for its own sake - she's not just pretending to like it. It's just that it's difficult for us to orgasm from that alone.

Some (lucky cows) can - usually through woman-on-top or him-from-behind positions which stimulate the highly sensitive front vaginal wall.

There's another very good reason why you should encourage your partner to own a vibrator, rather than see it as threatening or as a 'replacement penis'. Women who own vibrators tend to have more orgasms than women who don't.

The more orgasms she has, the more her body wants. With you - not just solo. So she's more likely to want sex with you if she owns a vibrator, than if she doesn't. The more focused on sex women are, the higher their libido generally.

Lots of vibrators these days are partner friendly as well. The idea isn't to chuck them into the bedside drawer but to use them together. She can use it to stimulate your perineum - the smooth hairless bit between your scrotum and bottom - or, if you fancy, on your testicles.

Lots of guys love it if she holds it against the side of her mouth while giving you oral sex. So - nothing to worry about, everything to gain!