Losing things up there?

This is a posting about things getting lost (or not) in the place where the sun doesn't shine. But it may take me a little time to get round to that point. Bear with me if you can.

I'm a long-time anal player. Really long-time. You don't want to know how long.
And I'm fairly nerdy about it too. For a period of about ten years I even maintained an intricate Excel spreadsheet detailing what went up, when it went up and how long it went up for. But in 2005 I decided it was time I got a life, and that spreadsheet now exists only on my backup CDs.

I still do keep records, but not in the same obsessive detail.

When I first started that spreadsheet in 1995, my favourite toys were about 7.5 inches around where it counts, and were usually insertable to about 4 inches. And I would have been plugged for just over 18 hours a week on average.
(yes, I reloaded an old backup CD to check!)
By 2005, I was preferring to use toys that were over 5 inches insertable, and with a circumference exceeding 9.5 inches. My average weekly plugged time had gone up to 108 hours! Think about it! That's more than 15 hours per day, on average. Average!!! Sometimes I would go a whole week with one toy or another snuggled against my sphincter, taking relief only when nature insisted that I do so!

I tell you all this so that you'll know I'm not exactly a beginner at this game.

Over the years, I think I've gone half and half between [a] toys that fill the bum but still peek out (ie, the traditional 'plug' concept), and [b] toys that pass all the way inside, allowing the sphincter to close.
Let's forget about [a] for now. I could write screeds about buttplugs (and I probably shall, at various times in the future), but this posting concerns the toys that might, just might, get lost inside.

Allegedly.

But I maintain that you can't ever really lose anything up there.
Let's face it, the intestine/colon/rectum tube is just that - a tube. It has only 2 ways out - the top end, and the, er, bottom end. The whole shebang is equipped with peristaltic muscles that move things towards the bottom end. So basically, what goes up must come down.

If you're incredibly stupid you might insert something that's got an odd, irregular shape to it. A crucifix, for example, or a monkey wrench. Items like this don't get lost, they get stuck. Stuck isn't the same as lost.

My favourite completely-insertable toy, currently, is a three-inch diameter, shiny stone ball. The sort you buy in posh department stores to put in your fruit bowl when you're too mean to buy actual fruit. I got it for 25p in a sale 4 years ago, and I'd guess it's been through my sphincter at least 10,000 times since then! I like it because it always makes its presence known - it weighs a pound and three quarters. And I reckon gravity alone ensures that it never goes in me further than the rectal cavity.

Another favourite of mine is those musical Chinese steel balls. Remember? Back in the eighties you'd buy two, nestling in an ornate (and very Chinese-looking) box. Usually they were enamelled, but the ones I've got are plain steel balls. I like to insert one at the start of the day, and (apart from the occasional muted jingly sound!) I can completely forget about it for the next 15 hours or more! I haven't lost one yet! It's always waiting at the usual place to emerge!

I once inserted four ordinary-size eating apples one after another. This took a long time (and tons of lube, and some squirted air) to achieve. I used 2 fingers to push the first two apples as high as possible, because they had to go into the colon to leave room in the rectal cavity for the third and fourth apples. The sensation was amazing! When the time came to end my fun, the 4th and 3rd apples emerged at once in the normal way. Pressing my finger deep inside me I could just feel apple no.2, but it was well out of reach. So I stood up, and let gravity do its work. Within 2 minutes it had dropped to snuggle against the inside of my pucker. I expelled it, and apple no.1 followed a minute later. I never had the slightest fear that any of my apples would fail to emerge.

I have based my views on extensive, careful personal experimentation, not on medical knowledge or experience. If any of you have genuine knowledge or data to contradict my empirical findings, please don't keep it to yourself. If there really IS a danger that a smooth, regular-shaped object could get lost inside me, perhaps I need to be warned!

Greebo

thanks for this as its been a worry of mine and my partners (after a corn on the cob style vibe whent awol for 2 days and turned up again in the inlaws bathroom....boy we were sweating)
maybe the acrylic contact juggling balls (glass-like spheres)would be good for you, i use the vaginally and like the fact they can be chilled/heated, and are easy to clean (dishwasher safe)

When the government launched the '5 a day' campaign I don't think this is quite what they had in mind :-)

Finally I know what "anally retentive" really means.

hey-what do you know, you're right it does just work its way back down (giggle)

I once had a sleepless night with a large mango up my ass, thought it would never comeout !!! thought l might need a corkscrew !!!!

Mangoes are fun, but butternut squashes are better! I look for small ones - ones that leave a 2-inch gap between the tips of my thumb and middle finger when wrapped around the bulge! These will go in all the way!
And I push them in fat end first!

Would anyone here eat fruit & veg after they've been used in this way?

@ Ms Borgias: Glad to have been of assistance!

my god! im in shock

Don't know what to say.

It's not often I'm rendered speechless... but consider it done.

And here's me thinking I was a dirty girl for putting a small vibe up my bum whilst masturbating, and fantasising about being fucked up the ass!

Considering all the hoo-ha this week regarding the imminent demise of the humble carrier bag, might I propose an Enviromently Friendly award for Greebo for his most novel way of carrying home the weekly shop!

My hat's off to you Sir for your sheer bravery in Anal exploration.

@ creativewriter, I'm not often rendered speechless either but the Lady who pleasured her other half's bum with her whole foot is still ranking at the top of my shudder tree!

@ LadyVelvet - Goodness me, that is pretty scary, and my feet are only a teeny size 3!

Shall we lay down a chellenge for Mr Greebo? A tin of Heinz Beans? Only a joke, I don't want to be held responsible for a guy going to casualty with 57 varieties stuck up there.

myself and a former partner once returned to the fridge items of food which had been used for alterior purposes knowing someone was taking other peoples food in the house and then sat back and laughed...

Greebo, a boy after my own um er.... whatever, also a convert to Butternut here, have you had any interesting repartee at the checkouts then?

Wow, apples?!!

I used to be really pleased with my anal fiendishness (is that even a word? w/e, it is now) but I've barely touched the surface.

PS, lmfao @ 57 varieties.

The four apples were a long time ago. And it was once. I was seriously pissed off and lonely because my gf then had gone all schizophrenic and had left me. They went in because I half wanted to die, but I pushed and pushed and suddenly I found my arse had accepted them! No problem!

Yes, it was a long time ago. Frankly, I'd rather be back in contact with her, happy and straight-thinking. I really loved her. But schizophrenia is so weird, so frightening.

I think all my anal exploits since then have been attempts to rediscover the sexual/sensual pleasures we used to enjoy before.

Oh, ignore me! I'm just letting history interfere! I'll soon be telling you more about my interesting anal exploits! I don't want your sympathy!

(sniff!)