• doing it wrong?

    1467308177
    AlishaY [sign in to see picture]
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    I just bought my first vibrator. I spent 5-10 mins trying it out but it didn't really do anything for me. I tried turning it around to see if it was better from a different angle but it just didn't turn me on. I got bored very quickly.

    Am I doing something wrong or is there something wrong with me? I've never been turned on by sex either and I've had a healthy number of partners. Again, I just lie there feeling bored till they're done. The only thing that works for me is masturbation which I love but even then I don't orgasm.

    1467308418
    PandaAdore [sign in to see picture]
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    My advice is find out what turns you on mentally and go from there. Are you thinking of anything in particular when you masturbate? You're not going to get far physically if your head isn't in the game with you. Good luck! X

    1467309032
    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
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    I struggle to orgasm too, I have toys that definitely work well for me but my head can easily block my orgasm and that's really frustrating!

    If I'm alone then I like to watch porn or read stories on Literotica and I don't touch myself until I'm super horny and then 9/10 I will pick a toy but sometimes just use my hand knowing that I'm so wet and ready to cum that my mind has done most of the work before my body has to.

    What toy have you bought? - can you post the link to it?

    I find that unless the toy is powerful enough then I can't orgasm with it anyway xx

    1467309105
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    You haven't really said enough to go on, but it sounds like you don't engage with your partners, is this just when you are with men , or are you the same with women.

    Are you just getting guys who use you like a blowup doll, is there any foreplay, any physical or emotional affection, do they try to make you feel special, wanted needed in other ways, or is it all just about sex.

    Have you done much exploring of your own body, your own thoughts, do you fantasize about any one, or any sexual act.

    Do you feel that sex is something you shouldn't enjoy, or is it just that you are happy without it.

    1467311759
    AlishaY [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the replies.

    PandaAdore I'm usually thinking how much I'm enjoying the physical sensations but wishing I could actually orgasm.

    Gem276 I'm sorry you struggle too but it is a relief to know it's not just me. I like to read stories on the laptop but I sit on the floor to use the laptop and I was worried about the vibrations going through the floor to the flat below so I used the vibrator in bed.

    It's this one http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=24785

    alone4ever I have more fun with women, it's always been more mutual with women but the men all used me as a blow up doll yes. No foreplay, affection or love. The people I fall in love with never want a relationship with me. I've never got into a relationship with someone I wasn't atracted to but the attraction fades very quickly.

    I have done some exploring but I don't like putting my fingers inside myself because I'm a bit funny about having dirty hands. I've thought about disposable gloves but that just seems weird, even for me. I do fantasise about people but it tends to be romantic conversations, not sex.

    I don't know about sex being something I shouldn't enjoy but I was brought up to believe masturbation was disgusting and wrong... but I loved it, right from a child. My parents used to hit me whenever they caught me but I never stopped, I just got better at not being caught. They said I should only have sex with men (and only men) I loved but that's not really realistic nowadays. So maybe there's something going on in my head that stops me from enjoying sex.

    I don't know if I'm happy without sex or not. I don't miss the blow up doll treatment. I've given up on romance because it never happens and it seems much less complicated to make my own fun but the sessions always end in disappointment.

    1467313163
    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
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    That toy would never make me achieve an orgasm I'm afraid. Personally I would recommend http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22189, http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32674 or as an investment piece http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28657. I would use whatever you need to to turn yourself on (reading/ porn/ fantasising about scenarios) and then just really take your time! Even with the toys it can still take me ages! Just trust that they will work and carry on until you're on the brink of orgasm and allow your head to fantasise about whoever or whatever that does it for you!

    Knowing that your child masturbates can feel uncomfortable as a parent but in no way shape or form does that make it wrong, the fact remains that it feels nice.

    Im sorry that you have had such terrible experiences with men, you have obviously not met the right person yet. Call me old fashioned but I believe that if you hold back a bit sexually (if you're looking for a relationship) and really get to know a person then you can work out whether they are worth trusting them with your body too, in my experience caring people make better lovers. I might add that this advice isn't what I have always followed either but my experience has also taught me this.

    1467315343
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Masturbation! you were repeatedly punished for masturbating, caught in the act; so even now in the back of your head somewhere your inner child is wispering, I'm going to get caught; I belive that is playing a big role in your life, even now, and even without you consiously realising it.

    You say you worry about the vibrations going down to the flat below; you may be transfering your thoughts of being caught onto your down stairs flat owners, effectivly putting your mind back home with parents down stairs who may come and punish you at any moment; no wonder you struggle.

    But keep trying if it helps, wait until you are sure the flat below is empty, but ultimatly, you need to try masurbating when you are sure they are in, and do it every where in your flat. Explore your romantic fantacies more, and slowly sprinkle in something sexual, like a touch or a kiss somewhere you know you like it. Live inside the fantacy while you masturbate, don't just think of it as words, bring it to life, with touch and smell, and sounds. You will be surprised what your mind can create for you, if you let yourself be there.

    Buy some anti bacterial hand wash, and try to trust it, rub it on and leave it for a minute then rinse it off, tell yourself my hands are now clean. ( the vagina seems for the most part to cope with a naked penis, and god knows some men aren't exactly house trained, ) so your own lovely clean fingers will be just perfect.

    I know just what it's like being used for sex, but as Gem says, when you are ready to try again; make him wait, if it's you he trully wants he will wait. But have a good think if you would be better off with a woman, but the same rule applies, women are getting more like men. Trust in your own worth, as my friend Mamz would say, and don't give up, lots of frogs to talk to, just don't kiss the little B*****s until they turn into a prince, or princess.

    Romance may never happen if you diviy up the goods too soon, think more like you are looking for a dam good pair of shoes, to go on a long long walk with. If they don't feel comfy you bin them and try on another pair, right? But it's time I tried on a lot more shoes, and followed my own advice. So good luck to us both.

    1467329340
    AlishaY [sign in to see picture]
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    I just tried using it as a clitoral stimulator... oh my goodness!

    I don't know if I achieved orgasm but it was really good. Usually every movement I make is a conscious effort, a decision, but this was more like a reaction that seemed to happen on its own. I think that's more like what it should be?

    Gem276 and alone4ever I tried tanfasising like you both suggested, I pretended it was an actor I like, have to say he was the best I've ever had by far which is probably sad in a way but at least I had a good time. I imagined him saying stuff too, I didn't mean to, it just kind of happened

    I've been trying to get to know people first but the trouble is I go off them before we reach the sex stage. I haven't even been on a date for about 5 years, I don't want to lead anyone on. I would definitely consider a girlfriend. I have only ever had one and she definitely wasn't a princess but I had more fun with her than with the men.

    Thanks for all the encouragment, it's the first time I've ever had a proper conversation about this. Here's to some happy 'shoe-shopping'!

    1467331561
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Any time you want to talk more about this I will no doubt be around. Others may add more too.

    Maybe you should seek out female dates, I could be wrong, but you do seem to be more that way, and just met the wrong kind of woman, and knew in your heart they were wrong for you, thats why you went off them. when you know you have the right one, your heart will be on fire for them.

    It's nothing you have been doing wrong; in fact quite the opposite, you just didn't understand what was going on and blamed yourself. Now you do have fun shoe shopping.

    Love Alicia. x

    1467337832
    AlishaY [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't know how to meet women but I wrote a thread in off-topic so maybe I'll get some ideas. I would say that 80% of the people I'm attracted to are female but I only ever fall in love with men - but when I say fall in love, I mean I fall in love at first sight from afar.

    Thanks, I will try to have fun. I've got my new toy if nothing else.

    Is your name pronounced the same way as mine? Aleesha?

    1467340483
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I know it's confusing being bi-sexual, and lord knows often gay people don't like the fluidity of bi's, they are scared you will jump ship, as do straight people. For some reason people associate bi as being sinonomous with cheater, which is no more true than for a partner of the opposite sex, and straight.

    You seem to be much like me in that you find one sexually attractive and the other emotionally so, from afar or other wise is still love. I think you should try to examine your feelings a little more, and try friendships Bex gave you great advice, so it's how comfortable you feel coming out, women tend to be more accepting of differing sexualities, but it's not to say you won't find a woman being a bitch over it.

    Follow Bex's advice, about the wrist bands, and make friends first, and see what happens. But I always feel love is the way to go, so as I say think first, and just do the friends thing and follow your instincts. It isn't easy out there but people do find love.

    Being bi makes it so much harder especially if you are swinging from one branch of each tree, and don't really know which one is going to take all your weight, on it's own. It's going to be either choose and settle for what you feel is the best for you; or gve both a fair chance, and see who wins your heart. Because in the end thats what You seem to want, but you have given up on it.

    Be careful with your heart, you only get one, and scars that run too deep can take a very long time to heal. Going for love would be my choice, just sex is so empty, in the long run, unless thats all you want. Be so so sure that you are on the same page with any one before pinning your heart to the relationship; and yet don't take for ever to ask the questions that will show you where the other person is in there life.

    Take care take your time, but not enough to get them to give up on you, be honest with them how you see it going, just give it a little time, before you get to the serious stuff, and above all don't try to make something out of someone that isn't really there. if it isn't working it doesn't matter how much they turn you on, or make your heart leap, or how hot they are, move on, Know what is good for you, and stick to it.

    My name is 'Al i sea a" no "sh" in it. Alicia.

    1467930221
    AlishaY [sign in to see picture]
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    Lots of people misspell my name as Alicia (among other things), but I've never known an Alicia who pronounces it like that. They're either Al i sea or A-liss-ya.

    A lot of people seem to think that bis are twice as likely to cheat because there are theoretically twice as many people we could cheat with. There are more to choose from in theory but that doesn't necessarily mean a larger number of people we find attractive - or even if it does, it doesn't mean we're more likely to cheat. People who cheat are people who can't resist temptation, not people who have more temptations. It's like when people think gay men fancy all men.

    I'm struggling a bit with the toy. I'm getting the constant urge to play with it and it's so hard to resist but it doesn't satisfy me. It just gets me more frustrated. Sometimes all I can think about is that toy. I hate this feeling.

    1467931898
    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
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    Can you buy a different one? LH RULES will mean you can return this one as it doesn't do anything for you xx

    1467932746
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Try to enjoy the sensations, and not focus on the big "O" the more you try and fail the worse you are going to feel. Enjoy the journey and let the destination come of it's own accord.

    It's a lot of reading but may be this thread may strike a chord with you.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/1421440-overcoming-performance-issues/

    Try a different toy if you feel like it, and I honestly hope that works for you.

    1467978014
    Talia [sign in to see picture]
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    AlishaY wrote:

    ...

    I'm struggling a bit with the toy. I'm getting the constant urge to play with it and it's so hard to resist but it doesn't satisfy me. It just gets me more frustrated. ....

    That's most probably the toy's fault. I don't have it myself, but I had another of the really cheap LH toys and sent it back immediately, it was so awful. Unfortunately, in most cases you do get what you pay for, and really good sex toys are expensive.

    You might want to search the forum (and elsewhere) for "rumbly" vibrations, they generally feel better than the buzzing ones of cheap small toys (a certain size is needed to accommodate a powerful motor and at least two AAA batteries - I haven't yet met a single toy with fewer/smaller batteries that had really strong vibrations). In many cases rechargeable toys are more powerful than battery-operated ones, but that's not always guaranteed.

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