Kitty Buzz's review of Leaf Life Silicone Rechargeable Massager Vibrator

Powerful, pretty and pleasing to hold

Reviewed: 12 Jul 2012 by Kitty Buzz, a Married Straight Female

Firstly I need to say that the Leaf Life is a thing of beauty. Really, it’s a work of art. It’s small but it is perfect to hold, encouraging your fingers to curl lightly around its curves in a way that feels natural and in itself satisfying. The green silicone is so fresh and wholesome that (and I’m willing to admit that this may have been a figment of my imagination) it seemed to be imbued with the crisp scent of forest foliage after a summer rain…

It’s easy to get carried away singing the praises of this little technological wonder. It’s pretty in a very design-savvy, earth-mother way, with its beautifully presented (and recyclable) packaging and the natural canvas drawstring bag to store the toy and its charger. The toy itself is covered in seamless silicone which means it is hygienic and waterproof, and both the control button and the LED are integrated in such a way that they don’t interfere with the smooth, natural lines of the toy.

The fact that the Leaf Life is rechargeable means that this toy is genuinely environmentally friendly, and it’s ready to go after a three hour charge the first time out of the box. The controls are intuitive and easy to get the hang of – press once to switch on, hold it down to increase the vibration, and press again to switch it off. It is also possible to “lock” the toy whilst not in use by pressing the button three times in rapid succession. This can take a little more practice to get the hang of but the LED does flash to let you know when you have managed to lock or unlock it successfully.

It should be obvious by now that I was in love with this product from the start. When I first switched it on and felt the range and intensity of the vibrations it could provide, my hopes were raised even higher. It is a powerful little vibe, and its unusual shape allows you a fair amount of experimentation with how you transfer the vibrations to your most sensitive areas: there are smooth curves, wider surfaces for maximum contact between you and the toy, and a tapered end terminating in a rounded tip for a more precise concentration of sensation.

On the lower speeds the noise levels are quite discreet (as in easy to muffle beneath a duvet!) but, as with most toys, the higher speeds get progressively louder. That said, it’s unlikely to wake anyone up or make the neighbour’s dog bark!

So, to recap: this toy is pretty to look at, nice to hold, environmentally friendly, waterproof, very powerful, and versatile… but it’s not for me.

The obvious drawback is the high price tag, but this toy is very well made and I’d argue that you are getting the high quality that you are paying for.

So what’s the problem then?

In a word: me. The Leaf Life is a fantastic little toy but I have recently come to the conclusion that silicone toys just don’t rock my world the way that rigid plastic ones do. Maybe it’s because my very first vibe was a plastic one not a silicone one and that’s just what I’ve grown used to, but whatever the reason it was my mistake to order a luxury silicone covered vibe. The Leaf Life got me close, but even with practice it couldn’t make me come.

I’m sorry Leaf Life, but it’s not you, it’s me.

I know that there are women out there that you will make scream and moan with ecstasy, but sadly I must tell you that I am not one of them.

You are too good for me.

You can do better.

You are a class act, whereas I am just a cheap slut for plastic.

I will remember our time together fondly, but we just can’t give each other what we need.

Goodbye.