• Husband needs help keeping it up

    1421859590
    Louise1981 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 25
    • Joined: 2 Oct 2012

    Hi.

    Hopefully someone here can help somehow .

    So my husband can't keep an erection , he was prescribed anti depression meds as pain relief a few years back . He quickly stopped using them after noticing he couldn't orgasm , by the 3rd/4th different types of anti depression meds he then lost all sexual feeling in his penis . By that I mean he can't tell if its erect while inside me , he can't tell if and when he is going to climax so he isnt able to verbally communicate Inc moan/groan in pleasure .

    We've tried cialis daily , cialis 20mg thats slow release ,a few pumps with the bulb for manual suction .He has tried gels and creams along with natural things like watermelon juice , cock/ball rings dont do much but restrict and cause pain around the testicle area . Prostate toys aren't help keeping him up as suggested by someone somewhere

    Is there any toy he should try that maybe overlooking?

    Its getting to the point where he just doesn't want to go through all the rigmarole he wont listen that its ok when it happens that he can take a break and start again after its hard . He thinks he isnt able to satisfy me properly any more . I know its not his fault it happens he gets really moody if it happens too much in one session or he can't get it back up .

    1421860325
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2825
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    It is a common thing to happen with anti depressants. What has the doctor said?

    1421860500
    Sarahgee [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 739
    • Joined: 16 Jun 2014

    A you can really do is reassure him that you are happy to do other things when be loses his errection. What does the doctor say about it? Are these effects permanent? I had the female equivelant of this problem when i was on citalopram. I couldnt climax at all and really stuggled to even get wet.But i went back to normal a couple months after taking myself off the meds i was back to normal. Is he still taking the pills?

    1421861279
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 941
    • Joined: 4 Jul 2012

    I can't really help in terms of advice on his erectile issues, other than as the others have said keep talking to the doctor. Lots of men must have this issue either from meds, stress etc. So there must be more than one solution i would have thought.

    I just wondered what other things you did during sex, nothing like being totally nosy and to the point ;) can he satisfy you with toys, fingers, oral etc? I know this doesn't help in terms of him achieving his own orgasm. But maybe if he can see that you are having good orgasms regardless of penetration maybe it will help him relax a bit. Possibly stressing out the issue will just make things worse.

    Again I know this bit won't help with the actual physical feelings, but when he is hard but can;t necessarily feel it could you tell him? You know in a sexy way. If you were on top navigating the way, maybe you could encourage him that he feels good, that's he's making you feel so amazing etc Thinking once again that it might give him a good vibe if he knows you are enjoying it.

    Does he get pleasure from any other sexual things? That you could maybe focus on for a while to ease of on the penetration side of things? For example blowjobs, he can watch so has some visual elements to enjoy, plus he would be able to see if he was hard, so maybe it would link up body and mind a bit.

    Hope he is back on track soon x

    1421863595
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2825
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2014

    A toy to use on his own might help, particularly a tenga flip hole as they can be used when flaccid or a vibrator which can also be used when flaccid, gives him a chance to work at it on his own without the pressure of oerforming and nay relax him about sex which will help with the ED and the vibrator may find some sensation that sex can't giving him a little feeling back

    1421865188
    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2250
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2012

    Is he still using the meds? That is a bigger problem to address than toys. I am assuming he was prescribed them for some form of chronic pain? Has he tried any other prescription medicines for whatever pain he has? He definitely needs to switch if he is still on these meds as the side effects are clearly outweighing the benefits, there are plenty of other pain specific meds available to investigate to try to find one which doesn't have such a devestating impact on his life.

    Could it be a symptom of his condition rather than the meds? Have you looked into that at all?

    If he is no longer taking the meds, disregard all that :p

    Other than that the only things to do are go to the doctor (yes embarrassing but he needs to address these physical symptoms, be they a side effect of medication or a health concern in their own right they are serious and a good doctor will treat them seriously) and ease off all the pressue. If he's getting frustrated, don't say you can stop and start again when he is hard. Just say you can stop, that you're satisfied and have a cuddle. The idea about getting him a toy to masturbate with can help him get back into getting hard with no pressure to perform, though could further upset him if he can't feel it. There's not much to do about his moodiness other than be patient and accepting. It's hard but it's obviously the only way he can deal with the emotions caused. All being well this is a temporary thing, or at least you will find a good way to deal with it, so just keep that smile up for his sake :)

    1421873596
    MrPink [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 223
    • Joined: 26 Jan 2011

    It's a problem more men have than you might think, including myself. As we age, we can't keep it up for so long or without attention as we used to do in our youth, and if you add illness and medication for illness on top of that it's a miracle any of us can get it up!

    I'm approaching 60 and have had intermittent ED problems since we had our children (first one when I Was 52!) and then I developed a bladder problem and some associated 'plumbing difficulties'. Right now I can get it up to masturbate, but only accasionally do I get it up hard enough and for long enough to f**k.

    For me, getting Mrs P. to orgasm is way more important than my own orgasm, so I've been experimenting with strap-on devices of various sizes and have found one which is the same length and girth as my own penis. On the few occasions I've managed to use it with my wife, it's given her a terrific ride and thundering orgasm(s), which I found deeply satisfying for me. Trouble is, my wife doesn't really like the idea of a 'fake' willy, which is a great shame as I'm 100% hsppy to do her with that and then deal with myself however I can (or she can, if she's feeling helpful).

    You certainly need to discuss your priorities and see what you can do that you will both enjoy. I'm enjoying a less penetrative style of sex and would use the strap-on more if I could persuade the Mrs to overcome her reservations. we do fingers and tongues, which work reasonably well, but I feel the strap gives the best result, providing my wife is ready to accept it.

    The one thing to do is to avoid any sort of recriminations - that's a recipe for continuing difficulties. If you can always find a way forward that involves new experiments, it's far better than just sulking at each other, even when most of the experiments don't work all that well for one or both of you.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.