• Too much too soon?

    1406190089
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok so I was showing hubby my new flogger, paddle and crops last night. These are our first proper bondage hitty things.
    He didn't seem interested at all.
    Messed about with it a bit, but completely wasn't interested.
    I dunno if it was genuinely because he wasn't interested or because he was tired. He does get up at 5:30 everyday and work from 7-5 so I guess he was tired but it upset me a bit.
    So we didn't even have sex because he didn't make a move and neither did I because I was pissed off!
    And I was wearing 1/4 cup bra and my crotchless knickers!!!
    Men!!!!!
    So I guess I wasted my money there coz they're probably going to sit in the wardrobe.

    1406190892

    [suspended user]

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    Hmm he was probably just tired hun, men a!

    Have you tryied talking to him about it? Maybe he has something on his mind?

    Also do you usually uses spanking items? If not maybe his not to sure about them yet? If not maybe his just not into that sort of stuff?

    Xx :)

    1406191368
    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    Did you speak to him at all before getting them PA? If it's not something he's used to, maybe he's not in to it.

    I had troubles with my OH and this kind of thing because well he was brought up 'You don't hit a woman' so it was something he was warey of doing. He's fine with it now. He has read a lot of erotica recently and it's opened him up to trying more things.

    1406191424
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Well no these are our first. He keeps smacking me with his hand and we did talk about getting them.
    I didn't get a chance to talk. He was up at 5:30 and is at work now.
    He gets home at 5:30 same time I have to go to work so I won't get to talk to him later either. :/
    Guess I'll just leave them in the wardrobe an see if he ever gets them out?

    1406191572
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Did you tell your Husband you were considering buying some bondage type goodies? Maybe he is a bit surprised and doesn't know what to do with them. Sit down and have a conversation about everything, and see how he feels about it. It sounds as though he may have been tired too, which would not have been the best time to start practising with any type of flogger or paddle as you do need a huge element of control with these toys, especially if you are new to them. Also, he may be scared of hurting you.

    Don’t be too upset, just have a chat with him outside of the bedroom and get his thoughts on everything. If you both decide to give it a go, just make sure you set the time aside when he is fully awake and take it from there.

    Good luck Hun xx

    1406192942
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    FrozenAngel wrote:

    Did you speak to him at all before getting them PA? If it's not something he's used to, maybe he's not in to it.

    I had troubles with my OH and this kind of thing because well he was brought up 'You don't hit a woman' so it was something he was warey of doing. He's fine with it now. He has read a lot of erotica recently and it's opened him up to trying more things.

    My OH was the same, I just explained that I liked it and left it there, now he's doing stuff without me asking, still won't choke me but he loves adding a little pain as dominance, I asked and he doesn't want any spanking stuff so leave it there lol

    PA you know him better than us but sounds like he was tired, did he seem interested when you spoke about getting them? My OH was nackered today, first day of work after holiday, and even though we got loads of goodies and he seemed excited about them we didn't have sex, which was a little disappointing but I was nackered too. We get our grey hard restraints kit today which is exciting :D

    just try again when he seems more energetic, it'll be fine x

    1406192956
    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    My advice would be to write him a note explaining how you feel. Why you bought them, as you have explained here already, and why his reaction/non reaction upset you. Also mention you understand about his work pattern leaving him tired, which is why you decided to write so he can read and respond in his own time.

    Hope this works and the toys soon are back out spicing things up!

    1406193853
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys.
    Hard restraints kit has arrived and looks fun
    I hope he wants to play at the weekend.
    Thing I will say is about the tired part is I work Thursday, Friday, and Saturday 6pm-10pm and he still expects me to have sex if he wants it which isn't till almost 11pm!!
    I don't know if either of us is into spanking. I wanted to try it.
    Hand does nothing for me and I wondered if something else would.
    I love my little flogger though, it's so sweet and soft.

    1406193919
    snapper [sign in to see picture]
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    PA

    my wife and I had often joked about spanking , but in all honesty I had no real interest !

    I say "had "

    Then she did as you did , she had a parcel delivered from love honey with a selection of toys in !

    I was scared as I had no real idea what to do never having done anything like that before so was in need of a push from her tomake me bite the bullet and try it !

    it maybe that your partner has not idea what to do or how to do it, I know I still dont real know what I'm doing

    if you think about it theres a lot to learn with spanking your partner!

    He may just be a bit nervous or he maybe terrified !

    A journey into the unkown is a terrifing thing ! if they get it wrong who know what the side effects can be !

    The only real advice I could give would be to talk him through it, but dont tell him what to do just tell him what you'd like ! how it would make you feel , and as a bribe what you going to to if they get it right

    1406194061
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't either tbh snapper.
    But yeah thanks for the mans insight. I can imagine that's how he felt. And the smacking a woman part too.
    Push come to shove they will make nice props for photos lol!!

    1406194223
    Dota [sign in to see picture]
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    Umm similar thing here with my oh. He's not in to it. I'm a bit upset too, but i'm planning not to bug him all the time with those paddles and floggers. Its been now a good 2 weeks since we have beginners bondage kit with paddle. We both enjoyed bondage, but i really liked the sensations when he spanked me. So i wont insist on me spanking him, but i do tell him how i loved this on me and it worked.
    I think dont put him under pressure insisting on using them, but let him know you liked it, how you'd like him to use them on you.

    1406194549
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    I wouldn't know if I like it :( hasn't tried it!
    Few little slaps last night but nothing major.
    Was more interested in using the flogger as a wig and moustache!

    1406194597
    Peitho [sign in to see picture]
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    Given the long working hours, he probably was knackered.

    However, not having used any bondage smacking things before suddenly being presented with flogger, paddle and crops I think would be extremely intimidating. Maybe pop some of them away for a bit and just have the paddle to start with out for fun and games, when you're both in an amorous mood either present him with it or give him a slap or two yourself so he knows what you want and how hard (lightly to start with). I think once he starts, the pressure will drop off and he can start enjoying himself - then he'll probably be far more willing to explore the rest of the bondage toy box.

    1406194805
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    It's certainly one thing to enjoy spanking with a hand now and then, but to go from that to buying a paddle, flogger and crops might be okay for you but might be far more overwhelming for him!

    Realistically, you should have discussed what you were going to buy, and help him make the choices. Practically everything I buy is always discussed with my husband to make sure that we're both happy and ready to use the next set of toys we're getting.

    I'm pretty sure any man would be overwhelmed if his other half just one day pulled out an array of torture implements, especially after a long day at work! You know him better than any of us, so only you can find out the reasons for him acting this way, and I really think you need to talk through things.

    You should also stop playing games, it won't help anything. You can't just go to bed and not have sex because you're pissed off because he didn't like something that you like, that's just silly.

    With anything that involves pain, both adults need to be 100% consenting, and I'm sorry, but I feel like you haven't taken his wants into consideration before you've jumped ahead and bought these things. Before me and my husband started a Dom/sub bedroom relationship we had a discussion about what we both like, why we like it and what we're comfortable with. Then I looked around the lovehoney site and asked him what he thought of different products and what sort of things we should buy, and we bought some stuff.

    Obviously now we don't talk about every little thing I buy, sometimes I will get something as a surprise and he will do the same, but that's okay because we've had the initial conversation and have grown to know our sexual likes and dislikes.

    I also think that sometimes when you're on the forum a lot it's easy to get wrapped up in it all and think that people in general are as open minded as everyone on the forums, but in reality people are pretty prudish compared to us lot on here. I just think you need to put the breaks on a bit and not focus too much on your own pleasure and talk with him.

    1406195923
    crazy horse [sign in to see picture]
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    +1 to what Mrs said.

    1406196626
    Foxxy [sign in to see picture]
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    He may be overwhelmed and being tired is never helpful when you're trying something new. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. He may be nervous about hurting you - it's instilled into lots of men that hitting a woman is wrong, and it can take a while to separate the two things. I'd always start with a paddle, they're more 'predictable' than whips, floggers, crops etc. Even a beginner knows how hard they're hitting with a paddle, sometimes they're not sure of the amount of force that's needed with a longer, less stable prop. My new beginners recommendation is definitely the http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=19807 is lovely and so versatile! The faux fur side allows you to build up at a pace that suits your partner. I hope you find a resolve that suits you both :-)

    1406203013
    Blondieonherknees [sign in to see picture]
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    :( sorry you felt like this. Maybe he doesn't like the idea of hitting you with something that may hurt you. Maybe ask him to try spanking you first and let him see your reaction. Or hold his hand as he flogs you. By all means, don't hide them away! Speak to him about. Maybe he's frightened.

    I asked my OH to hit me with his belt and he said no because he doesn't want to hurt me. But he will happily playfully spank me. It's human nature not to want to hurt someone we love. Just take tiny steps and enjoy x

    1406203465
    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    +1 to Mrs.

    I went through a similar thing with my husband. It became apparent that he liked a little bit of a spanking, so with his consent, I said I was going to place an order for a couple of very basic toys (a paddle and a small flogger). They've only been used twice as they are a step up from just a hand spanking and can be a bit unnerving. So lesson learned, is communication is key. Whilst he said he was OK with me getting them, I think deep down he was very apprehensive and nervous, so introducing these sorts of new experiences takes time and patience.

    1406204628
    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
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    It sounds like you were playing show and tell with them. A lot of people don't like that conversation style, my hubby especially will switch off if he feels I am pushing him into a social situation, even if it is one he will enjoy. Stubborn as a mule.

    It just happened in front of me now, his friend handed him some manual for a game and started talking about it and my hubby just put the paperwork aside, waited for his friend to pause and started a different conversation. I would say he looked bored even though he loves computer games. It was just presented in a way that he is not comfortable with.

    I wonder how the night would have turned out if you had started to use them on yourself and then complained that you can't seem to reach or get enough force...

    1406205590
    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    naughty stacey wrote:

    It sounds like you were playing show and tell with them. A lot of people don't like that conversation style, my hubby especially will switch off if he feels I am pushing him into a social situation, even if it is one he will enjoy. Stubborn as a mule.

    It just happened in front of me now, his friend handed him some manual for a game and started talking about it and my hubby just put the paperwork aside, waited for his friend to pause and started a different conversation. I would say he looked bored even though he loves computer games. It was just presented in a way that he is not comfortable with.

    I wonder how the night would have turned out if you had started to use them on yourself and then complained that you can't seem to reach or get enough force...

    yes stacey i wonder if it was just i hadnt gotten him into the mood yet.

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