• I'm back! Pansexual and asexual panromantic in relationship, help/support?

    1399214921
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello all!

    I've been quiet on here for a few months, so before I get into the main bit of this thread I just wanted to explain a bit of the back story.

    I broke up with a guy last year after being with him for 3 years. I've come to realise this relationship was unhealthy, and may be considered emtionally abusive, although he did in unintentionally. It turns out he was abused throughout his childhood by his Dad, and never having spoken to anyone about it, it effected our relationship in a lot of ways.

    The past 6 months have been difficult for me. I've had severe mental health difficulties, but I'm pleased to say I'm still here, and I'm getting help, albeit slowly. A combination of this and the medication has meant my sex drive has all but dissappeared, only occasionally popping up. Because of this I've been pretty quiet on these forums.

    I identify as pansexual, and have recently started a relationship with an asexual panromantic female. I know when I used to read the forums a lot, people were great at comign up with ideas on things to do to inprove the sensual and romantic side of a relationship. As things stand, the sexual side of a relationship isn't open to us, and that is something I am okay with, and accepted (I knew how she felt before we started the relationship). However, I'm struggling to think of sensual things we can do together. For example, cuddling is fine, and we really enjoy it. I've suggested massages and hot rocks, and it's something we're going to try.

    But I guess my question is, what do you guys do that isn't sexual but is still intimate to show how you feel/have that closeness? Have you got any suggestion of things we could try? :)

    If you've read all of this, thank you so much.

    1399216079
    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    I find sitting up massage is quite sensual. You kinda sit facing each other, say on the floor, cross-legged or however is comfortable. Then you massage each others arms and upper body simultaneously. Only looking into each others eyes, the goal being to reach a point where the massage is equal and shared without communicating.

    1399216451
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi NMK, I am so pleased you have left such a negative relationship and that you are getting help. I am also so happy for you finding a new partner.

    Here are some ideas that I personally find loving and intimate without sex...Taking a long baths or a shower together and washing and drying each other. Having Mr Scorpius brush or wash my hair for me. Massaging each other. When eating together, sometimes feed each other. These type of acts make me feel really loved and cared for along with lots of cuddles, you sometimes really can't beat just being cuddled up with the one you love and falling asleep together. I really hope this was the type of ideas you were looking for xxx

    1399216463
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks SS :) That sounds like something we could try. I never thought I'd find it hard to find stuff to do, but I'm having to do a lot of learning :) Asexual wasn't something I'd heard of before I met her

    1399216645
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    That's just it Scorpius :) Thank you.

    This is her first relationship, as before now she's not tried a relationship with anyone because she didn't feel comfortable explaining the whole asexual panromantic thing, but we spoke about it as friends first.

    She finds personal contact quite intimidating, but wants to be able to do it, so we've agreed to ease into it slowly and try small things together to build up.

    I think I'll show her these ideas next time we talk :)

    1399240043
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    Another question I guess, and I've been looking through old threads, but for those who have had a patch of no sex drive, what were some of the things you did together until it came back? (But not necessarily to try and get it back)

    :)

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