Introduction to Male Chastity

Thanks for the questions - keep them coming.

I would not have introduced chastity into our relationship if it was something that I was not interested in and studied on the net. You read all these stories and it is sometimes difficult to make out what is pure fiction and what is real. It always turned me on reading these articles and wishing that it was me. I never really expected us to get to this stage, my wife always seem quite straight when it came to our sex life, but over time she has really began to see the positive effects and is now actively encouraging this. I'm not sure where it will lead in the future, but that is part of the excitement.

Personally I am loving it. It seems strange for me to say that considering I am no longer having sex, but I am more fulfilled and almost go into cyber space when I have satisfied my wife - her happiness is paramount. We are more tactile with each other and it has definitely made us more sexually active. We are both sexually charged all the time, we used to find that we used to have sex and then for a couple of days after we were not that close, but now we just want to cuddle each other all the time.

In answer to your question LadiesMan, I find that for the first week of being locked up I do get frustrated, but after that time mentally I accept that I am probably going to be locked up for some time and it just becomes the norm. It all depends on how much you are teased (either physically or mentally), for example last night she asked if I would like to see her in just her thigh length boots and lacy underwear, by which time I could feel something straining between my legs!!

Sorry it's been so long since my last post - we have been away in London.

Not much to report really, my wife unlocked me on the 25th July which was exactly 40 days. To be honest, sex was not that good that night as I was a bit quick off the mark, but I made up for it the next day with a longer session.

We came back from London at the weekend, and I am now back in chastity. Today is day 3, so not really craving sex yet. It is my wife's birthday this coming Saturday and she said that she has a surprise for me. Not sure what it could be, but she has a grin on her face!

was wondering CB-Man!! :o)   glad to hear, and that's rather kinky of the wife to do *exactly* 40 days....  i like it :o)

Well, what a weekend. As I mentioned on my last post, my wife gave me a present on her birthday on Saturday - a pinny!

But not just any pinny, she has had it personalised so that in large pink print on the front it says 'Louise's Housemaid - Locked and ready to obey'. I was a bit taken aback, but always open to suggestions, she wanted me to wear just the pinny with nothing on underneath while I cleaned the house. This I did on Saturday morning. It is just short enough that my privates just show hanging out at the bottom. I must admit I did find it quite a turn-on especially when I was cleaning the bath and she was behind me rubbing my genitals with her hand.

I am now a day 7 and it is normally about a week before her touching me sends my legs to jelly. She has told me that she never wants to hear me mention the device or draw attention to it - if she touches me I am not to pull away especially when she is tweaking my nipples, as far as she is concerned this is the norm now and I should deal with it.

I know this all sounds a bit harsh, but honestly this is only a very small sacrifice compared to how our relationship has changed. Without sex on the agenda we are a lot more relaxed with each other, we talk for hours, and are more loving towards each other that ever. In fact I'm not sure what is happening to me; I seem to have lost any macho-ism that I had and we are like a couple of giggling girls. I have been washing her while she is having a bath, straightening her hair, going on shopping trips where I am more than happy to spend ages in womens clothing shops helping her choose new clothes, carrying her bags (including her asking me to carry her handbag all the time we were shopping), and looking through clothing catalogues together.

I love being in chastity, and I feel undressed if I am not locked up - I would not change this feeling for the world. 

Hi everyone, and i just thought after reading this i would just say amazing post, and much respect to you CB-Man, i always in the back of my mind loved the idea of this, a few months ago i was personally depressed where my sex life was going, and recently my wife and i have come to open out more into these idea, and that’s how i come across LH.

Since reading posts on here i see things in a very different light, i have always put my wife first, including standing down from my 9 year job for her to start a life working while i become a house hubby, but this seems the ultimate offering.

As said i just wanted to thank you all for such a wonderful post and very enlighten view to this.

Hi m3nf

I would love to give up my job and stay at home, but my earnings are such that we cannot afford for me not to work.

You mention that things have changed for you over the last few months - what have you been doing to become more open with each other?

Are you interested in exploring chastity? If so, are you going to purchase a device to experiment with?

I don't know the figures, but in my experience men tend to have a higher sex drive than women. That is why you are always hearing women say 'all I want is a cuddle, but you always want more'. It comes back to the thing of men and women being built differently; men want sex, women want love.

I used to masturbate lots and always felt guilty afterwards. I knew that I always felt cold towards her and she must have picked up on this. This is what is the 'thrill of the chaste', you learn to respect each other more and not for your own self-gratification. To care more about the other persons feelings and needs over your own.

The CB3000 is good as a starter device to experiment, but as you may of read from my earlier posts, not the most comfortable for long periods and can restrict your movements. I would suggest maybe trying for say, one weekend and see how you both like it (if it makes you feel happier why don't you both keep a key). As for the urge to masturbate, you must be doing this because you want to, and have the willpower not to play with yourself. When you are comfortable with the device on every weekend, ask her to have both keys on the understanding that she unlocks you as requested on Sunday night. The following weekend perhaps say to her that if she is not happy with how the weekend has gone she can add days on up to a maximum of one week, but that is on the condition that if you have done something that she does not like, you have one opportunity to put it right else the time will be added. You will soon see how that adds spice to your sex life!

 Further to what has already been said, my experience is that a lot of women will avoid cuddling in order to avoid sex, and as a result of that, the male sex drive rises exponentially.  My experience is that with lots and lots and lots of non-sexual cuddling and other touching, the male sex drive loses a lot of its urgency to the point where going without sex becomes hugely easier.

I have found that one of the common effects of male chastity devices within relationships is that there tends to be a whole lot more non-sexual cuddling and other touching which means that the constant urgent need for sex which used to lead to masturbation just isn't there anymore.  I mean, the desire for sex is still there, it just isn't so all-consuming.

My kvetch used to masturbate for over an hour every single night.  Since I've had control over his orgasms, he hardly ever thinks about masturbation because we do so much touching and cuddling that he finds that those needs are met.  Practically any man you ask who is in chastity within a successful relationship will tell you that he and his partner spend a lot more time touching than they used to and that thoughts of masturbation are much less frequent as a result.  As CB-Man has said, he himself is surprised at how much his outlook towards sex and masturbation has changed even after only a few days in his device.

So you can feel reassured that being locked in a chastity device within your relationship is likely to lead to less desire to masturbate without you even noticing it.  :)

Your experiences may turn out to be different, but that's my experience, anyhow.  :)

Ooh, more interestingness. I have another question, don't think it's been answered. To anyone with experience of this - does being locked in the device give you a feeling of security? Is it kind of comforting?

I'm fascinated by all the psychological stuff that I wouldn't have thought of when considering chastityness.

evey wrote:

Ooh, more interestingness. I have another question, don't think it's been answered. To anyone with experience of this - does being locked in the device give you a feeling of security? Is it kind of comforting?

I'm fascinated by all the psychological stuff that I wouldn't have thought of when considering chastityness.

Kvetch says that he does experience some comfort and security, in that even if he wanted to become erect, he can't, so any pressure he might feel to perform is lifted.

This feeling is offset by feelings of vulnerability, because of the way I like to have him on show, and those feelings of vulnerability include both pleasurable excitement and a kind of fearful discomfort.

I just read him what I've written and kvetch has approved this message as accurate for him.  :)

Thanks both CB-Man and Lubyanka for your feedback, its really great to be able to speak openly about this and thats does help a huge amount. My personal feelings the last month since the open talks with my wife have indeed lead to many more quiet romantic evenings, we kind of set days that are allocated for sex if she wants it, and days that are no sex no matter what either of us want. This has lead us to LH and the new side of our relasionship and its great to be this open with my wife now, that we both have enjoy the increase sexual activites between us.

This really has helpd us both, and yes i be honest has cut back the times i tend to please myself, due to having these days of knowing things will not happen but we have found we tend to cuddle and talks so much more.

CB-Man i like the idea of both keys, it would help me adjust to the way things could possible be, and maybe give me that needed leep of faith to stand forward. Just from your post thou that as much as i try to think about it, a month is a long time, i do fully understand what both you and Lubyanka say that sex becomes less and the intermit site shows more, but its a month loll, and that seems at my current stage a long time.

Not saying its not possible as there has been times where we have gone this long, but i did need to self pleasure, and not being able to do this would be a hard step.

Again many thanks you two for such a remarkable post, that has really opened my eyes.

evey wrote:

Ooh, more interestingness. I have another question, don't think it's been answered. To anyone with experience of this - does being locked in the device give you a feeling of security? Is it kind of comforting?

I'm fascinated by all the psychological stuff that I wouldn't have thought of when considering chastityness.

As Lubyanka says on behalf on Kvetch, I do find it comforting with a feeling of vulnerability. It is a constant reminder of the commitment I have made, with the pleasurable feeling of being at the mercy of my wife. I have become almost a 'toy' for her to play with as she wishes which is very powerful psychologically.

What she likes about this is that it is easy for her to have this power as there can be as much or as little intervention from her as she wants. If she wants nothing to do with sex for a couple of days, what can I do about it? On the other hand, if she wants an orgasm, I am always ready to give her foreplay for as long as she wants, and give her the orgasm she wants either oraly or manually. There is no pressure of intercourse after her orgasm, and she can just roll over and fall asleep in my arms.

Hi m3nf

Why do you think that you need to locked up for a month? Many couples use chastity on a much shorter time scale, just an evening/day/weekend/week etc. It is what works for you. When we first started it was just for a day or two at a time and it took ages before we built it up to what it is now.

Chastity does not need to be long term!

I guess it more of the worry it could be a month or even more lol, my wife could have a bad time, but like you have said the idea of keys each would stop this worry, and why i feel more towards opening this as a option to try with. :)

CB-Man wrote:

Hi m3nf

Why do you think that you need to locked up for a month? Many couples use chastity on a much shorter time scale, just an evening/day/weekend/week etc. It is what works for you. When we first started it was just for a day or two at a time and it took ages before we built it up to what it is now.

Chastity does not need to be long term!

m3nf wrote:

I guess it more of the worry it could be a month or even more lol, my wife could have a bad time, but like you have said the idea of keys each would stop this worry, and why i feel more towards opening this as a option to try with. :)

The other option we have used is not to use the lock, and use a small plastic cable tie instead. This then makes you think twice before cutting it off.

m3nf wrote:

[...] the open talks with my wife have indeed lead to many more quiet romantic evenings, [...] and yes i be honest has cut back the times i tend to please myself, due to having these days of knowing things will not happen but we have found we tend to cuddle and talks so much more.

[...] as much as i try to think about it, a month is a long time, i do fully understand what both you and Lubyanka say that sex becomes less and the intermit site shows more, but its a month loll, and that seems at my current stage a long time.

CB-Man wrote:

Hi m3nf

Why do you think that you need to locked up for a month? Many couples use chastity on a much shorter time scale, just an evening/day/weekend/week etc. It is what works for you. When we first started it was just for a day or two at a time and it took ages before we built it up to what it is now.

Chastity does not need to be long term!

m3nf wrote:

I guess it more of the worry it could be a month or even more lol, my wife could have a bad time, but like you have said the idea of keys each would stop this worry, and why i feel more towards opening this as a option to try with. :)

I don't understand this - if you and your wife agree together that she'll lock you up for 4 hours, 6 hours, 2.147 hours, or 3 minutes, or 1 and a half days, why would your wife break her word, betray your trust, and keep you locked up for some different time frame contrary to your agreement?  How likely is it that your wife would do that, realistically?  Is this a fantasy, or a realistic concern based on your experience with her?

If you are worrying about being kept locked up for longer than the time you have consented to, then talk to your wife about it.  I mean, if your main fear is that she will ignore what you agree together, transgress what you agree together, or transgress your consent, then I really think you might be better off putting chastity to one side for the time being and dealing with the trust issues.

I don't know where you got that month duration from, because as far as I know, there certainly isn't any "standard" time to be locked up, and if there were, I don't know why you thought that would be a month.

Talk to your wife.  :)

Have none of you considered the potentially massive long term  heath implications?

A much increased risk of prostate cancer being the main nasty.

It's now known that men who don't regularly ejaculate ( at least 2-3 times per week) especially once they reach their 40's, have exponentially increased risk of developing serious prostate conditions - if nothing else puts you off about it, surely that does?

My father-in-law is 3 years into treatment for his prostate cancer - he has been widowed since the age of 55 and the consultant asked him about his ejaculations, to which he replied ( my hubby was with him) he hadn't ejaculated in years.

It's obviously down to individual choice, but why risk your health for the sake of a "different" sex life?

I'm not even going to voice my opinions on the deep psychological issues surrounding the subject , it would no doubt get me banned permanently. 

Suffice to say I don't feel that it's in any way a healthy lifestyle, long term at least.

Lady Lara wrote:

Have none of you considered the potentially massive long term  heath implications?

A much increased risk of prostate cancer being the main nasty.

It's now known that men who don't regularly ejaculate ( at least 2-3 times per week) especially once they reach their 40's, have exponentially increased risk of developing serious prostate conditions - if nothing else puts you off about it, surely that does? [...]

Suffice to say I don't feel that it's in any way a healthy lifestyle, long term at least.

Lady Lara, actually, I have spent months doing and documenting my extensive and meticulously thorough research into the health implications, as you will see because I wrote all about it here:

http://ladylubyanka.wordpress.com/prostate-milking/

Please take a look there before making any further judgements on our choices.

I will also observe to you that my research has shown that some of the information you have is incomplete and inaccurate, your personal experiences with prostate cancer notwithstanding.

Prostate cancer is a virus, and catching it is unrelated to frequency of prostate evacuation.  I have asked urologists, and every one of them has said that there is no conclusive evidence of any harm whatsoever from restricting prostate evacuation in the human male.  Kvetch's prostate evacuates itself regularly when he defecates, some men have nocturnal emissions, and some men just wait until they are allowed to orgasm, and none of them die or have health problems that the urologists I have asked know about, so please be aware that chastity does not by definition equal murder by prostate.

Please check out my extremely extensive prostate resource and then come back here and tell me I'm being careless with my partner's health.

http://ladylubyanka.wordpress.com/prostate-milking/

Honestly, Lady Lara, I'm sorry to say that your disrespectful outbursts are really beginning to try my patience.  I am asking you to please recognise your personal issues, and to please refrain from blaming us for whatever personal issues you have.  Whatever your problems are, we didn't create them, and we don't deserve your anger.  It's unfair and disrespectful of you to behave otherwise, and this occasion for me was my very last straw.  I'm sorry you weren't able to respond to my earlier advice on this topic.

Right now, I've had enough of you.

Lubyanka wrote:

I don't understand this - if you and your wife agree together that she'll lock you up for 4 hours, 6 hours, 2.147 hours, or 3 minutes, or 1 and a half days, why would your wife break her word, betray your trust, and keep you locked up for some different time frame contrary to your agreement?  How likely is it that your wife would do that, realistically?  Is this a fantasy, or a realistic concern based on your experience with her?

I see your point but i guess i been looking at it as more of a choice from myside, so my wife would have control from day one, i wish for my wife to stop any concerns she may have that sex is a huge issue, and that its more of a smaller issue, thus offering the option to head this way, so that from day one i would offer her the keys and not for me to have a set. I guess i am more of a in the deep end guy that will follow though no matter what, i like to start things that i know i will always back up, and hence the concerns for me personally.

I love the idea of  us both having keys so that it becomes a join venture for us both, but my personal goal would be for my wife to take control of when we have sex, and only when she would like it so that we can enjoy the other activaties more, Not saying we don't at the current stage but that is only because of our 2 day talk we had. Hope this help to see my reasons more.

If you are worrying about being kept locked up for longer than the time you have consented to, then talk to your wife about it.  I mean, if your main fear is that she will ignore what you agree together, transgress what you agree together, or transgress your consent, then I really think you might be better off putting chastity to one side for the time being and dealing with the trust issues.

I trust my wife 100% but as above i see this as a head in deep and not work up to what CB-man has worked upto. I know now that moving this fast could now cause more issues for us, and would need to slowly enter into this together more than me just handing the keys over and saying goodbye to sex until she would like it.

I don't know where you got that month duration from, because as far as I know, there certainly isn't any "standard" time to be locked up, and if there were, I don't know why you thought that would be a month.

Talk to your wife.  :)

As for times, i do understand that there is no fixed time i or anyone would be ocked up for, know the past for me personally there have been times that we have gone without sex for over a month due to my wifes reason, which i have no issues with, she means the world to me, but being locked up for a month with no self pleasure as well is not one i would like, but is one i would do if i took this on fully head on. My basic problem was i planned to jump before i can walk lol.

Let's move on shall we?