• Is there a stigma associated with men using sex toys?

    1426622975
    Tussilago [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 45
    • Joined: 30 Apr 2012

    I think there's definitely a "pervert" connotation to male sex toy use, while it's almost expected for women to at least have some shitty vibe or dildo. The view of anal play as emasculating can probably also play a big role in her behaviour. Talk it out, you shouldn't have to be judged for something she herself enjoys.

    1426623258
    HisLilMissy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 37
    • Joined: 20 Apr 2014

    Hot Dog wrote:

    I have said to hell with it, and enjoy myself anyway. The orgasms are amazing! But I don't think it's doing great things for our sexual connection! Makes me a bit sad thinking it through and writing it out. Help! :(

    I think that there is too much taboo around men and sex. I mean, men do ANYTHING sexual and it's automatically pervy. Women do anything sexual and it's automatically sexy as hell. Ugh. As a woman, I love watching my man handle his... tools. He is the only one who knows EXACTLY what he likes, and I can learn how to better please him from watching him.

    As far as her saying you are pervy for doing it but loving them when y'all have sex, that is so hypocritcal! Maybe dig deeper as to why she thinks that way? Ask questions? Ask if she would like to use toys on you. I can't imagine being so hypocritical without some meaning for it! Especially if it was taking a toll on my relationship.

    1426626170
    flaneur [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 571
    • Joined: 23 Apr 2013

    There is a stigma. I've even witnessed people trying to justify women using toys while posting less than complimentary comments about men using them. But there are a lot of people now who either don't care and don't have a problem with either sex using them.

    The source of the problem in most cases is ignorance, anal sex and homosexuality were much more taboo 20 years ago. People will eventually figure out that they are only denying themselves more sexual pleasure with their closed mind and their ego.

    1427658689
    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 717
    • Joined: 9 Aug 2010

    I think there is but who cares!! My OH has toys and to be honest the only person that knows apart from him is me!

    We use them together and to be honest, I wish we played with them more than we do!

    1427659083
    Sarah_Bow [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 155
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2014

    Sex toys enhance both sexes lives. So why not?

    If my partner used sex toys I'd actually find it a bit of a turn on. I don't think their should be any stigma with males using sex toys. At least they would have a better idea when it came to womens toys haha !! - that would be such a bonus.

    1427659942
    kinkyman [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 705
    • Joined: 9 Feb 2015

    I've got a collection of toys ....I've used by myself or with partners .....i have no issue with using them ....any man who feels it might perceive them as less masculine couldn't be more wrong , toys are for both sexes . Although some people still have the idea that sex toys are a womans thing only ....seems some think if a man uses them it makes him a pervert but if a woman does , she's open about experimental sex .....If using toys for my gratification makes me a perv , then I'm happy being classed perverted !! ;-)

    1427661133
    GlamRockChick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 501
    • Joined: 24 May 2012

    Sad how there seems to be a double standard. My hubby was very reluctant to try any male toys as he thought I'd not like it. He still won't try any anal toys but loves his strokers and Fleshlight and will now let me use a vibe around his bum so we're getting there. It took ages for him to let me watch him using his toys but I love it and find it a real turn on!

    1427661225
    ilikepussy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 256
    • Joined: 24 May 2012

    Hi kinkyman

    Thank you, I agree with you

    Cheers

    1427661674
    kinkyman [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 705
    • Joined: 9 Feb 2015

    Hi ilikepussy
    Nice to know its not just me then lol

    1427665584
    Jjh101 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 19 Feb 2015

    Yes there is a stigma but there really shouldnt be.

    Men can be just as pleasured by using anal toys as women, more in fact as use of them stimulates the prostrate.

    It seems to be percieved as gay by some but god knows why - my OH has always been into anal but never said he wanted toys used on him because of this ridiculous streotyped idea - he loves the fact that im well happy for us both to use them and is relieved he can finally say what he wants.

    As for your wife, maybe show her some of these answers? (Depends on if she knows you use this forum though, I appreciate you could find that a no-no) Reassure her that it's no way an indication that you are gay and that you find her using them so sexy that you want to experience the same pleasure. She may feel better if she is "boss" for the night and uses them on you .

    Best of Luck, hope she does start to understand - talk to her, nothing ventured nothing gained !

    1427747948

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 323
    • Joined: 10 Oct 2009

    Hmmm, topic drifting to my marraid sex life! Ha. Well anyway, a lot of comments on this so ill reply!... A lot here about communicating. You're all right. But my wife isn't very good at the communicating thing. (I swear she's the man in this marriage sometimes! ) I directly ask if she has a problem with it. Says no. Then if I pursue the questioning I get told I'm obsessed with sex! :( Need another angle...! Just need to carry on with the difficult conversations. I guess. It's important.

    Don't think I should show my wife these comments, she might take offence, then I'll be going backwards! Ha. Even though I think all comments on this have been great. Insightful and really helpful. Thanks all! And would probably cut to the chase, after a big row that is. Ha.

    On my original stigma question. Overwhelmingly the consensus is yes! But now I know this I am not sure what to do with this information I have to admit. Maybe for the rest of the week I'll start randomly talking to anybody and everybody about how good sex toys are! Ok maybe not.

    1427796753
    Jjh101 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 19 Feb 2015

    Ha ha, yes a campaign to remove the stigma attached to anal toys for men ... do we all march together and wave our butt plugs proudly in the air ?! Pmsl.

    Love the idea of you just goin off and talkin to anyone about the benefits of sex toys YEP that would sure raise awareness but you might get some odd reactions in Tescos or the queue for the post office !

    Yea i did think showing yr wife these comments could be a bit of a naff idea - but different people respond to different things and i couldnt think of anything better... soz.

    Best of luck, hope you do sort it .

    1427797992
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5925
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    IMO the market is changing and so are peoples attitiudes probably at a slower pace though.

    There are now an every increasing number of toys designed for couples .

    I enjoy my Mrs using the Tracey Cox Silver Bullet on me and the vibrating cock ring makes lovemaking far more intense. So they do get a thumbs up from me.

    As a relative new comer to toys ( My Love Honey account was only activated about a year ago) , I think the problem has always been the small ratio of mens toys to those designed for women .

    Another factor from a guys point of view is that it isn't macho to discuss your favourite cock ring with your mates over a pint. Where as ladies can get away with a chat and giggle over their favourite toys in a similar scenario .

    Just my views.

    1427886484
    Sassygal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 10
    • Joined: 17 Nov 2014

    Thank you for this thread! My partner & I thought we were the only ones to think there is a huge attitude difference to sex toys for men & women.
    I remember the old ann summers parties that were women only (come on!) because women were so uncomfortable discussing sex around men. This wasn't the truth though...
    Men are happy wankers!!!! Socially it is very accepted that men masturbate... All the time! But there is a stigma that they may want more than a sock or a pile of tissues to do so.
    Is the feeling that men have porn... What more do they want???
    Sex toys for women are often about sexual exploration - which is great as too many gals still put up with crap non-satisfying sex lives. But surely there is more fun to be had if men can embrace toys as part of a healthy sex life earlier rather than later?
    My partner is waiting very patiently for them to bring out a vibrating flip hole masturbator - which hopefully won't be long now. Too many male toys are hard to clean, bit of a faff to use (my partner is disabled so this is key for him) and just a little unpleasant on the looks front. Women get far more cool shapes & innovation!!!
    Bring on the new age of male sex toys...& a vibrato ring renga flip hope ASAP!

    1427894821

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 323
    • Joined: 10 Oct 2009

    Good point on the social acceptance of men being happy wankers as you put it sassygal. (I like the term, and will find some context to use it in day to day life!)

    So the problem is going from using hand and porn to using toys...?! Seems so.

    There is soooo little for men. For example, there are a million vibrators available to women. I feel like there are zero vibrators for men, to be used on penis anyway. And very little for butt plugs. Women have play ball things, and remotes, and rather spectacular gyrating, rotating and vibrating tongue toys, and all sorts. Guys have non of this. So I am left with using a vibraotor that has been designed to vibrate a women's clitoris, because that is what it's designed for, on my my penis, for which it is not designed. Same for bright pink clearly girl marketed butt plugs.

    I say this knowing there are probably guy equivalents, in terms of the colour and stuff. But literally 99% is targeted to women.


    Another example, i don't want to be graphic, but i love my balls being gently pulled and tugged while masturbating. I reckon most guys would (based on nothing else other then it feels so good why wouldn't they?! Ha). Where's the toy for that?


    And then there is the cost. I feel like there are again, a million relatively cheap vibrators for women, doing all sorts of tricks. Yet seemingly all guys toys cost a fortune. And I suppose it may be said that the guys stuff costs more to manufacture. Maybe. But I would argue not. For example the rabbits are cheap these days and it would cost way more to make a rabbit vibrator then a flashlight for example. Yet these masturbators are expansive! Top end toys in anybody's books I would say.

    I have thought in the past that the high cost of men's toys is due to it being a more niche market, because as we say it is not socially accepted and so not many men using them, but so then I feel like the industry is targeting and exploiting men you can say, on price. In the same way that the first rabbit vibrator for women probably cost a fortune. I.e. For the few guys using toys and knowing how good they feel, they will pay out more money.

    And have had the same thought sassygal on the vibrating masturbator. I bet all guys who have used them have. It's an entirely logical extension of the masturbators, and I imagine easy to make, one that vibrates. Don't know why it doesn't exist. But on the price thing, you can bet your bottom dollar when it does, it will cost well over £60, probably closer to £100!

    Urghhhh.

    Ok rant over. It clearly bugs me!

    1427894883

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 323
    • Joined: 10 Oct 2009

    Oh wow...! I didn't realise how long ny that was until I posted sorry. You all probably only got one paragraph into it. Oh well.

    1427899795
    Sassygal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 10
    • Joined: 17 Nov 2014

    Hot dog - I read it all!!
    LH could put together a male focused thread/ group from the LH community to put a wish list for new male toys! It sounds like you have loads of great ideas Hot Dog - maybe time for a career change to a male sex toy developer!!!
    And ps. So glad you liked being called a happy wanker!! ;)

    1427901717

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 323
    • Joined: 10 Oct 2009

    Ahh you did sassygal?? That's great. I do have ideas. Just selfishly don't want to give them (or the royalties!) away (I'll put them alongside my ideas for phone app's and niche shop ideas!).

    But seriously, more work is needed in the men's toys department.

    The problem with men is that by and large they do t chat about this stuff in here, for whatever reason. And most probably arent seeking the communal support group that you get from here. A quick poll here and any given moment may show 10 to 1 ratio of women to men posting comments. Maybe 20 to 1. (Unless it's horny chit chat, then the guys jump in! Ha.) So it's difficult to generate that discussion with guys. And as soon as the thread moves down the pile of current postings it quickly gets lost!

    1427985376
    ash_b [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 2 Apr 2015

    For us, toys are a way of complementing a great sex life, and you can fantasise about being with someone else, without the risks that can entail. I see it as more pleasure for my other half, which is the main priority. I do feel the more time I spend on lovehoney, the more likely I am to order something she can use on me ;)

    The more important point is, if we can be open about it, it means we have a very strong relationship.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.