• Hubby not impressed with my first vibrator

    1390674773
    Lady123 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 25 Jan 2014

    Bought my first vibrator today on Lovehoney.

    Tried to get hubby involved so he doesn't feel offended, but he seemed a bit upset.

    I asked for his opinion, he replied: JUST GET THE BIGGEST ONE!

    Was wondering what happens to other couples?

    1390675306
    lilmissvamp [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 10
    • Joined: 22 Sep 2012

    my OH picked my first vibrator... an my first dildo for that matter. He gets a bit jelous of it at times but otherwise loves to use them on me when hes feeling lazy.

    the best advise i could give is just reasure him that your not trying to replace him with a toy and let him use it on you, he'll soon see what the fuss is all about with them :)

    1390677500
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2219
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    You need to reassure him that this inanimate object is not a replacement for him but an addition to your sex life together. You can do this by explaining that a sex toy does not provide love, affection, warmth, romance, support, and all the other things you love about him. Ask him how many women he knows in this wide world that would replace the touch of their partner, the sex with their partner....with an inanimate vibrating object. None of us! Also ask him if he understands that different types of stimulation are just that...different types of stimulation. Ask him if he would enjoy only ever receiving a hand job, despite the fact he knows he COULD experience a blow job too...and the unique feeling of vaginal sex....and the feeling of anal sex....and even the feeling of vibrations or male sex toys. What is wrong with options? Would he limit himself to just one or two types of sensation, even if he knew he could try this and this and this too? and if he did experience a new sensation, would he feel any less for you? Would be suddenly think that your hand jobs, blow jobs and vagina were suddenly useless and not good enough? nope!

    Variety is fun. It can spice things up and both partners can benefit from that.

    Tell him that you could have orgasm after orgasm with the vibrator, but if he is not there with you, sharing the pleasure and enjoying it with you, then technically it is just a functional orgasm. There is not the same level of excitement. Experiecing orgasms is about bonding with him and enjoying your sex life together and the vibrator is just another tool to do that. part of the excitement comes from knowing he is watching, enjoying, touching you and sharing the experience with you...otherwise it is just an alone orgasm.

    If that doesn't work, you need to get firmer and tell him that MOST people masturbate. It is natural and normal. I bet he masturbated before he met you, maybe he still does occasionally....we all do it and is he is going to really deny you a basic human, natural instinct because he feels jealous of the methods you use to get there? Would he make you eat with your hands because the knife and fork make it "too easy"? Would he be jealous if you were one of those women who rubbed herself against a pillow to orgasm? Would he be jealous if you were one of those women who rubbed herself on the arm of a chair, or used a hairbrush, or a vegetable or whatever all of us women have experimented with as we learned to masturbate? Being jealous of the vibrator is the equivilent of telling you that you must orgasm HIS way....the way HE deems acceptable and if you are one of those women who can only reach orgasm from vibrations....how selfish would that be? to deny your partner pleasure just because you cannot handle the fact that it was an inanimate object that works for her.

    Anyway. I hope some of that helps you talk to him, reassure him and also stand up for what you should be allowed to experience.....without guilt. xx Good luck

    1390679349
    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 552
    • Joined: 13 Sep 2012

    Maybe try and get him involved in your next purchase. I have the opposite problem in that my wife is usually less than impressed with what I purchase here. Lately im consulting her first and she's coming around.

    1390680734
    pr4wnst4r [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 327
    • Joined: 10 May 2013

    Fluffbags wrote:

    You need to reassure him that this inanimate object is not a replacement for him but an addition to your sex life together. You can do this by explaining that a sex toy does not provide love, affection, warmth, romance, support, and all the other things you love about him. Ask him how many women he knows in this wide world that would replace the touch of their partner, the sex with their partner....with an inanimate vibrating object. None of us! Also ask him if he understands that different types of stimulation are just that...different types of stimulation. Ask him if he would enjoy only ever receiving a hand job, despite the fact he knows he COULD experience a blow job too...and the unique feeling of vaginal sex....and the feeling of anal sex....and even the feeling of vibrations or male sex toys. What is wrong with options? Would he limit himself to just one or two types of sensation, even if he knew he could try this and this and this too? and if he did experience a new sensation, would he feel any less for you? Would be suddenly think that your hand jobs, blow jobs and vagina were suddenly useless and not good enough? nope!

    Variety is fun. It can spice things up and both partners can benefit from that.

    Tell him that you could have orgasm after orgasm with the vibrator, but if he is not there with you, sharing the pleasure and enjoying it with you, then technically it is just a functional orgasm. There is not the same level of excitement. Experiecing orgasms is about bonding with him and enjoying your sex life together and the vibrator is just another tool to do that. part of the excitement comes from knowing he is watching, enjoying, touching you and sharing the experience with you...otherwise it is just an alone orgasm.

    If that doesn't work, you need to get firmer and tell him that MOST people masturbate. It is natural and normal. I bet he masturbated before he met you, maybe he still does occasionally....we all do it and is he is going to really deny you a basic human, natural instinct because he feels jealous of the methods you use to get there? Would he make you eat with your hands because the knife and fork make it "too easy"? Would he be jealous if you were one of those women who rubbed herself against a pillow to orgasm? Would he be jealous if you were one of those women who rubbed herself on the arm of a chair, or used a hairbrush, or a vegetable or whatever all of us women have experimented with as we learned to masturbate? Being jealous of the vibrator is the equivilent of telling you that you must orgasm HIS way....the way HE deems acceptable and if you are one of those women who can only reach orgasm from vibrations....how selfish would that be? to deny your partner pleasure just because you cannot handle the fact that it was an inanimate object that works for her.

    Anyway. I hope some of that helps you talk to him, reassure him and also stand up for what you should be allowed to experience.....without guilt. xx Good luck

    +1 perfect answer!

    1390682744
    Lovehoney - Nicole [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 481
    • Joined: 30 May 2012

    Hi Lady123,

    Lots of great advice here already, but you may also want to look at our guide "How to Introduce Sex Toys to Your Relationship" which has some great tips for bringing up the subject of sex toys with your partner (and which toys to choose!)

    Hope that helps,

    -Nicole

    1390684967
    BigBikeGuy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 460
    • Joined: 16 May 2008

    If you want to turn him round and demonstrate what fun toys can be, let him watch you use it. That'll convince him for sure.... I suspect that a lot of blokes are wary of them and wonder why their OH's are buying a 'replacement' once he get used to it I'm pretty confident he'll see the benefits!

    1390688483
    scotman [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 127
    • Joined: 28 May 2009

    agree with the others if you involve your oh with using and buying toys he might not get scared of being replaced just let him involved and I'm sure he'll come round

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