• That awkward moment when...

    1398597802
    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    Your dad goes in your bedroom without permission, and sees several of the boxes from your toys, without you knowing, until.....

    BAM! I'm in the bathroom and he comes and stands outside the door and "So, these sex toys" ignores my repeated "No, i'm not discussing it with you"s, and continues to talk at me about them, "Why do you have so many?" "I killed my self laughing when i saw them" "When i told my girlfriend she said, tell her i've got a bigger better one!" "Are you embarrassed? Why, you're 24".

    Now i dread him being around me, he's already attempted to discuss it with me face to face twice, and when i got mad and shouted i was NOT going to talk to him about it because i didn't want to talk about it, he said he really did.

    Sigh, guess he now knows why my showers have gotten longer, and what all those parcels i've been recieving are. Now every time i get one, he's going to have a damn good idea what it is :( I hate how every last of my privacy is none existent in this house, and it is just so so cringeworthy to be asked such questions by your dad, i was only just handling his repeated blowjob jokes now he has a girlfriend.

    1398600455
    delilahxx [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats awful VA, I would never do that to my daughter.

    I really cannot understand why he wants to discuss it with you.

    You can get parcels sent to the Post Office to collect, I don't know if that would be a good option for you.

    1398601269
    flaneur [sign in to see picture]
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    Go in his room and go through his stuff and leave everything embarassing that you find outside the bedroom door and see how he likes it. Last time when my parents went through my stuff I ended up cornering them in a room and I went mental, it's not like I didn't spend my teen years telling them to stay out and when I was paying rent for it that was enough.

    It isn't any of their business, you're a grown woman and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

    1398603546
    ShannonMarlene [sign in to see picture]
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    He may just be curious and wants to try them himself?
    I no longer live with my parents but I've always very openly talked about sex and toys with my mum. I even advice her on which to get and have actually bought her some in the past.
    I would simply tell him that if he wants more information, look on LH

    1398603636
    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    It's not a subject i would have minded so much with my mum, but he's now managed to embarrass both me, and my sister about our sex lives, he tries to be more like friends with us than a parent, which is usually great, just in these situations, not so much :P

    1398605982
    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    I know you mentioned in another thread you are disabled... I take it that you live at home for the extra help.
    As an ex HCA I would recommend a diplomatic approach.
    Are your parents your carers or do you have live in or regular help?
    If so maybe a 3 Rd party approach might be better.
    We see and here about all sorts of issues about sexuality do come up on occassion.
    They may be able to help you explain that just because you are disabled, it does t mean you are dead sexually!
    I dare say that relationships are also harder to engage with than able bodied ppl. At your age, you are in sexual prim, and a disability doesn't stop you wanting or needing to explore it.... Just a bit more challenging.
    Your dad sounds a bit over protective, or I would have suggested a direct confrontation. Get a close carer to explain your needs are not just around your disability, you are a fully grown sexual woman.... And have every right to find something to help you.
    The fact you state the shower time is your only you time away from prying eyes also makes me think you are getting a bit smothered.
    Parents in a care environment can sometimes get so caught up with the care for your disability they don't see you growing from child to sexual woman..... They still see you as their little girl who needs loads of 1to1 care.
    Once the genie Is out of the bottle, it I'd impossible to put it back.
    Your dad is going to have to wise up fast...or your relationship is going to sour v quickly.
    You need them to be your help.... But not your jailer.... If he can not get head around it and it becomes a major issue... You could still investigate a future where you have your own place with a carer... But I think you can still sort this before going that far.
    Doctors can also help explain this. I know you are embarrassed about this, but you can't feel like you will loose the only thing that gives you time and escape from your own care issues.

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    leahslooloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats awful I would tell him if he wants a conversation about sex toys to go ask his girlfriend or he can browse on lovehoney see what its all about. Id just put my foot down and tell him hes been out of order and its not up for discussion

    1398618854
    JuicyJ89 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh dear, poor you! Be firm and tell him its not an area you like to discuss with him.

    I went on holiday last year with my hubby and my dad came to house sit, did a bit of work on the house for us and put up a new curtain rail up in the bedroom. Well... did I leave a vibrator out...?yes... did my dad find it...? yes... did my dad know what it was....? no! Thank the lord for pretty looking vibrators and dildos! He thought it was a decoration and just moved it on to my dressing table and put a bracelet on it haha :D

    1398619542
    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    JuicyJ89 wrote:

    Oh dear, poor you! Be firm and tell him its not an area you like to discuss with him.

    I went on holiday last year with my hubby and my dad came to house sit, did a bit of work on the house for us and put up a new curtain rail up in the bedroom. Well... did I leave a vibrator out...?yes... did my dad find it...? yes... did my dad know what it was....? no! Thank the lord for pretty looking vibrators and dildos! He thought it was a decoration and just moved it on to my dressing table and put a bracelet on it haha :D

    Lol I laughed at that... A mate off mine has interfering mother in law.... They went on holiday to come back to find the. Mother in law had paved their v small back yard, and badly as they left a huge drop to floor from the door making it impossible for their toddler. She was always doing things like this.... I have to be careful as my parents have a key to my home, and they keep making impromptu visits... Hard when they can let tgeseves in to relax totally
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    JuicyJ89 [sign in to see picture]
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    My dad or mum house sits when we go on hol to look after our pets, my dad isn't nosey but my mum is! Bet she has seens all sorts in my wardrobes and drawers haha

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    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Caught my teenage boys in my drawers recently.... Got a call out frome them.." Mum .... What's this in here!"
    Lucky was just some recent naughty underwear.... But still made me blush and have to day " never you mind! Butts out of my room!"

    1398620426
    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Caught my teenage boys in my drawers recently.... Got a call out frome them.." Mum .... What's this in here!"
    Lucky was just some recent naughty underwear.... But still made me blush and have to day " never you mind! Butts out of my room!"

    1398627652
    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    It is more also the fact he's gone and told his girlfriend thats bothering me most, i don't know her, he's only known her a few weeks, and him even having a girlfriend is a total 180 from his previous "i'd never look at another woman" stance since my mum, his partner of 33 years since they were 15, died almost 4 years ago. i'm not at all bothered about him having a girlfriend, i'm just glad he's a lot happier now, but he's telling all the personal and really private details of my illness and my life to her, which im not at all happy about, and i have told him it is not at all ok with me, yet hes then still gone and told her this too, it's humiliating, no doubt he'll bring it up and tell my sister too, he has no sense of personal space or boundares for some reason, and no matter how firm my "no, i do not want to talk about this" or "stop" responses are, even to the point im shouting it repeatedly over him, he doesn't stop, or seemingly gett hat i'm being serious, he laughs and carries on, and i'm honestly not sure how to change that.

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    JuicyJ89 [sign in to see picture]
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    I really feel for you VA :( Thats really not nice at all to humiliate you like that, perhaps you should embarrass him in front of his girlfriend and see how he likes it. I know its tit for tat but maybe it will make him realise x

    1398628110
    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Your sex life is for you to reveal to others, not your family, or even friends. He has crossed a line talking all about you and your issues/ etc to someone you don't really know.
    On here, you volunteer as much or as little as you fe comfortable, with the safety net that we do not know you in RL.
    I do think you need the backup of someone you can trust.
    Maybe talk to your sister before he does and lay it out you are becoming increasingly uncomfortable with your private life on public display by him
    If he is making light of it... He is not considering your person feelings/ boundaries.
    Go. You will need it

    1398679433
    Mike13 [sign in to see picture]
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    VA your father does appear to be a sad-bastard and a control freek.

    Personally I would not interfere in other family members' private life; I have a mental block when I try to stand in his shoes.

    I don't consider that you are doing anything wrong in your private life; perhaps he is the one needing help, educating and to broaden his horizons.

    How you facilitate his journey on the road to Damascus, is beyond my pay-grade as I have minimal relevant facts.

    Fight your corner; as NM posted, with diplomacy if possible. We all need me-time/ privacy.

    Good Luck.

    1398681373
    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Tell him it is a completely inappropriate father sighted conversation and it makes you feel uneasy. Also tell him that as he quiet rightly pointed out you are 24 and an adult so he should respect your privacy

    1398682461
    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Thinking practically, you might have better results from setting aside your embarrassment. Yes, your dad knows you use sex toys. Is that really such a big deal? He doesn't think it is. Why do you?

    Yes, he should have more respect for your boundaries and if you don't want to talk about something he shouldn't push you. Chances are, the conversation about that will go much better if you're not reacting so emotionally. The approach you've been using hasn't worked, so try another one. Maybe try just hearing him out and learn what he wants to say about this, it does seem to be important to him.

    Once he's said his piece, you can say yours, that you need space and privacy to explore this new part of yourself. Yes, you're 24 and he needs a new way of interacting with you. You need to draw on all of your 24-year-old maturity to help both of you figure it out, calmly and without cringeing.

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    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
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    I respect your feelings here and he should to, that said, I always joked with my parents about sex and things you've tried things you haven't, outfits etc. My mum did my laundry there wasn't much point trying to deny it and sometimes its good to talk if you can!!

    Since my Dad passed away 6 months ago I've been trying to convince my mum to buy herself some toys she's always really interested in it because I think they had a pretty stale relationship sexually and she doesn't really know what is normal? Perhaps your dad feels the same?

    Or perhaps he's just an a'hole =P

    1398980471
    Mr&Mrs Teddy [sign in to see picture]
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    we went on holiday the other year, and mrs teds mum came round to "clean" our house, which basically means throwing stuff away she thinks clutter our house without us being able to stop her!
    when we got home we found that her cleaning and tidying had resulted in our drawer ;-) had new things in it that didn't live there.
    our drawer is packed full, and there's no possible way she could have missed them.
    when we asked she just said, yeah got a nice selection haven't you?! she went on to tell us what she has, and it doesn't bother any of us.

    if your dad isn't fussed, then I don't think you should be. your a grown up, and your not doing anything to be embarrassed or ashamed of.
    don't worry, just buy him a butt plug! :-)

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