• Man toys....I need help

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    Kohitsuji [sign in to see picture]
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    I had an in-depth conversation with my hubby about if he would like to try a stroker. In the end, he doesn't seem interested. I know I should respect his opinion, but I think he would enjoy it because most of the toys I buy on here seem to be for my pleasure only and I don't like it. I had this image that I should blindfold him and put that stroker to use, but it kinda seemed mean and naughty to me. Anyone have suggestions on how to introduce something like this to a spouse/fiance/boyfriend?

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    MissChar [sign in to see picture]
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    I considered getting my man a stroker too even though he was really not keen on the idea. I don't think you should tie him up and surprise him. I know my man would absolutely hate that... And would think its not respecting of him. Just like I wouldn't like it if I didn't want to use toys and he tied me up and used a dildo on me... I've just decided to leave him alone. If he wants to try he can get one or talk to me about it, and we do still talk about toys and sex things a lot, but it's up to him. I wouldn't wanna be constantly pressured into using toys so I don't do it to him.

    probably not much help but just my experience and thoughts! :)

    1380115941
    Kohitsuji [sign in to see picture]
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    MissChar wrote:

    I considered getting my man a stroker too even though he was really not keen on the idea. I don't think you should tie him up and surprise him. I know my man would absolutely hate that... And would think its not respecting of him. Just like I wouldn't like it if I didn't want to use toys and he tied me up and used a dildo on me... I've just decided to leave him alone. If he wants to try he can get one or talk to me about it, and we do still talk about toys and sex things a lot, but it's up to him. I wouldn't wanna be constantly pressured into using toys so I don't do it to him.

    probably not much help but just my experience and thoughts! :)

    Yeah that helped and I agree. I don't pressure him about it. Once he said no to it, I never brought it up again.

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    MissChar [sign in to see picture]
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    But (slightly more helpful perhaps?) if I was to try get him to use toys I'd just buy him a stroker, show it to him and let him decide if he wants to use it either solo or he can pick it out to be used on him during a session.. :)

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    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    Myself and my OH are in a long distance relationship so we only see each other twice yearly. I suggested a fleshlight for him, and he wasn't keen on it at all. He said they looked weird ect. So when he went back home I sent him one. Figured I'd send him one, he'd feel obliged to test it and then he can make up his mind on if he wants to use it or not.

    He does now use it and says he prefers it a lot.

    xx

    1380116328
    Kohitsuji [sign in to see picture]
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    FrozenAngel wrote:

    Myself and my OH are in a long distance relationship so we only see each other twice yearly. I suggested a fleshlight for him, and he wasn't keen on it at all. He said they looked weird ect. So when he went back home I sent him one. Figured I'd send him one, he'd feel obliged to test it and then he can make up his mind on if he wants to use it or not.

    He does now use it and says he prefers it a lot.

    xx

    I might do something like that. Our one year wedding anniversary is this Saturday, but I'm working unfortunately. Thought I try to make it up to him on my three day offs next week...

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    jeffngloria [sign in to see picture]
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    personally id be delighted if my OH bought bme a stroker ,even happier if she used it on me ,but i know its never going to happen : ( ,dont get me wrong she loves to play with the toys i have bought her but she just isnt as sexually pro active as me, id say buy one and just get it out during foreplay hes hardly going to resist ,but thats just my opinion

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    Mr Gooner [sign in to see picture]
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    Im a little put off with the whole male toys thing.

    I dont know if its a male "Im a bloke, i dont need toys when i have the real thing" type of scenario.

    I funnily enough mentioned this to my OH and said for a women its more openly accepted that if a woman said she had a dildo/vibrator to another woman then nothing would be thought of it.

    However if i went to the pub with my mates and said i use a stroker or a fleshlight, i would be laughed out the pub. I know i wouldnt probably say anything. But i suppose im just shy, embarrassed about the thought of using something like that.

    But im new to this all in way so maybe in time i will be more open to try them.....who knows.

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    jeffngloria [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr Gooner wrote:

    Im a little put off with the whole male toys thing.

    I dont know if its a male "Im a bloke, i dont need toys when i have the real thing" type of scenario.

    I funnily enough mentioned this to my OH and said for a women its more openly accepted that if a woman said she had a dildo/vibrator to another woman then nothing would be thought of it.

    However if i went to the pub with my mates and said i use a stroker or a fleshlight, i would be laughed out the pub. I know i wouldnt probably say anything. But i suppose im just shy, embarrassed about the thought of using something like that.

    But im new to this all in way so maybe in time i will be more open to try them.....who knows.

    ye top shout mr gooner have to agree with that too

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with Mr Gooner. I still think there is more of a stereotype that males using sex toys is funny and sad. Telling friends would get them laughed at and mocked forever so if they do have toys, its almost a shameful secret rather than "Wehey I am having fun here" The stereotype gets worse for males using anal toys. Then their sexuality is thrown into question for good measure! :S

    Of course, not all people are judgemental like that, but a guy who has grown up with any amount of typical guy teasing has reservations about what using a sex toy means. Ive head some outright stupd things in my time..."Fleshlights are for lonely old men" "Butt plugs? Erghhh GAY" seriously, these things come out of peoples mouths surprisingly often. Womens toys have pushed through that and now its a liberation to admit you take control of your own pleasure and own sex toys. Not quite there yet for men I feel.

    Anyway, my guy was exactly the same. When I very first brought up the topic of male strokers he kinda did a nervous smirk/giggle and said that he finds the idea a little bit weird and he doesnt think he could use them, it would feel "Wrong" but I did sense that there was a curiosity there, but that he daren't admit it, almost as though he felt he would be walking into a trap....Wanna try a Flshlight? Okay...EWWWW YOUR GROSS....kinda trap. We talked about it some more, I owned a box of toys and the idea of trying something on him was a turn on for me, eventually he relented and I bought him a fleshlight. Since that day he has not looked back. I review sex toys, and when I asked if he would be open to testing males toys he snapped at the chance. He now has his own box of strokers and anal toys and I think he is secretely quite proud of his collection! (I see how he puts them all in the box, all tidy and neat lol) He still cannot quite shake the shame feeling of his friends finding out and he would never tell them outright. Ironically, I know one of his friends uses sex toys too but he made me promise not to tell anyone! PMSL.....see how it is for males?

    I would suggest talking more and telling him that the idea of using toys on him is a big turn on for you and why you would like it. Tell him you could start small at first, to see if he likes it without wasting a lot of money. At the end of the day, if it is still a no, then it is a no. I wouldnt surprise him with it, unless you get some hint that he is curious or mayyybe interested but a bit unsure. That could royally piss someone off if you surprised them with something that was a hard limit, a definite no.

    Don't expect it to be all smooth sailing at first either...my guy was so nervous and embarrassed about the idea of using his first toy that he couldnt....use it.

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    fii509 [sign in to see picture]
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    I am exactly with you http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/members/kohitsuji/. All our toy box is really for me. However, although my OH said no to something for himself, he did concede that I could get something to use on him, rather than for him to use himself. Just have to now decide what to add to my basket

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    StHubbins [sign in to see picture]
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    I like toys, but there is no way that I would tell any male friends in the pub. Don't think they would think it was gay, but men just don't talk about sex. Which is why we hang out on here :-)

    1380126453
    Kohitsuji [sign in to see picture]
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    I do get the hint that he is curious and it does turn me on to use something besides my hand to masturbate him.

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    Mr Gooner [sign in to see picture]
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    I think if my oh had got me something for the purpose of say her using it on me then yeah i think i would be more open to using it.

    Fluffbags is bang on with her comments. I think there is a massive stigma when it comes to males using certain toys.

    1380127946
    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    I wouldn't talk about my sex life with mates, which is part of the reason I come here, but personally, I wouldn't mind if my oh bought something I said I didn't want, but I'll try anything once, especially blindfolded/ restrained

    only you know your oh, so if you think he would throw a wobbler, then don't bother, otherwise why not...

    1380128282
    Lovehoney - Bonny [sign in to see picture]
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    I would recommend maybe trying a vibrating cock ring that will bring both of you pleasure and get him used to using a sex toy. Also you could try the Doc Johnson Good Head Blow Job Storker this is shorter than other strokers so may be less intimidating. It could be a good way to introduce a stroker that is versatile in use so that he can get used to the different sensation it will give him.

    1380130451
    Kohitsuji [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Bonny wrote:

    I would recommend maybe trying a vibrating cock ring that will bring both of you pleasure and get him used to using a sex toy. Also you could try the http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25801 this is shorter than other strokers so may be less intimidating. It could be a good way to introduce a stroker that is versatile in use so that he can get used to the different sensation it will give him.

    Thank you LH- Bonny. I'll try that. Someone recommended the tenga eggs, but I was iffy on those.

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Although I'm quite happy with lots of toys - butt plugs, strapons, cock rings, chastity cages, etc I had a bit of a downer on the masturbator type toys. I guess this was influenced by the way Fleshlights come with moulded lips and sphincters which I feel is tacky. I wonder if your OH has something of the same objection.

    Anyway, by way of an experiment my wife bought one of the LH strokers to use on me - this one to be exact:-

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22079 (currently deal of the day I see)

    The totally non-anatomical nature of the thing rather overcomes my core reservation and I have to say the sensation is interestingly different to anything else - too intense to cum easily from but capable of keeping me extremely aroused for ages.

    Perfect, I reckon, for a bit of restrained & blindfolded T&D which seems pretty much what you seem to be suggesting but also fun as a foreplay toy.

    I don't see anything wrong with your acquiring one and saying you would find it exciting to use it on him and see what he says. I suspect once he has had his, er, toe in the water, he might be quite happy you took the initiative.

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    LetsTryThis [sign in to see picture]
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    I can't remember how I got my OH 'into' strokers (lol), I *think* I just bought one (a TENGA 3D that was non-anatomical) and presented it to him, in a "doesn't this feel amazing, I can't wait to use this on you" kinda way. (Not in a 'I'm forcing this on you' kinda way). I don't think he would use them on his own (without my encouragement - I know he has used them when I've texted him instructions when he's been home alone); and to be honest I think if he wants a wank (by himself or off me) then he prefers no toy; but as part of foreplay and building up to penetrative sex he enjoys them. I guess it comes down to why you want him to use one. If it just because the toys you own are 'yours' and you want him to have 'his' then you may have to accept that he just doesn't care for them. If you want to use them on him, if you haven't already suggested this, he may be more open to it?

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