Ffuncub's review of TitanMen No. 1 Master Anal Vibrator

Not for the faint of heart, or arse

Reviewed: 24 May 2012 by Ffuncub, a Single Gay Male

Firstly, let's get the dimensions out of the way: 25.4x3.8cm / 10"x1.54". Not large by dildo standards, but big for a vibrator. Uncompromisingly big, black and shiny, it shares a somewhat butch aesthetic with the rest of the Titanman range. I can imagine it could appear a little intimidating to the novice player even if they didn't know it was electrically charged.

No.1, as he/it shall be referred to in my play area, is double dipped so that the matte ''Sil-A-Gel" shaft is covered with a shiny surface approximately a half of the way down. This element of the design is found in most of the range. He/it came in a job lot of 4 Titanmen 'tools' ('Toys are for boys, Tools are for MEN apparently, according to the marketing) that I had been yearning for for months. The product and packaging design are leagues ahead of the vast majority of adult toys. Dare I say ' it must be a Gay Thing'? To be truthful, I really wanted Numbers 2,3 or 4 which are bulbous (2) bent (3) or ribbed (4). Unfortunately they don't appear to be available on Lovehoney or anywhere else in the UK right now, possibly classed as W.M.D.'s by HM Customs. I will inevitably end them getting them in some way. Fnar Fnar.

After the unwrapping and insertion of 2 x AA batteries (into the toy, not me) I then had the enviable decision of which to use first. Of course it had to be No.1 and like Frankenstein's monster I went for the electrical option. Now the hard bit. To insert when vibrating or wait until full to 'unleash the beast'? As I had my sensible head on I plumped for a low power entrance which I would say is definitely the way to go. The weaker vibrations have a loosening effect on the sphincter muscle and the shiny upper part of the shaft enabled this reviewer to take it up to the hilt in a matter of moments. I used a generic silicone lube which was perfect for all the toys in the range.

At this juncture I should point out that I am a retired nurse as well as an experienced versatile arse player and that everyone should be aware of their limits when playing with toys. Dildo play isn't a recognised competitive sport outside of certain unsavoury circles. The consequences of playing without due care and attention can be devastating. Colostomy bags are so 70s too, don't you think?

Anyway, I digress. The shiny top, lube and vibrations made short work of the 'famously difficult' second sphincter and at that point I turned up the power to what I supposed to be a pleasant 10. Little did I know, until I grasped the end to explore that No.1 had a No.11. Spinal Tap indeed. After climbing down from the ceiling and 'dismounting' I could only think to myself, 'good start!', whilst studying the remaining collection. What happened next is another, shorter story.

So, to round off. A good looking, well made vibrator for experienced arse players. Early days but I can see this being a favourite. Recommended.