• Vibrator use when married. How often is OK?

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    Sexpert Rebecca Dakin [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Sarahkitty, he's intimidated by you using your vibrator, and is taking it as a perosnal insult to his bedroom performance.

    It's all very well people saying it increases your sex drive but for someone feeling insecure he's going to be thinking all sorts of things - that you might go out and cheat on him once your sex drive has gone through the roof with using your vibro!

    Have you thought about saying to him that you fantastize about him when using it, and imagine he's inside you?

    You mention you prefer using it alone and with this being the case he probably senses that (if you haven't outright told him?) so he will be more wary of it.

    Of course it's ok to masturbate once a day, twice a day for women - hell whenever you're in the mood, but be mindful if he's uncomfortable with it, try to be a bit more discreet, and build his comfort levels with it, by genuinely enjoying/using it during your play time too.

    If he feels part of your enjoyment with it when you are together, i.e you let him use it (even if he doesn't quite hit the spot like when you use it yourself) then he will start to feel more comfortable with it.

    Maybe he needs some more praise and encouragement with his bedroom skills, or maybe some guidance. He feels he's losing you to your vibrator right now, bless him. He needs to know that he is still important and still satisfying you, and if he's not satisfying you, show and guide him how to, then he won't feel so insecure when you use your vibrator alone.

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    Sexpert Rebecca Dakin [sign in to see picture]
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    How about using a toy for both of you? E.g: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22771

    Also with your vibrator, show how you can use it on him... the vibrations will send him wild too! Lube up or give him oral sex, whilst using the tip of your vibrator on his tip, perenium and around his balls, and anus hole to create sensations for him too. And if he's into anal fun, you can pop it in there too if the area is fully lubed and he's relaxed and up for it.

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    Mr & Mrs Sauce. [sign in to see picture]
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    Perhaps I'm slightly odd, but I find the thought of Mrs Sauce using a vibrator or dildo whilst I'm out a huge turn on. I positively try to encourage it, especially if she's going to tell me about it!

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    i quite agree the thought of her home alone playing whlst i'm out is cool ii text her to see wht she's doing it's so horny

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    Catastrophic [sign in to see picture]
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    Valeyard wrote:

    Put it this way.. Would he reject your advances 5 or so times a week if you didn't have your toy?* if not, I can see how he's feeling shortchanged, I mean did you do anything to at least make sure it wasn't very one-sided? were you trying to sleep while he was on his phone on a sex video cos you'd fucked the same motor he was connecting 9v batteries to in Technology lessons in school?

    If so and you find him fucking another woman, I would suggest you should let him do that until a blowjob robot is invented, hey at least she's investing the effort (You're not)

    *If yes ignore rest of post

    Having sex with another woman is completely different. The situation would be more comparable to him using a fleshlight or similar. Masturbation can go side by side with a healthy sex life, it's not a zero sum game.

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    Theolain [sign in to see picture]
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    I would love my wife to use a vibrator all the time... but she really has a low sex drive and doesnt masturbate much at all

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    laurawalker [sign in to see picture]
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    i dont think there is any problem using it when ever you feel the urge, i can understand why he wouldnt be particularly happy as alot of guys think they are being replaced by the toy.

    you should feel guilty about using it, my OH doesnt particularly like my toys but he knows its just something he has to put up with, give and take on both sides. x

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    laurawalker wrote:

    i dont think there is any problem using it when ever you feel the urge, i can understand why he wouldnt be particularly happy as alot of guys think they are being replaced by the toy.

    you should feel guilty about using it, my OH doesnt particularly like my toys but he knows its just something he has to put up with, give and take on both sides. x

    Sarahkitty, LauraWalker,

    From a totally liberated hetro, take its benefits as often as you need them. I'm not sure about a spectator sport though as I have always "applied", if that's the right word, the toy. This lets my OH concentrate on enjoying the toy's merits to a maximum.

    Guys, if they want a healthly work out be obliging help the lady get the very best from her toys that why she has them for after all.

    LauraWalker, ? should "should feel guilty" read "shouldn't feel guilty"

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    bb1137 [sign in to see picture]
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    use it as much as you like, i love using toys on my partner during are love making. but i love watching her use them on her self.

    some men just need to relax and watch their partners/wifes enjoy them selfs, because they will be wanting more :)

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    there is a strange dynamic on these threads, a woman is justified in having issues with her partner masturbating (there have been several lately) but a man should just accept his woman doing it as natural, or is that just me miss reading things.

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    Naughtybutnice12 [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    there is a strange dynamic on these threads, a woman is justified in having issues with her partner masturbating (there have been several lately) but a man should just accept his woman doing it as natural, or is that just me miss reading things.

    I don't have a problem with my OH masturbating at all, it's completely natural and no-one should feel ashamed or intimidated by it

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    easy_tiger [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes me and my wife use it together, she loves me using it on her

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    easy_tiger [sign in to see picture]
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    God yes sexy jayne we love it we can play for hours

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    easy_tiger [sign in to see picture]
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    No we can't either but you know what i mane its lots of fun he he

    sexy jayne wrote:

    i cant last for hours at the best of times lol

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    Ork wrote:

    gunther wrote:

    there is a strange dynamic on these threads, a woman is justified in having issues with her partner masturbating (there have been several lately) but a man should just accept his woman doing it as natural, or is that just me miss reading things.

    I didn't want to be the guy to say it but welcome to being a guy lol, there is no such thing as "equality" lol. Though in saying that people on here are not exactly the average folk hence we are all more open minded etc. Where as the average folk in a relationship will have these issues for varying reasons.

    The problem is chicks tend to gather together like teenagers to agree and hate on us poor men folk lol.Where as we care little also a lot of people won't want to say exactly what they want to, as not to up set people. But women with these issues alway's seem to see wanking as OMFG he is so cheating on me which isn't really the case. (well it may be but wanking isn't the cheating part!)

    As for women well if the guy get's up set because she's doing it it play's in to the average guy's incredible fear of not being good enough etc or in general the guy is like wtf? I mean if you don't tell him your using a sex toy what do you want his reaction to be? You need to introduce these things some guy's are more insecure than they would ever admit.

    But to cut all that short people are over dramatic and I assume for the most part there is other issues that people don't want to admit, so the sex toy or wanking whatever get's used as ammo. This being entirely just my observations on people though and obviously won't appy to everyone. And yes i'm aware of the sweeping and generalising statement's I made, they are just examples, based on my observations, as I said so please don't take offense.

    In the limit i have never heard of masturbation by a partner as grounds for divorce...there are more important issues in life

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    morefun [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    there is a strange dynamic on these threads, a woman is justified in having issues with her partner masturbating (there have been several lately) but a man should just accept his woman doing it as natural, or is that just me miss reading things.

    I think the issue is when the partner is DIY'ing but neglecting their other half...........

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    margiemoo [sign in to see picture]
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    use it as much as you like i think it adds to the fun xx

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    RFW 3872 [sign in to see picture]
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    As often as you like,and use it on his penis too,he might like it.

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    McGlovin [sign in to see picture]
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    We've had a few vibrators and I love using it with the wife. We don't use it all the time and sometimes it is part of sex and sometimes it is the sex, all depends on the mood.

    I wouldn't say there is a right or wrong to how often you should use one, surely it is up to you.

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Hella wrote:

    Sorry, not true. There is no evidence that a vibrator will desensitise a woman's intimate areas. She may however become accustomed to a certain type of stimulation and therefore find it not as satisfying. Using a vibrator won't have much effect on how she experiences oral sex, the stimulations are completely different.

    Perhaps I should point out that absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. Have there been any properly conducted studies on the matter?

    It is well established that men can suffer a loss of sensitivity from heavy-handed masturbation which renders them unable to orgasm from normal sex. Given the remarkable commonality of much of the mechanics of the male and female orgasm I would need some explanation as to why the female orgasm cannot be affected in a similar way.

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