• Mixed feelings

    1335197096
    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1082
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Hi

    This is my first post here. Today I received my 2nd order from the site but I'm now experiencing a crisis of faith. The thing is, I'm in my 20s but have never had a sexual experience with a guy. My situation is unlikely to change in the near future because I don't get the chance to meet guys very often and they're just not interested anyway.

    A few months ago it got to the point where I started to resent the fact that I was missing out on everything sexually so much that I found this site and bought the basic bullet vibrator in the hopes of finding out. I figured that would give me experience of a sort and make me feel better if nothing else, possibly also give me a clue about whether I wanted to try other vibrators in the future. So I got it and gave it a go. It's pleasurable but never leaves me satisfied, but then I don't know what sexual satisfaction is supposed to feel like anyway...

    I logged onto the site the other day on a whim because I was wondering if maybe I needed something besides the bullet. Discovering the 3 for £10 offer, II then bought the lustfinger because it seemed like the next step, plus accessories such as batteries. But afterwards I had doubts. I feel like I'm just trying to make myself feel better for my sexual/romantic failings but I also feel shame and guilt. Should I just accept my perpetual singledom and return the order or embrace my sexuality and keep them? Very confused!

    1335198323
    kinkycop [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 444
    • Joined: 28 Nov 2009

    go for it hun, I am single, and had fun with my toys you could try a rabbit....?

    1335198819
    gooqq [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 32
    • Joined: 8 Mar 2012

    It's certainly nothing to feel shame and guilt about.

    Wanting to embrace your sexuality is completely normal, and there is a massive range of toys available on this website along with a wealth of experience to help guide you.

    Explore your body, find out what you like and what you don't.

    I also wouldn't worry about not having had any sexual encounters at 20. I was 21 before I had my first, also didn't find myself in many opportunities to meet people and definitely wasn't pushing myself to find them. It will happen :)

    1335198981
    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 201
    • Joined: 15 Apr 2008

    Embrace your sexuality and keep them. Using sex toys and your relationship status aren't connected.

    Exploring your sexuality by yourself is something everyone should do and is nothing you should feel guilty or ashamed about. I don't want to make too many suggestions because i know nothing of your life, but it sounds to me like you need a confidence boost. Confidence is a huge turn on, so being happy in your own skin is important. Exploring your sexuality will help you (trust me, it helped me alot).

    Also, you need to relax. You can over think an orgasm which will lead to it not being great or not happening at all. Just focus on finding what feels good not the "end result" so to speak.

    1335201006
    Lady.Gasm.X [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 469
    • Joined: 31 Jan 2012

    Feeling guilty and ashamed is very common among people who are inexperienced in sex and/or religious people. Masturbation is a tough subject and it is not common to hear girls openly talking about it, which suggests that it is a 'forbidden' subject. But lets face it, we all have needs!

    If you feel ready to explore your body and your sexuality, then go for it! There's nobody holding you back apart from yourself. And if you feel you are just doing it because it's the 'normal' thing or what everyone else seems to be doing, then it's a real shame that you feel you have to fit in.

    It is your body, your mind, just take life as it comes babe and do things in your own way at your own pace. You are your own woman so don't feel like a sheep, you are an individual and that's great! My friends think i'm wierd because I don't go out drinking every weekend with them and prefer to sit at home with a cuppa. But I would never dream of just going out to be like them, I am happy doing my own thing.

    Also, if you do feel ready to explore your sexuality or toys etc. take things slowly and explore your body first. You will never know what toys you want until you know satisfies you, because what is right for one person is not for another. Relax, don't feel pressurised or rushed.

    Good luck xxx

    1335202280
    badgirlbites [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 46
    • Joined: 2 Apr 2012

    have you ever heard the term your body is your temple???

    in life we do things because we have to, we work in a crappy job because we need money to pay bills, we are nice to arsehole customers because we need said job

    we behave in a set way because we have to we have no choice

    but your body is your temple, its yours to explore and worship. you set the rules, you set the pace and you can chose if and when it has visitors lol

    NEVER feel guilty about using or even not using toys. would you have sex with a guy just because someone told you to, no you wouldnt so dont force yourself to use toys because you feel like you have to

    you should only have a sexual experience of any kind be it masturbating, oral or full sex if and when it feels right for you.

    most of my friends are actually male and trust me when i say a lot and i mean a lot of the guys i know would rather wait for a girl, they find it more apealing than have a girl spread for them the first night, if a guy doesnt work for it, he doesnt always apreciate it, or course there are plenty of exeptions but is it worth risking such a gift unless you know your for sure its going somewhere

    alot of my friends lots their virginity to soon, then they met a really nice guy they actually cared about and regreted that desision alot of girls carry that mistake with them all their lives i myself regret losing my virginity when and with who i did. but thats a mistake you can never correct

    be proud you still have that babes and i promise you guys will not look at your innocents as a negative, any good guy will embrase it and want to take care of you and give you the best experiance they can

    untill that time be honest with yourself and only every do what you feel is right regardless of what that may be xxxx

    good luck baby xxxx

    1335202628
    Lady.Gasm.X [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 469
    • Joined: 31 Jan 2012

    badgirlbites wrote:

    have you ever heard the term your body is your temple???

    in life we do things because we have to, we work in a crappy job because we need money to pay bills, we are nice to arsehole customers because we need said job

    we behave in a set way because we have to we have no choice

    but your body is your temple, its yours to explore and worship. you set the rules, you set the pace and you can chose if and when it has visitors lol

    NEVER feel guilty about using or even not using toys. would you have sex with a guy just because someone told you to, no you wouldnt so dont force yourself to use toys because you feel like you have to

    you should only have a sexual experience of any kind be it masturbating, oral or full sex if and when it feels right for you.

    most of my friends are actually male and trust me when i say a lot and i mean a lot of the guys i know would rather wait for a girl, they find it more apealing than have a girl spread for them the first night, if a guy doesnt work for it, he doesnt always apreciate it, or course there are plenty of exeptions but is it worth risking such a gift unless you know your for sure its going somewhere

    alot of my friends lots their virginity to soon, then they met a really nice guy they actually cared about and regreted that desision alot of girls carry that mistake with them all their lives i myself regret losing my virginity when and with who i did. but thats a mistake you can never correct

    be proud you still have that babes and i promise you guys will not look at your innocents as a negative, any good guy will embrase it and want to take care of you and give you the best experiance they can

    untill that time be honest with yourself and only every do what you feel is right regardless of what that may be xxxx

    good luck baby xxxx

    I regret loosing mine when I did :(

    1335202859
    badgirlbites [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 46
    • Joined: 2 Apr 2012

    ladygasm, unfotunatly babes a lot of us girls do. we can only hope we can help others learn from our mistakes xxx

    1335205407

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3046
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2012

    badgirlbites wrote:

    ladygasm, unfotunatly babes a lot of us girls do. we can only hope we can help others learn from our mistakes xxx

    Not only ladies bad girl, but i dont know if i regret having sex with my first as much as being involved at all.

    1335206207
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2341
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    Hello Cat lady,

    I can understand your feeling, because I have been in very similar situation in the past. I have been virgin until almost 23. I only started to use toys about year and half ago (I am about to turn 26 in few months). Nothing to worry about. If the guy really cares, he will not mind, trust me. Some guys even like the fact that the woman is not so experienced. makes them feel more special, so to say.

    I find nothing wrong with trying to explor your sexuality. On the contrary. You get more used to your body and it helps you to understand it better. Although in my experience there is huge difference between my touch and someone elses touch, the other is more intense. Yet, if I know what I like, it makes the guy really happy. Also if you know what you like, it may make the first time bit easier.

    As for not feeling that satisfactory. Do not worry. I did not orgasm the first time I tried, nor the second, or third. Some girls can orgasm easily, others cannot. I orgasmed eventually. And it felt really good. The thing is, that the more I play with myself and the better I know my body, the better actually my enjoyment gets! So just enjoy, maybe have some fantasies and relax.

    If you want to talk, you can add me as a friend and I can talk to you.

    1335206578
    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1082
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Thank you all for your comments. I feel much better now. Somehow I had got the idea that it was weird to buy a couple of toys when I'm not even close to a relationship...I'll keep experimenting, hopefully the lustfinger will be as good as and even better than the basic bullet. I don't think I'm anywhere near brave enough for a rabbit as yet, especially since my body isn't used to such things.

    1335206762

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3046
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2012

    Cat Lady wrote:

    Thank you all for your comments. I feel much better now. Somehow I had got the idea that it was weird to buy a couple of toys when I'm not even close to a relationship...I'll keep experimenting, hopefully the lustfinger will be as good as and even better than the basic bullet. I don't think I'm anywhere near brave enough for a rabbit as yet, especially since my body isn't used to such things.

    lol i dont know what love honey do for turn over in a year but i think its fair to say lots of people single and attached are buying toys

    1335224105
    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1082
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    I tried the lustfinger, I liked it externally after a few minutes of experimentation, but I decided to try it internally and barely started to ease it in before it hurt so I gave up at once. I used lubricant but wondering if I needed more or if that's solely due to lack of sexual experience? That wasn't a pleasant experience.

    1335224583
    gooqq [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 32
    • Joined: 8 Mar 2012

    You can never use enough lube. If you're inexperienced take your time, there's no rush. Take things slowly and gently, and lube lube lube.

    If you've not experimented before then you need to get used to how things feel, how to insert toys and how to derive maximum pleasure - it'll take time but will be an enjoyable ride.

    And again, there is never too much lube.

    1335225236
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 643
    • Joined: 14 Jan 2009

    No a relationship is not necessary to 'justify' or legitimise the use of sex toys alone.

    Do you use tamponns at all? Try practicing contracting and and relaxing your PC muscles so that you can consciously relax them when you wish to and try different types of lubeas one does not suit everyone.

    1335226258
    DareDevil [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 14
    • Joined: 15 Dec 2006

    Hey Cat Lady

    You’ve had loads of great reply posts here but I just had to post as my heart just went out to you when I read about your mixed feelings.

    I was in a very similar situation not so long ago and felt very like you did. I didn’t lose my virginity till I was 30, yes 30. At that age I was so old that when I finally lost it, I think my sperm didn’t know where to go, like old people let out of their care home for a day trip!

    When I was 26 I found lovehoney and started ordering a few male masturbators. I enjoyed using them but always felt guilty afterward. There was a nagging thought in the back of mind that somehow my doing that was proof of what a saddo I was.‘God how pathetic I’m a virgin in my mid 20’s and humping some plastic.’

    But in the end i concluded that me wanking wasn’t the barrier to getting a lady. I was going around asking anything that moved out on a date every day and night anyway, Sex toys were just a nice treat I did after coming home from getting knocked back again in the nightclub.

    So whether you enjoy sex toys or not its not related at all to your relationship status.

    Whatever you do, two thoughts come to mind

    Enjoy yourself! Its later than you think

    and as the Ozzies say ‘We are here for a good time, not for a long time’

    All the best

    1335247637
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2341
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    Cat Lady wrote:

    I tried the lustfinger, I liked it externally after a few minutes of experimentation, but I decided to try it internally and barely started to ease it in before it hurt so I gave up at once. I used lubricant but wondering if I needed more or if that's solely due to lack of sexual experience? That wasn't a pleasant experience.

    When I was virgin, I had the same problem, even when trying to use tampoons. Sometimes the hymen can be bit more.. stiff which means it does not yield so easily. My advice would be use lube and start with 1 finger and then 2. Get used to having something inside you.

    Pelvic floor muscle exercise can also help, as you can relax yourself before trying.

    1335254588
    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1236
    • Joined: 26 Mar 2010

    Hiya Cat Lady!

    I was in a similar situation. I was in a long distance relationship where I was a virgin till I was just turning 22! My partner and I thought it would be a good experience to use toys until the real thing. Like you, I chose the lustfinger first and I did find it uncomfortable too. I think it has to do with how our internal erm "shape" is like... I usually like softer and more flexible dildos and I pay attention closely to how wide they are!

    Something like starting off with this double ended dildo- http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=4667 may be suitable. You could start off with the smaller end and then "progress" onto the medium-small side. It's shaped quite nicely too. Only issue I had with this was that I didn't like how hard it was. Unfortunately, there isn't much of a range for the smaller end of the spectrum- toy wise.

    I'd also suggest this cheap and cheerful love egg for clitoral stimulation. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=9670 Team this with any internal toy and you're onto a winner. However it still is a case of trying new things. I'm not a big fan of the rabbit myself but some people swear by it.

    Good luck and have fun exploring and experimenting. Don't feel rushed and go at your pace as how everyone else has advised. I don't regret how my sexual experiences panned out. I actually feel incredibly lucky. Let us know how you get on. =]

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.