• Confidence, how to help your partner with theirs?

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    It's 4 in the morning and I am wide awake on my favourite forum. Looking at all the threads about confidence. Trying as I have always done with my wife to think of ways to help and it came to me that maybe just maybe if here on LH forum where people do genuinely care about each other's sexual health and happiness. We could start a thread where people can post what they think their partners could do to help them feel more confident.

    I have over many years showered my wife with compliments, told her how good she looks, how amazing she is in bed and all the the things it's says you should do but I have never asked her what I could do to help her.

    I am confident and more dominant so I can't start the thread some onewill need to get the ball rolling. Bite the bullet just think what your OH could do for you, by putting it down on this forum and getting support it might just help.

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    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    As a 24 year old virgin i worry about my partner thinking about past sexual experiences/partners and "comparing" so to speak, plus i have zero confidence in my body and know his ex was a size zero, which i'm nowhere near. His mum is incredibly skinny too so hes used to being around skinny girls. He mentioned a girl he saw in the supermarket and described her as "the type guys look at and think omg i want to bone her" and i got really paranoid, to the point i had to ask if he wanted her. He took all my fears away by simply saying it was upsetting that i still don't see that i'm the only girl for him, and that he has no interest in anyone average like her. He never says things like that, but honestly those little things are what give me the greatest confidence boosts.

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    What's always boosted my confidence was a partner's response: eyes, intensity of response and orgasm, words like "You're so good at that".

    What could boost my confidence now is a partner actually managing to make more time for me than a few hours a few times a year. Or a dating attempt actually working out.

    Avoiding the forums and dating sites helps too. So many reminders and examples of how I'm just not what anyone wants.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    VirginAngel wrote:

    As a 24 year old virgin i worry about my partner thinking about past sexual experiences/partners and "comparing" so to speak, plus i have zero confidence in my body and know his ex was a size zero, which i'm nowhere near. His mum is incredibly skinny too so hes used to being around skinny girls. He mentioned a girl he saw in the supermarket and described her as "the type guys look at and think omg i want to bone her" and i got really paranoid, to the point i had to ask if he wanted her. He took all my fears away by simply saying it was upsetting that i still don't see that i'm the only girl for him, and that he has no interest in anyone average like her. He never says things like that, but honestly those little things are what give me the greatest confidence boosts.

    What a great post you are so inspirational. I think it is wonderful that you can post this. Please don't worry every thing you are feeling is normal. It is difficult not to humble your situation but everything we do for the first time in life fills us with anxiety. Will it hurt? Will I be any good? Will I make myself look stupid? Can be applied to anything new, but sex it is quadrupled. What I can tell you your OH will be just as anxious that it is amazing for you. The fact that you have waited to give yourself to him will be colossal. So talk specifically about the stress you are putting on each other. It will only help make what will be wonderful thing better. The other advice I would give is be prepared for the emotion after This will be amazing too.

    Skinny ?he's been around it , it's not for him you are simple.

    Ex's are Ex's he didn't want them he wants you and did any of them give him what you are going too.

    What's find truly astonishing is when he looked at another woman you asked him if he wanted her. Now this is where so many of us fail most would of just thought he wants her, you just through having the guts to ask turned a negative thing in your head to an actual positive that's brilliant. From the sounds of it you are going to be very lucky and you deserve it. Your OH obviously cares very much for you.

    I feel if you could post about your journey it would be so helpful to other young women, your thoughts and feeling as a guide would be so unique. I can't begin to imagine what you are think when reading through other threads on here. What people do and think.

    I wish you both all the best .

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    kayliixx [sign in to see picture]
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    I have always had extremely.low confidence about myself.due to bad past experiences I wont go into, although I also sometimes panic if I'm touched by a partner when not expecting it etc.

    My ex was great always told me how amazing and beautiful he thought I was, would often wake up to a texr saying you looked gorgeous when I left for work this morning etc. He also was really understanding about my past and always spoke about what he planned to do when we spent night together before it started so I didn't panic.

    He genuinely made me feel so much more confident as a person, to the point that I was strong enough to leave him when he started drinking again (he had a drink problem before me). He even sent me a text after we split saying as upset as he was he was proud of me for standing up for myself. We aren't together but still great friends. Xx

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    Mab [sign in to see picture]
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    My self esteem is at absolute zero, and no matter what my boyfriend says, it stays at absolute zero, the full -273K.

    However, I know one thing that has boosted my confidence, rather than him saying that I am beautiful or all he wants...it is, oddly, him wanting pictures of me.

    Somehow I feel that pictures are tangible evidence of his desire for me. It works better if he takes the pictures, rather than me sending them to him. It can be really sexy. Also, I never ask to see the pictures of myself, which leaves a mystery to them. He puts me into whatever position he wants me photographed, and just snaps away. Not sure if there something behind this, but it works for me. I have complete faith in him that the pictures aren't being put on the internet or anything like that. They are just for him, because he wants me.

    Although, I think it is important to note that having such low self esteem is not healthy and I am working towards improving mine. And that cannot come from my partner, it has to be me who makes the change. Confidence that comes from other people's comments is temporary, the real stuff definitely has to come from within. Temporary boosts help a lot, but there needs to be more. I start counselling at the doctors this week, and hopefully in the future I will be a lot more happy with myself - and that will give me the confidence to let me who I want to be in bed...or on the floor...or in the kitchen...or that sex attic that I am trying to convince him to install :P

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    naughtywildfun90 [sign in to see picture]
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    I understand what you mean mab, when my OH asked for a picture it put a smile on my face. Then he used one picture as my picture on his phone when I call or text and another ad the wallpaper on his phone. which made me feel......fuzzy and happy.
    Its just like.....proof of his desire (sounds so stupid that 4 years down the line I feel I need it) xx

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