• Crossing the boundaries...

    Jenny333 [sign in to see picture]
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    So, this is kind of sex related but not...

    I was looking for advice regarding sleeping with a friend. I know everything is a matter of opinion but is it ever a good idea to cross the friendship boundary and is there ever a way to go back to just being friends after the deed is done.

    I'm single and I've known this guy for a few months. Things got more then heated when I went to visit him. Since I'm kinky, there was handcuff, blindfolds, spanking and a lot of oil involved. We haven't got around to having sex again, even though we speak about doing it again (a lot). He won't perform oral sex but likes to receive it. Regardless of that the sex was great. He brought out the complex of dominant and submissive woman in me which was a new and fun experience.

    I'm just really stuck on whether I should break it off into just a one time thing or go with the flow. We both not in a committed relationship and only sleeping with each other. However since there's no commitment, there's no stopping either of us sleeping with other people. He doesn't want a relationship, and I'm not ready for one, but neither of us want the other to sleep with anyone else.

    Anyways, I'd really like some advice on where to go from here!

    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Jenny,
    I would say just go with the flow and let it lead where it will.Sounds like it was an experience you both enjoyed though him not willing to give oral is a bit selfish!
    If you like each other and enjoy the sex that's great although it could be difficult to maintain a friendship if it doesn't work out
    As long as you're honest with each other about what both want from this then I'd say just enjoy it and see where it goes x

    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    This is a difficult one. One thing that jumped out at me is that you both would be unhappy if the other had sex with someone else. I know you are both not wanting a relationship and both want it to be casual....but personally, deep deep down I think maybe neither of you are looking for open and casual but are just both wanting to take things very slowly with each other only. This is a form of commitment, albeit a smaller, gentler one?

    That is okay....in fact, any way you decide to have a relationship is okay. Of course, things will always change if you change them. I personally think it is possible to go back to being friends afterwards, however it will depend very much on the people involved and how they feel about the whole thing. If you are both completely "fine" about no strings sex, then I suspect you are more likely to go back to being friends, but your comment about "neither of us would be happy if" suggested you guys are already thinking "possessively" of each other and things could break down if one of you went "Well we said we were casual, so I am off to sleep with X"

    In other words, I think there are some feelings between you other than no strings sex, because you both care about your friendship and you both care about the other sleeping around.

    When I read this, my first thought was "This is the beginning of a slow, gentle introduction to a relationship...between two people who are maybe wanting to hold onto freedom a little longer, or have been hurt and feel a bit nervous about jumping in head first."

    My point is, maybe it will not go back to being friends, but maybe that is the journey you two are supposed to take! It could end in a relationship, or in nothing, but if you don't take those chances it will always be "nothing" because you ruled out the chance. Does this make sense?

    If this feels good to you both right now...then I really recommend following your hearts or lust and having this time together, whether it develops more or fizzles out, it will be a memory you remember and not a regret as to "what if we had?" You know?

    I simply recommend one thing, in situations like this: communicate communicate communicate. Be honest and upfront with how you feel and what you want and also understand that over time, those wants and needs may change...so be honest again. It is better to walk away from something that is simply not going to work for you, than to keep your feelings secret in case you "scare them off" and you are always only receiving half of what you need and want.

    Follow your heart/head and keep things real and honest and you will have no regrets xx

    Hope that helps xxx

    Jenny333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all the advice guys xxx

    Anyone got any other suggestions?

    Foxxy [sign in to see picture]
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    It's better to regret doing SOMETHING than regretting doing NOTHING .... Maybe you'll always wonder "what if?" if you don't allow yourselves to go with the flow? Just keep talking to each other, things could get tricky if somebody's feelings on a subject change and they don't tell the other person. Most of all, enjoy!

    Jenny333 [sign in to see picture]
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    That's a good point too! Really considering this

    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Tbh... The we are friends that have enjoyed sex, scenario is probably the best way to start. The fact you can't think of each other having sex with others says to me in your minds you have already stepped into the realm of a true relationship. Enjoy it... Basing a partnership on being friends to start with is far better than do the sex 1st... Relationship 2 and.
    Go for it.

    leahslooloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Just relax and go with the flow :-)

    The only thing that you nee to think about is if you go back to strictly friends only and you both move onto new partners and it comes up what happened between you too then you risk the fact of upsetting your new partners could possibly cause trust issues :-/

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